According to a brief in the next day's paper, shortly after the game blinked off, two Yank fans went to the local station and complained so vigorously, so bitterly, that police were called. The pair left. To this day, they remain at large. But their message has never dimmed:
Don't fuck with a Yankee game.
I've always ranked those two as the 2nd Greatest Yankee Fans of All Time, topped only by the anonymous vigilantes who scattered nails across Ed Whitson's driveway. They were the greatest, wherever they are.
I raise this today because, according to the Internet, we have two more candidates for my reverse Yankee shit list. This week, MLB banned - for life, no less - the two zealots who fought with Mookie Betts over a foul ball in the recent world series.
Third greatest Yank fans of all-time.
Okay, I know what you're thinking: Duque, have you've lost your mind? You speak blaspheme! As our social norms deteriorate, as the rule of law is collapsing, respect for stadium ushers everywhere is increasing under siege. We're on a slippery slope. The last thing you should do is defend - much less praise - these lawless, overbearing hooligans. As fans, we should sit in our assigned seats and timidly watch, without disturbing the sanctity of the contest. Now, please excuse me, as I chew some fresh cud. Mooooo...
Listen: Used to be, a pop fly into the demilitarized zone between fans and players - especially in enemy territory, foul territory - was up for grabs. Remember the Redsock fan who punched Gary Sheffield? The Fenway security guard who fought Jeff Nelson? Wait... does anybody remember Jeffrey Fucking Maier, the 12-year-old "ANGEL IN THE OUTFIELD" who snagged Jeter's HR over the disbelieving Tony Tarasco? Should he have been banned for life? (Fourth greatest of all time.)
A lifetime ban? That's the most ludicrous part: Unless they tattooed bar codes onto the pair, or MLB has some secret, big brother facial-ID software, a "lifetime ban" is a running punch line. It's why they make fake mustaches.
You could argue that the two mooks failed: They didn't dislodge the ball. The umps awarded Betts the out. But I say a message was sent:
Yankee fans are different. Yankee fans fight, even if their ownership doesn't. Those two fans went down swinging. At some point this summer, Juan Soto will feel hot coffee spill into his lap, or sense a car pulling into his lane, or maybe he'll find a tack in his driveway and wonder... WTF?
Third on the all-time list.
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I remember watching that play and thinking those two guys were mooks and that there was no way the umps wouldn't call the out.
If there had been a real chance, of course, they would rise from mookdom and maybe achieved superfandom status. But, mooks they remain in my memory.
—> Okay, I know what you're thinking: Duque, have you've lost your mind? You speak blaspheme! As our social norms deteriorate, as the rule of law is collapsing, respect for stadium ushers everywhere is increasing under siege. We're on a slippery slope. The last thing you should do is defend - much less praise - these lawless, overbearing hooligans. As fans, we should sit in our assigned seats and timidly watch, without disturbing the sanctity of the contest. Now, please excuse me, as I chew some fresh cud. Mooooo... <—-
Right down to the fifth ‘o’ in Mooooo, that was EXACTLY what I was thinking!
You’re a freakin’ Kreskin, E.D. !
(I implore you to only use your powers for truth, justice and the american way)
RIP - The Amazing Kreskin - died 12/10/24
These are precisely my thoughts when reading about the lifetime ban. Some sources claim the success rates of facial recognition systems range from the low to the upper 90%. But that is without methods of deception. Below is some interesting information concerning FRS:
What kind of attacks can AI be confronted with?
Attacks can be divided into two categories: those that know the neural network structure to carry them out (white box) and those that work without knowing the structure (black box).
Currently, white box attacks are the most studied and the most numerous. Likewise, accessing training databases or neural network models to build these attacks is not always easy. Modifying all your training data (photos, for example) so that you can no longer be identified is also not very practical to set up. Nevertheless, deceiving an image stream from a camera is another matter. Works have developed ways to hinder or mislead facial recognition using physical objects that can be carried on one’s person. Indeed, the system can no longer detect a person, or it is possible to pretend to be someone else. One of the most elementary attacks on facial recognition systems is to use a simple photo to pretend to be someone else. There are, of course, more sophisticated methods that will be less easy to counter.
What are the methods for fooling facial recognition algorithms?
To begin with, the American artist Adam Harvey has demonstrated that makeup, dyed wicks, or stickers on the face can fool systems. However, it is obvious that this type of camouflage is impossible to go unnoticed.
Another method is using special glasses. Either these allow the points of interest of the face to be blurred for the system, or they are equipped with quasi-infrared LEDs that will interfere with the camera’s vision without altering human vision. If the algorithm does not take the right points of interest, or if it cannot recognize them because of a noise in the image (such as a halo of light), authentication will not be possible or will be erroneous.
Finally, clothing can also be used to deter recognition by camouflaging thermal signatures or blocking surrounding electromagnetic signals. This type of clothing may become more widespread in the coming years in response to the ever-increasing deployment of cameras.
To go further, high-precision 3D mask printing methods are possible. These masks can be used to fool algorithms that do not have enough reference points. However, their realization is more complex, and their efficiency is questionable.
a half eaten hot dog poking out from one's gob coupled with ketchup, mustard, relish, onions and sauerkraut smeared across and/or cling to one's cheeks and and chin could also deter even the most advanced form of facial recognition technology by simply making it hungry and/or disgusted that humans still choose to ingest these rat feces infested meat poles inserted into cardboard flour buns . . . .
cling + ing = clinging - please plan accordingly
Better yet, the two banned fans (or any fan that has fallen onto James Dolan's shit list) should watch this clip. Seems like an easier way to fool FRS.
https://youtu.be/ssbAfSExJ-Q?si=GK-_QNCvvqGl0gvG
Sound advice, Carl. I wonder if nose glasses with big eyebrows and a mustache would work. Maybe if you put aluminum foil where the lenses would be, but with little holes so you can see.
They could've seriously injured Betts, which would not have been good. I'm against any fans having anything to do with the game (much as I have a soft spot in my heart for Jeffrey Maier). Usually, they're just drunk, and they would often as soon pull a Bartman.
Understood this post is satirical, so let me go in the opposite direction and say quite plainly these two yahoos got what they deserved..
I hear you, Horace. I'm ambivalent about fans going aggressively for a ball, interfering with the play, and/or hurting the opposing team's fielder or one of our own. In the moment's spontaneity, it doesn't matter who is trying to catch the ball or which side is helped. Those fans could have been eating something with a plastic spoon or fork or holding some other object in their hands that could put a slice on someone's hand or face. At least the act wasn't premeditated, which would undoubtedly warrant criminal prosecution.
@ JM, it definitely didn't work for Bobby Valentine 25 years ago, and there was no such technology then. So, unless modified with a signal-jamming device, it wouldn't work.
Just one more thing, as Columbo would say: As much as Hal is an inveterate wimp and totally aloof owner, he doesn't rise to the contemptible level as that creepy drunk and universally detested sports owner, James Dolan. Although a billionaire, he has to pay people to be his friends or play in his band. He's as lacking on the guitar as he is in lacking any kind of socially accepted norms.
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