Monday, September 25, 2023

Three games left against the hateful, odious Blue Jays. In the name of Love, let's beat them.

One of the consequences of publicly loathing someone is that they might return the favor. 

This week - aside from padding personal stats, and the unyielding glory of representing Starr Insurance - the Yankees have little reason to give a flying shit about much of anything. They'll miss the '23 postseason and go down in the fiery furnace of flameout failures as a team that squandered a Cy Young winner, that chewed its young talent into bits, and that went months without even one LH hitting threat... in Yankee Stadium, no less. Yolanda Vega, pulling ping pong balls out of a leaf blower, couldn't have designed a worse Yankee roster. It's almost over, thank God. Sooner the better. Calgon Beauty Beads, take me away!

In a normal late-September-and-out-of-it delirium, we'd forfeit the final seven games and play for the higher draft pick, whether it exists or not. If there is a shred of honesty within this team, it should finish below .500. It deserves no better. The front office deserves no better. The owner deserves no better. Frankly, I spent last week rooting for Ophelia. The Weather Channel deserved better.

But sadly, there remains a tongue-flick of unfinished venom - three games against Toronto, a team built with the bricks and mortar of tenacious Yankee hatred. 

It's led by Vladimir "I'll Never Play for the Yankees!" Guerrero Jr. , who - spoiler alert - will play for us when he is 41 and hitting .144, because, hey, don't they all? 

There is Bo Bichette, who watched his brother Dante Jr. - a former Yankee first round pick - rot on the vine in the Death Barge's farm system. We drafted the wrong Bichette, and this one has done nothing but torture us. Apparently, it runs in the family.  

There is Mean Chad Green, who we jettisoned last year, and who has every legitimate reason to hate us, though he probably doesn't, because unlike the Yankees, he has class. He should be Serene Chad Green. 

There is their bench coach, Don Mattingly, who is too righteous a person to sustain hatred, though in pure moments, he surely knows he is - and always has been - the rightful manager of the Yankees. So why, why, why did the Yankees fail to see this? The guy retired from playing 28 years ago. He was managerial material then. How did the Yankees manage over overlook him for nearly 30 years?  

Today, against the Diamondbacks - (a permanent IT IS HIGH shit-list Security Council member, by the way) - we are said to be throwing Clarke Schmidt, the number two starter. This is stupid. Give Schmidt an extra day of rest, and start him against Toronto, along with Gerrit Cole and Michael Kay, our best three. And then, exhaust the bullpen, whatever's left of it, against these miserable Canadians. Our final three games are in Kansas City, and if anyone out there can think of one reason in this world to care about them - (the George Brett Revenge Ship sailed long ago) - you are an angrier fan than I.  

This week, the Yankees need to beat the Blue Jays - proving once and for all that the power of love shall always defeat hatred. (And, on that note - really, couldn't we muster anybody cool enough to date Taylor Swift? Used to be, we had Joe D. Now, what? Higgy?) 


JM said...

We are officially eliminated.

You reap what you sow, O Mighty Brainless.

Mildred Lopez said...

Always like Chad Green. Michael King without the suavity.

DickAllen said...

I am praying the Yankees finish under .500. I don't want to hear any of those wankers crowing about how they've extended their unbeaten streak, as if that was something to be proud of.

We can look forward to many more years of less-than-mediocre teams unless someone has the decency to get rid of that brainless twit sitting on Prince Hal's lap.

FIRE CASHMAN NOW!!! (Even though I know it's never going to happen)

ranger_lp said...

Saw this on X:

2007: Yankees player wins MVP
2008: Yankees miss playoffs
2009: Yankees win World Series

2022: Yankees player wins MVP
2023: Yankees miss playoffs

el duque said...

This franchise has to be totally embarrassed for the owner to care.

AboveAverage said...

ED - this is why Boone needs to do a striptease on the pitcher’s mound during his next and therefore LAST ejaction.

I’m not talking about Slap Shot either- I’m talking more Bellevue for observation.

AboveAverage said...

Oh and what ever happened to Stang?

It appears that Stang just vanished into the cosmic void

BTR999 said...

To paraphrase Tiny Tim, “God help us, every one!”

The Hammer of God said...

@ AA "this is why Boone needs to do a striptease on the pitcher’s mound during his next and therefore LAST ejaction"

And, in the immortal words from the movie "Robocop", I'd buy that for a dollar!!!

The Hammer of God said...

@ Duque, "Vladimir "I'll Never Play for the Yankees!" Guerrero Jr. , who - spoiler alert - will play for us when he is 41 and hitting .144, because, hey, don't they all?"

As Ted Dibiase a/k/a The Million Dollar Man said, whilst rubbing a $100 bill between his fingers, everybody's got a price.

The Hammer of God said...

And did everyone notice that, in a game they were losing 7-0, Aaron Judge, hitting #2, came up as the last potential out of the game in the 9th inning? He wouldn't have had that at bat if he'd been hitting #3, assuming everything else stayed the same. That was a game where the best hitter in the #2 slot strategy worked. WHUPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Hammer of God said...

@ ranger_lp, They also had the tradition of winning the championship in the year of a perfect game. But that positive juju got exploded, Domingo German threw the perfect game, & then the team fell on its face. Forget the championship, they didn't even make the playoffs. So I fully expect that other co-ink-a-dink to also de-materialize.

HoraceClarke66 said...

ranger, as I've always said, baseball is lousy with hope.

El Duque, this franchise already HAS been totally embarrassed...and the owner doesn't care. It needs to start being embarrassed at the box office, before that happens.

Hammer, you know who also used to say that everybody has a price? Harry Frazee. I kid you not. He actually said:

"Someone asked me...if my club was for sale. What a ridiculous question. Of course, it is for sale. So is my hat and my overcoat, and my watch. Anyone who wants them can have them at a price. I will dispose of my holdings in the Red Sox at any time for my price."

And so great enterprises die.

The Hammer of God said...

Hoss, I didn't even know who Harry Frazee was. Had to check him out on wikipedia. And wow, what a sordid affair of misery and woe, all dressed up in opulence and power! Think Brian Cashman might be the reincarnation of Frazee? Cashman, doing his best to ruin the Yankees. Frazee, did a pretty damned good job of ruining the Red Sox back then.

JM said...

"This is the longest first inning that I can remember," says The Great Sterling.

JM said...

After one, we're losing 2-0. And Rodon isn't even pitching.

HoraceClarke66 said...

As a baseball owner, Harry Frazee was a pretty good theatrical producer.

HoraceClarke66 said...

A truly 1966 vibe at the Stadium today. Everything is dark and gray, and the field looks like a quagmire.

Of course, in 1966, it had NOT been 14 years since the Yanks were in the World Series.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Peraza hits a 430-foot home run...leading Paul O'Neill to say, "Look at that pop! That's why Peraza could be a 30-home run hitter some day."


Exactly what we DON'T need. WTF is somebody connected to the Yankees going to say, "___ could be a .300 hitter some day"?

ranger_lp said...

Peralta was put on the EL Kahnle...we have no bullpen left...

The HV Renegades lost in championship series since they won the first half season and all the good players were promoted in the second half...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Yeah, I was just thinking the same, ranger. The only reliable guy we had was King, and now they're making him a starter.

This team is actually full of holes, with nothing really done throughout most of the season to fill them. As usual with a Cashman team, no depth no role players. And of course the major holes are in the executive suite.

AboveAverage said...

Quick question for everyone - why are we winning?

AboveAverage said...

CORRECTION: Why did we just win?

ranger_lp said...

Yankees win...

BTW was there a Sterling HR call for Austin Wells?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Well, Estevan Florial's really done it now. A game-winning sacrifice fly? Fuhgeddaboutit!

The Yankees do NOT hit sac flies! They strikeout, or home (much more rarely).

The Yankees win, thuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh Yankees WIN!

42-39 at home—pretty terrible.

YES showing a graphic that 6 of Wells' 10 hits so far are for extra bases. Great. Encourage the whole "all or nothing" mentality.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, and by the way, JM...YEAH, how ABOUT those Packers???

Who knows how good they really are, but at least one of the Dueling Monster Egos has left.

Celerino Sanchez said...

Florial has 7 RBIs on 9 hits w/o a HR. That’s not Yankee baseball!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Okay members of the tribe and us goyems.

In honor of Suzyn sitting out today's game and the fact that the Yankees are dead. Or as John Cleese put it:

"E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!

'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!
'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!
'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!


I might have paraphrased the last line, but anywhooo.

Let's face it. We're now sitting shiva on this baseball team. One week to go. I volunteer to throw the first handful of dirt onto the cadaver.

Publius said...

Give Brian Cashman Gerrit Cole and Aaron Judge, and he can't make the playoffs. Time to move on, Hal.