Virtual Baseball. Second Pineapple Loss of the Year. Rehab Goes Bad.

What?  You shouldn't even read this!

In Virtual Baseball today, the Yankees suffered their second Pineapple Loss of the season, dropping a 10-7 decision in extra innings to the Toronto Blue Jays.

The Yankees had jumped to a 7-3 lead on home runs by Brett Gardner, Miguel Andujar, and Mike Ford, headed into the ninth inning.  But what followed was not a win but yet another implosion by "closer" Sweats Chapman, who surrendered a grand-slam home run by former Yankee Billy McKinney that tied the game.

In the top of the tenth, the Yanks loaded the bases with one out, only to have Gardner tap into a double-play that ended the threat.  After Gardner destroyed pretty much everything in the visitors' dugout with his bat, pitcher Adam "Mr. Zero" Ottavino went back out in the bottom of the 10th, and surrendered a three-run homer to former Yankee Brandon Drury that ended the game.

"Well, you know," said manager Ma Boone, who had just finished reading Peter Matthiessen's Far Tortuga.  "What do you want, mon?  It's de modern times."

Meanwhile, reports coming in from the Yankees' much vaunted rehab regimes were universally grim. Under the direction of new training coach Mark Quisedesade, Aaron Judge pulled a hamstring, Aaron Hicks was reporting a "stiff groin," and no one could say anything about the whereabouts of pitcher Gerrit Cole.

"Ah, oui!  It is going exactly as planned!" remarked Mr. Quisedesade.

"A couple more months like this, and NOBODY will be left standing!  Bwahaha, bwahaha!" remarked general manager Brian Cashman.