Yankees: Keep Cole and Carry On, while Caleb "Arizona" Durbin chases the immortal Rick Holifield

By now, you know that Gerrit Cole's "Et tu, Brute?" free agency lasted barely 24 hours, and he's ours through 2029 - age 38 - as is, hopefully with the Verlander gene infused in his spit. Meanwhile, let's hope the Death Barge wins something, so Cole doesn't spend the rest of his life recalling his role in "the Yankee Buckner." 

What's sorta weird here is that, apparently, Cole accepted the same contract that he opted out of, a phantom haggle that - I can't help wonder - contains hidden consequences. Basically, the story being sold is that Scott Boras - once, the most terrifying name in MLB front offices - took Cole to the marketplace and then yanked  him back. Does that make sense? Nope, unless... 

1. Unless Cole never wanted free agency to begin with, and Boras jumped the gun. This happened long ago with A-Rod - remember? - who opted out during a world series, then canned Boras and signed with the Yankees, hat in hand, seeking to make nice.

2. Unless Cole and Boras realized that nobody would beat a 4-year offer at $144 million for a 34-year-old who last year pitched 95 innings and might forever be recalled as "the Yankee Buckner." 

3. Unless Boras secured some secret, boilerplate change that will haunt us later. Are brown M&Ms still a thing?  

Whatever. Everybody loves Cole. That sign - "Yankee fan for life" - it still touches our hearts. He'll always be that innocent, adorable 9-year-old. If you think watching the Eagles' Saquan Barkley vault defenders is hurtful to Giants fans, watching Cole pitch for, say, the Blue Jays would be cruel and unusual juju punishment, even for the most obnoxious of us. 

So, he'll be back. Gleyber? Nah. Holmes? Probably gone. Soto? That's the question. 

If Soto leaves - no matter where he goes - there is absolutely no way the Yankees can spin the next three months in a positive way. Already, the Mets secretly own NY. (The media hasn't figured this out yet.) If the Mets sign Soto... kaboom. 

Wait! No! I take it back! There is Caleb Durbin, the Chuck Palahniukian pigmy - (at 5'6," even Anthony Volpe will tower over him; think of the photo ops with Aaron Judge) - now on the verge of beating Rick Holifield's all-time Arizona Instructional League single-season record for SBs. Why isn't ESPN doing cutaways?

In February, Durbin turns 25. It's sorta sad that he is The Distraction, but I'll take it. Last year, over three levels of the Yankee farms, he hit .275 with 18 HRs. (His HR numbers would be better, but he broke his hand and missed about 40 games.) Guy plays everywhere, but I gotta think he's a 2B.

Of course, it's worth wondering about the quality of catchers in an "Instructional" League. This season, over 18 games, Durbin has stolen 22 bases, caught stealing just once. He's hitting .265 with 3 HRs, only 4 Ks and 13 walks - (small strike zone?) - an OPS of .849. Yeah, it's a long shot, a moon shot, but I'm biting. If there's a pinprick of light, we'll sail towards it. 

Gerrit Cole will return. But really... The Yankee Buckner?