Virtual Baseball: Yanks Smacked by Lawless Houston, Drop 6th in Row. Upstate Cranks Threaten Suit.

The Virtual Yankees were smacked around mercilessly by a surprisingly unrepentant Houston team tonight, losing 9-1 at Jett Rink Park.

The only tally for the Bombers came on a home run that Miguel Andujar, "El Matador," lashed into the left field seats off Astros starter Zack Greinke.  Otherwise Greinke completely dominated the Pinstripers for seven innings, striking out 15.

Yanks starter Deivi Garcia, meanwhile, backslid dramatically from his strong effort in Fenway last evening, peppered with a steady barrage of Astros hits and looking understandably unnerved by the whole atmosphere at Jett Rink.

To the surprise of all visiting teams, Astros fans have been amazingly defiant after their favorite team was slapped on the wrist for a major sign-stealing scandal.

Rather than any show of penitence, the Houston faithful paraded through the Jett Rink stands banging on trash cans with baseball bats, and carrying signs that read, "IF YOU AIN'T CHEATIN', YOU AIN'T TRYIN'," "OUR HOUSE, WE MAKE THE RULES," and simply, "AH-HAH!"

Throughout the game, 'Stros fans deliberately tilted mirrors to shine lights in the faces of Yankees batters, and targeted Garcia and other players in the field with red laser dots.  These were of special concern, because under the new Texas gun laws fans are allowed to bring any ordinance short of anti-tank weapons into the park.

Adding to the Yanks' woes today, the team received cease and desist demands from attorneys for a pair of longtime upstate cranks, who claimed that their clients actually own the rights to the random Phil Rizzuto recordings now providing color commentary to the mellow offerings of Yankees broadcaster Suzyn Waldman.

"We have dealt with the disruptive antics of these hooligans before," responded Yankees creature Randy Levine.  "They are simply bitter that their financial circumstances force them to reside in the snowbelt section of the state, and are looking for any way to reach a warmer clime."

Levine said that the plaintiffs were named "Tim Paisley and Hart Crane, something like that," but that he did not want to give them any further publicity for their latest venture, an Escape Room enterprise based upon the city of Buffalo.