Sunday, January 15, 2023

Eskimos have 50 words for snow. Well, add Frankie Montas to the list of Cashman's Calamities, and Yank fans now have 50 for disappointment

Over the years, in his role as Yankee secret owner, Brian Cashman has suffered one regularly recurring nightmare: His inability to acquire top of the line starting pitchers. 

Year after year, Cashman has traded for pitching, only to see the deal go south. 

Yesterday, the Death Barge revealed that Cashman's latest prize, Frankie Montas, will miss at least the first month of the 2023 season due to shoulder inflammation, which has dogged him in the past. If it turns out that Montas falters, he will be added to an impressively depressing list of pitchers who joined the Yankees either too early in their careers, or too late, to save us. Some were complete busts. Some had fine careers - just not with the Yankees.

Montas is No. 50, which means the Eskimos now have nothing on Yankee fans when it comes to bleak and bleary outlooks. 

Here it is, CASHMAN'S 50 SHADES OF GRAY (SONNY, THAT IS)

1. Hideki Irabu
2. Ed Yarnell
3. Denny Neagle
4. Ted Lilly
5. Jake Westbrook
6. Sterling Hitchcock
7. Randy Keisler
8. Christian Parker
9. Jeff Weaver
10. Jose Contreras

11. Javier Vasquez
12. 
Esteban Loaisa 
13. 
Sam Marsonek
14. 
Carl Pavano
15. 
Randy Johnson
16. Kevin Brown
17. 
Jared Wright
18. 
Cory Lidle
19. 
Sidney Ponson
20. 
Kei Igawa

21. Phil Hughes
22. 
Ian Kennedy
23. 
Joba Chamberlain
24. 
Humberto Sanchez
25. 
Sergio Mitre
26. 
Ivan Nova
27. 
Bartolo Colon
28. 
David Phelps
29. 
Derek Lowe
30. 
Vidal Nuno 

31. Brandon McCarthy
32. 
Shane Greene
33. 
Jeff Francis
34. 
Michael Pineda
35. 
Nathan Eovaldi
36. 
Chris Capuano
37. 
Luis Cessa
38. 
Sonny Gray
39. 
Domingo German 
40. 
J.A. Happ

41. Lance Lynn 
42. Chance Adams
43. Justice Sheffield
44. Jordan Montgomery 
45. James Paxton
46. Deivi Garcia
47. 
Jameson Tailon
48. 
Cory Kluber
49. 
Andrew Heaney
50. 
Frankie Montas (?)

22 comments:

13bit said...

Thanks for the instant PTSD this morning, Duque!!!

Rufus T. Firefly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rufus T. Firefly said...

Javier Vasquez should be listed twice.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


I believe this is awesome. I think the web address of the list should be e-mailed every time some Gammonite proclaims Cashmonkey as a genius.

Or even if they say he's adequate...

BTR999 said...

Hundreds of millions of dollars of failure…How does he still have a job? HOW?

ranger_lp said...

Some good news...

Via Jesse Sanchez, the Yankees have agreed to terms with Cuban OF Brandon Mayea on a $4.4 million deal. Mayea was ranked #9 on MLB Pipeline’s Top 50 international prospect list.

ranger_lp said...

Some more info...

https://yanksgoyard.com/2022/11/26/yankees-top-international-prospects-target-january-2023/

Celerino Sanchez said...

Frankie Rodriguez, Frank Tanana, Frank Viola, Frank Linzy will pitch for the Yankees this before Frankie "Valli" Montas pitches. This is the reason they have added 4 GMs to this team.

Doctor T said...

Brian Cashman is the perfect example of the overprivileged failing upwards.

Doug K. said...

DickA -

Re: Yesterday...

Sorry if my comment was confusing. Actually, I was whole heartedly agreeing with you. The "seriously" was my reaction to the news not to your comment. As in, "He's STILL hurt? Seriously? WTF?"

Doug K. said...

Ranger -

Thanks for posting that. He sounds good except for one MAJOR red flag...

"16 year old Brandon Mayea, the consensus top international prospect in the January 2023 period, who’s projected to sign with the Yankees, is working out with Gary Sanchez."

I guess despite this he signed anyway but will now start swinging at pitches low and away.

edb said...

The Genius relies on the hardly professional expertise of Dr. Vinny Gumbatz.

Carl J. Weitz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carl J. Weitz said...

@ edb....Dr. Gumbatz told Cashman that his evaluation of Montas's arm was that it would fall off his shoulder within 12 months. Cashman said he wanted another opinion. So Dr Gumbatz told Brian "okay, your ugly AND incompetent, too!"

Carl J. Weitz said...

I tell ya, on this blog, Brian Cashman gets no respect....no respect at all!
Brian was so dumb, he never knew his wife was cheating on him until he got a parrot as a pet.
One day he came home from a Yankees road trip and when he opened the front door, he heard the parrot squawking " quick....out the back door....he's home. Rawwwk."

DickAllen said...


HA! Thanks Doug!

Carl, that was cold. But hilarious.

As for the Fabulous Fifty, I have no doubt there will be more.

Of all those losers, who ranks at the top of that list (or should I say the bottom) as the worst acquisition?

The Hammer of God said...

Well, the worst acquisition is hands down one fucking Carl Pavano. The guy who refused to pitch any time he had a scratch on his ass or a tiny pain in his toenail. The guy who might've made about ten starts total over four years for almost 50 million. The same guy who fired his agent because his contract was 49.95 million instead of exactly 50 million. The same guy who called his own mother a stupid bitch in front of everybody.

The rest, at least they tried to pitch. Not sure why Sterling Hitchcock and Ted Lilly are on that list. They really didn't do anything wrong. They got traded away, for no apparent reason.

Someone can cull all their data, but as for lazy me, I'm not sure who'd be the runner up worst on that list, but it'd be a toss up amongst Kevin Brown, Jeff Weaver, Javier Vasquez, and Andrew Heaney. It could very well be Andrew Heaney. I called him the greatest pitcher in the history of the American League while he was here.

Daveyhead said...

@Doug K.

And waving at them helplessly behind the plate as they bounce to the backstop

Doug K. said...

Hammer -

This might be worse because Pavano was a free agent. Montas cost us several pitchers that are actually good or could have been used to trade for Reynolds

Carl J. Weitz said...

The NY Post had a nickname for Pavano, if you remember.
American Idle.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And why Montgomery? But an amazing—and telling—list!

BernBabyBern said...

You know, I wasn't a big fan of Ed Yarnell when he was with the Yankees, but I thought he had a great mime act with Shields.