Back From Paradise.

 

Dear Peons,

What can I tell you? I thought the lobster tails were fine, as always. Also the shrimp and the crab claws. But the prime rib slices? They were beyond compare! Truly wonderful. I only wish all of you could have been there. Maybe next time, some of you could carry my Sedan chair.

Sadly, all of the above was true. Except for the Sedan chair, of course. You actually have to walk into the Legends Suite, if you can believe the effrontery. And the "peons" part. Alas, we are almost all of us peons in this America of runaway wealth. 

Weirdly enough, thanks to the beneficence of my friend and my brother-in-law—and to the beneficence of their banker—it was the least money I've spent at a ballgame in decades, not drinking anything alcoholic. All of $10, spent solely on a program the size of the old Montgomery Ward catalogues, if anyone remembers those.

Which recorded an often frustrating but ultimately rewarding game, as you saw. Judge—who, yes, was that close to our seats—continued to flounder (Does anyone know why he didn't go home on that flyball? Was it the coach who held him?). Good as the pitching was, big hits were few and far between.

And then...an unexpected hero arose, from where you would never expect to find him.

I'm talking about Gary Sánchez, of course. Once he entered the game, victory was assured.

—Did Ma Boone again try to squeeze one out too many from his fading starter, only to see him give up a leadoff double? AGAIN? No matter. The next batter was Gary Sanchez, who struck out on three pitches.

—Did Ma Boone insist on running his stupid, run-on-contact play with Jazz Chisholm on third and the whole infield in? AGAIN? No matter. The throw beat Chisholm, but Gary Sanchez dropped the ball. 

—Did The Airbender look a little shaky? No matter. Gary Sanchez was there to strike out AGAIN in the ninth.

Hey, I kid, I kid. The real hero, of course, was Jazz Chisholm...who took out the Orioles' starting catcher, and forced the entrance of...

Never mind. 

Jazz really did have a wonderful game. And hey, props to Boone for greenlighting him and turning the whole game around (just as I assured my friend's daughter that Chisholm would surely be taking on 3-0). 

Good for Boone. Good for Jasrado. 

But thank goodness that Gary Sanchez was there!