Tuesday, April 30, 2024

The NY Ciphers add another shutout to a remarkable spring of zeros

Thirty games into the thicket, our swishing and swooshing '24 Yanks are on a pace to record 30 shutouts - that is, to be held scoreless 30 times - a feat that conjures memories of Matt Nokes, Alvaro Espinosa and some of the great engines of haplessness in Gotham history. 

Of course, they'll need up their game to beat the all-time record for  shutouts, 33 by the 1909 St. Louis Browns, a 7th place team led by Hobe Ferris and Lou Criger - yes, THE Lou Criger, and don't forget Ham Patterson!

If these Yankees do achieve scorelessness immortality, last night's nine-inning cipher spree will take a special place in goose egg lore. 

At one point, the rather moribund Giancarlo Stanton - baseball's slowest baserunner since Smokey Burgess? - could not reach 2nd base on a line drive single to right. The ball handcuffed Giancarlo, who assumed his signature toiletless squat halfway between 1st and 2nd, and then was unable to waddle forward quickly enough to save the inning. To call Giancarlo "slow" is like describing the Atlantic Ocean as "moist."

Of course, there were other zero heroes - Aaron Judge, chasing a 3-2 pitch out of the strike zone, with runners on 2nd and 3rd, comes gloriously to mind - but Stanton's inability to move, added to all the other inabilities, wins the IIHIIFIIc participation trophy.

Five shutouts. You can sense them coming, as the missed opportunities mount. In the 9th, Oswaldo Cabrera belted a long fly - a dramatic, game-tying HR? And you could imagine The Master shouting, "IT IS HIGH, IT IS FARRRR... IT ISSSS..." Nope. It was caught, a warning track out.

The Super Ciphers are in 2nd place, a few percentage points behind Baltimore. The next three games will likely dictate whether we chase the O's or start looking over our shoulder, starving off the surprising Redsocks. Its May, and we already have five shutouts. 

This team may have found its destiny. Or, at least, its Ham Patterson. 

13 comments:

AboveAverage said...

HAIKU TUESDAY - Much less than half full Edition

Boone and Hal and Cash

Thirty runs still can not mask

This team still sucks arse’

AboveAverage said...

“ To call Giancarlo "slow" is like describing the Atlantic Ocean as "moist." “

Excellent wordage, ED! You deserve a jelly donut!

BTR999 said...

Stanton cannot run at all, and will not retire bc that would void his contract, leaving only the obvious alternative. It still amazes that those who handed out these ruinous contracts still have their jobs.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The 1909 Browns look like they were constructed by an intern:

Pos Name Age
C Lou Criger 37
1B Tom Jones 35
2B Jimmy Williams 32
SS Bobby Wallace 35
3B Hobe Ferris 34
OF Roy Hartzell* 27
OF George Stone* 32
OF Danny Hoffman* 29
average 32.625

Although they had Tom Jones, they were missing Engelbert Humperdinck, who had severe lumbago that year.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

AA,

Were you really awake at quarter to 5 composing that requiem?

Doug K. said...

Slow Runner Haiku

Smokey Burgess slow?
You try stealing second base...
in an Iron Lung.

DickAllen said...

What a terrible thing to say about Smokey. What did he ever do to you?

JM said...

Rufus, what are the asterisks next to some of the Browns' names? I'm sure we're missing something thrilling about them.

(p.s.--Duque, you meant "staving off" the Red Sox? I blame spellcheck.)

AboveAverage said...

Roofus, Yes I was
You know, old dogs need to pee
So I take them out

Timing is ideal
I post a Yankee Haiku
And go back to sleep

RizzO has RiseN
Recalibrated his Brain
Time to replace Boone

JM said...

From Pinstripe Alley:

Cole may not be ready until June,

Angels DFA Hicks. In 18 games to start this season, Hicks slashed .140/.222/.193 with a 36.5-percent strikeout rate and 22 wRC+.

Was Hicks' Orioles stint a mirage? A surge of adrenaline brought on by being released from the Yanks? A steroid-induced dream? Or one last hurrah?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Asterisk = bats left

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The brownies managed having a third of their losses by shutout. I think Boonie has a goal to reach.

AboveAverage said...

Haiku Tuesday - A Happier Haiku was requested, Edition:

We love our Yankees
Our hearts sing when our team wins
Big swing and a Hug