I'm thinking: The Yankee lineup after this corona thingy has been cracked, blitzed and so sanitized that even Canadians mock it. Let's talk 2022.
By then, Andrew Cuomo will have a talk show on Fox, and Chris Cuomo will be governor of Utah. The Yankees will have won two asterisk-inflicted World Series, played before piped-in cheering sections in shortened seasons. But in 2022, everybody will still be here - yep, every one of you - so... what's our lineup? I'm talkin' Yankee baseball here here! And here is how it stands:
1b Miguel Andujar, he'll be 27. STAR.
(In two years, Miggy will have buffed up, filled out, and be entering his prime. Third base will be a distant memory. The doubles will become HRs. He'll be one of the first-basemen in the game.)
2b DJ LeMahieu, he'll be 33. SOLID.
(Of course, we'll re-sign LeMahieu. He's a great player who has bonded with NYC. He will be slowing down, but still a cagey vet. He'll handle 2B fine.)
ss Gleyber Torres, he'll be 27. STAR.
(Yanks' best player, entering his prime. What else to say?)
3b Gio Urshela, he'll be 30. SOLID.
(No matter how Gio hits, he'll still be one of the game's best fielding 3B.)
c Gary Sanchez (he'll be 29) and a lefty platoon. SERVICEABLE.
(Sanchez will either improve or disappear. It's not that he's bad, but NYC will be fed up with Ks, passed balls and squandered talent. We have no young catchers in the pipeline who'll be ready by 2020. Might have to sign somebody.)
lf Clint Frazier, he'll be 27 (SOLID)
(On a limb here: I still believe in Red. He'll be entering his prime. At some point, he's gonna hit. The question is whether we'll keep him. I think we will.)
cf Estevan Florial (he'll be 24) or Jasson Dominiquez, he'll be 19 (RISING)
(Actually, I'm not sold on either, but I'm saying some fantasy will appear, because I'm less sold on Aaron Hicks, who will be 32. If Hicks is brittle now... by 2022 he'll come to games in an ambulance. Dominiquez is the ultimate fantasy. Okay, I'm in.
Wait a minute: How about Mookie Betts?)
rf Aaron Judge, he'll be 30. STAR
(Of course.)
dh Giancarlo Stanton (he'll be 32) and maybe LH Mike Ford (he'll be 29)
(We'll be paying Stanton forever. By 2022, he won't bring a glove to spring training. Still, he could be productive. Some DHs hit into their late thirties. If Stanton isn't, we'll find somebody.
Starting rotation DECENT
Gerrit Cole will be 31.
Luis Severino will be 28.
Jordan Montgomery will be 29.
Masahiro Tanaka will be 33.
Some kid.
(Deivi Garcia will be 22. Who knows? We might need to sign somebody.)
Bullpen DISASTER CODE RED
Aroldys Chapman will be 34.
Your name here.
(El Chapo will be spent. We'll need arms - from the farm or free agency. Our current bullpen will have aged-out or moved on.)
Overall: AL EAST NUMBER ONE.
(We will be faves to win. So let's plan on living to see it. Where should we all meet on opening day?)
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Somewhere, deep in their miserable, corona-restricted warehouse, the nostrils of the JuJu gods perk up: Could that be OPTIMISM they smell—deep, rich, wonderful OPTIMISM overtaking even the "IT IS HIGH" site???
They rush to the control panels, sweeping off the fast-food takeout boxes there, stirring up clouds of dust, going over the instruction manuals. "How does this thing-y work again? What happens if we push this button?"
We MUST get them to lie back down!
Okay, so the infield WILL be set in 2022 (Though with Ford, the Indestructible, at first, not El Matador.)
Miggy WILL be a star—but in left or right field, where his arm will be most useful.
Best hope for center: Mookie.
Judge will be a part-time DH, too brittle to play the field anymore, drawing sympathetic sighs every time he appears, much like Donnie Baseball, c. 1998-1995. Ah, what might have been!
Stanton we will see in court, as the Yanks' Lloyd's of London-forced lawsuit continues. He will still be rehabbing in Florida, for appearances' sake. Hicks will be retired. Frazier will be in Arizona, hitting pretty well, but always getting into a scrape about something. Florial will be in Single-A ball—in the White Sox system. The Martian will be playing for the Staten Island Pizza Rats in our system, hitting .210, but with a very high ceiling.
The pitching will be dreck. Sevvy will be pitching for the Newark Bears in some new, unaffiliated minor league. Tanaka will be back in Japan, managing his wife's singing career. The Little Sapling will be on the DL. Montgomery will be moving on El Alamein. Deivi Garcia will be recovering from his first TJ surgery. Mike King will be pitching surprisingly well for the Seattle Mariners.
The bullpen, I agree with El Duque on.
Yanks will be a hard-hitting, bad-pitching team, finishing about 74-88 or so.
THERE. You can go back to sleep, JuJu gods, and dream of your next shipment of spam.
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