Monday, November 27, 2023

It's almost December, the Winter Meetings begin next week, and MLB is still waiting for someone to break the ice

Next Monday, the Winter Meetings - aka baseball's annual Gathering of the Juggalos - begin in Nashville. By then, maybe all of existence will have changed: The Iceland volcano, the wars, hurricanes, floods, The Singularity, Travis & Taylor... who knows? By next Monday, we could be paddling down Broadway in a file cabinet, spearing pelicans and pondering Alex Verdugo in LF. 

But but BUT... I'm guessing otherwise. 

I'm thinking that no GM out there wants to pull the first trigger, to start the three-legged race and set a price tag that everyone spends winter seeking to beat.

Which means another week of nothingness.

Hey, I got nothing against nothingness. Usually, nothingness beats everythingness, which doesn't always mean anythingness. The Death Barge could sign Cody Bellinger, Matt Chapman, the Japanese Babe Ruth and the Korean Ichiro - and still finish behind Boston next October. Whatever happens this week, the YES Men will cheer, the Gammonites will bloviate, and we'll plan our victory parade until mid-May, when this hapless team loses three straight to SUNY Purchase. 

That's what happened last year. Fess up, everybody: We drunkenly toasted the re-signing of Aaron Judge and addition of Carlos Rodon. We penciled in Oswaldo Cabrera for 30 HRs and saluted Hal and his wallet. He had bought the division, or at least a wild card. Remember how we predicted 90 wins? It was a great December, overall, maybe the best month of the year.

Nobody remembers who wins December.  

So here we are, waiting for... Whatever. It could happen this week. Could the Yankees open their checkbook first, and swaggeringly tell the world they are back? 

I doubt it. Get out your best clown suit. It's still November, but he Juggalos are circling. Soon, the happenings will start to happen.

9 comments:

Local Bargain Jerk said...


By next Monday, we could be paddling down Broadway in a file cabinet, spearing pelicans and pondering Alex Verdugo in LF.

I.e., back to normal. I love this blog.

AboveAverage said...

I’m still waiting on my increased, post-holiday weightiness to metabolize so I too can return to bloviating once my bloat has been boated away to parts unknown.

LBJ - I agree! - that was indeed a great image that our leader birthed for our collective enjoyment

JM said...

"Hey, man, I'm, like, cool with happenings. But I'll be, like, really bummed if Cashman harshes my, like, high, you dig?"

"Man, this team is, like, such a bad trip."

--Tie-dyed fans in "Why We Space," sequel to the epic documentaries "Why We Fight" and "Why We Drink."

Jaraxle said...

Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll end up with the fabulous silver medal of Carlson and Kiermaier for the outfield.

AboveAverage said...

I was hopeful that Cashman would sign Michael Jury and Eric Executioner to fill out out outfield . . .(wait for it)

TheWinWarblist said...

Break the ice? More like ice things in with collusion.

TheWinWarblist said...

JM, it's freakin' obvious why we fight and drink.

edb said...

The Yankees ice is still frozen and most likely will be. Hal found a nick pick axe cheap. It will remain in the box.

JM said...

Yeah, but Win, we only need to break the ice for the drinking part.