Virtual Baseball: Happless by the Bay! Yanks Stung Again By Rays. Cashman Terrorizes Tampa Owner.

The Virtual Yankees lost their fourth straight game in Tampa Bay, and their fifth in a row overall, 3-2, dropping 8 games behind the piping hot Rays.

Yanks starter J.A. Happ continued to pitch well this season, holding TB to just two earned runs.

But Happ was done in on a critical error by back-up catcher Josh Thole, who overthrew second base trying to catch pesky Tampa Bay outfielder Kevin Kiermaier stealing second.  Kiermaier, who has made a career out of tormenting the Yankees, went on to third base, where he promptly scored on a "Baltimore chop" by annoyingly large-eared Rays infielder, Brandon Lowe.

Tampa Bay, which excels at doing all sorts of adorably throwback stuff, had been practicing the play since spring training, according to manager and professional smarty pants, Kevin Cash.

The Yanks nearly rallied to tie the game in the top of the ninth, on a two-run homer by Mike "Walkie" Tauchman.  But after Gio Urshela doubled and went to third on a wild pitch, Kevin Kiermaier rushed in to snare a short flyball by Brett Gardner,and gun Urshela down at the plate.  Two pitches later, Kiermaier raced back to the wall in centerfield and made a leaping catch to deprive shortstop Kyle Holder of what would have been a game-tying home run.

Meanwhile, off the field, Yankees general manager Brian Cashman issued a statement vehemently opposing Commissioner Paul Manfred's plan to not only save but expand the minor league system, defiantly insisting, "We have every right to abandon a ballpark the city of New York built for us with tens of millions of dollars in taxpayer money, if we damned well feel like it."

Cashman was spotted at Tropicana Field during the game tonight, wearing his now distinctive Eagle Protection Headgear and suit, complete with deflector cape.  The plucky little NYY executive was reportedly in town to remonstrate with the owner of the Rays, smug former Goldman partner Stuart Sternberg, about his decision to support the plan.

There is no report on what they discussed, but Cashman was seen waving about a black, metallic piece of hand armor he wears, claiming that it is powerful enough to pull any eagle off his head.

Later, after their meeting, Sternberg was found collapsed on the floor, in a Tropicana hallway.

"This time the little bastard's gone too far," Sternberg told the press once he was revived.  "When I wouldn't go along with him on this minor league plan, he went for my throat with that hand thingy he's got.  He's too short, though, so all he managed to do was pluck a handful of hairs from my chest. Hurt like hell, which is why I passed out."

There is no word yet on whether or not it will be possible to re-graft the missing hair to Sternberg's chest, or what color he will want it to be.  In the meantime, Cashman, who fled the Trop after the incident, was last known to be flying to Houston to meet the team there.