1. Is there a limit to how far a Yankee team can fall in one summer?
No. See those floorboards? They're a hallucination. The elevator just keeps going down.
In May, the Yankees opened a 7-game lead in the AL East and flirted with baseball's best record. Ever since, the have collectively re-enacted the self-immolating fates of drummers for Spinal Tap. Amazingly, the trade deadline seems to have done the impossible: It made matters worse. We traded a bunch of future prospects for - yikes - this?
If the meltdown continues, we could be watching the greatest Yankee swoon in modern history. We are seeing a masterpiece being painted on the hull of a sinking ship.
2. Will anybody ever be held accountable for the longest Yankee championship drought in history?
No.
Wait, I take it back. Yank fans will toss about derogatory words about Joey Gallo, Zolio Almonte and maybe Austin Slater (the newest Yank, who tweaked a hammy last night and is already out, a genius-level disappointment) and anybody else who - for personal reasons boosted from childhood traumas - happens to get remembered throughout the din. But Cooperstown Cashman is eternal and Ghislaine Boone surely owns incriminating photos, because both will return next year with a new crop of hyped rookies and former all-stars.
3. Is there hope for this team?
No.
Wait, I take it back.
Look, we're crazy suckers for a Yankee victory. If the team wins tonight, we'll be gobbling in this space tomorrow, talking up Jazz and Gio, or whomever had the winning solo home run. (It's always a solo home run, right?)
When Pavlov waves his meat, we burst into whistling kettles of fresh drool. But if the current malaise continue - and does anyone see a reason to think otherwise? - the Yankee summer of 2025 will go down as one of the most oppressively joyless periods in our lifetimes.
It's time to ponder - yes! - the Tankathon!
We've always known - even if it was our best kept secret - that the country and the Yankees are inherently connected, and when one tanks, they both go under. So here we are, watching everything collapse, and dreading the eventual hurricane - the big injury to a key player - to finish us off.
Right how, the Yankees would draft 20th next summer - we're still far out of the first pick lottery. But I have faith in this team. The floorboards are not real.
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21 comments:
The floorboards are a trap door, and we're falling through it.
In my disgust at seeing the final score from last night, I didn't bother reading that Slater is already injured. Did I ever mention that the company that supplied meals during my college days was named Slater? Which is how we said so long to their employees. "Hey, Dave...Slater."
Funny story: I got up today and turned on the TV. The game was being rerun, it was the 9th inning, and we were ahead 5-4. Williams was about to pitch. I figured, nah, can't fuck this one up, too. So I didn't watch the rest. Then I flipped open the laptop and saw the final.
That's no way to start the day, let me tell you.
From Pinstripe Nation:
Stanton, 35, has quietly delivered some of his best numbers in years. He is batting .270 with 10 home runs and 28 RBIs in just 126 at-bats. Over his last 15 games, he’s slashing .298/.355/.632 with six homers and 14 RBIs.
His hard-hit rate is over 50% in 2025, placing him among the league’s most dangerous bats in terms of quality contact. Just last week, Stanton came off the bench to hit the first pinch-hit home run of his career, a blast that sparked a comeback win against Seattle.
The Yankees need offense. But with Judge locked into the DH role and Stanton not cleared to play the outfield, Boone is running out of spots to keep both bats in the lineup.
Oh, and about Stanton's HR:
According to Statcast data, the pitch was located nearly 17 inches off the plate and just inches above the ground. No right-handed batter had ever hit a home run on a pitch that far outside and that low — not in the Statcast era, not in the modern game.
That masterpiece you see on the hull of a sinking ship - and that's a brilliant image, Master Duque, thank you for it - it's a porn movie called "Boone is My Bitch." The one place where I disagree with you, and perhaps it's simply my irrational exuberance, is that I think Boone's job *could* be in jeopardy if it continues to get worse. Brian is a serial reptilian backstabber and he'll eventually need a corpse to sink his knife into, a sack of potatoes to toss under that bus, a patsy to knock off in the garage of the Dallas police department. Boone is being kept alive in a laboratory environment for the sole purpose now of taking the hit for Brian. After that, beware of the real stooge - whoever Brian chooses to replace him. I'm not saying it's the Boone death watch just yet, but it could happen sooner than you think. The real evils are Brian and Hal 9000.
The thing is, JM, that Stanton only ever seems to deliver when there's nothing on the table, when it doesn't matter. We have seen this syndrome before. He's a selfish hitter.
There's a boy outside
His name is Brian
He fucks us over
And leaves us cryin'
The men in my little fan's life...
The men in my little fan's life
Hey, Dad...
There's a boy outside
His name is Hal
He's always laughing
As he sucks Cristal
The men in my little fan's life...
The men in my little fan's life
Oh, father...
There's a boy outside
His name is Aaron
He's a real smart guy and...
NO, DAD, THAT'S NOT REALLY TRUE--HE'S A TOTAL FUCKING IDIOT!! UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!!!
The men in my little fan's life...
The men in my little fan's life
"Some of Stanton's best numbers..." How often have we heard that? Followed, inevitably, by 'What a shame he tweaked a hammy/groin/elbow/head...'
Stanton can be awesome—when he can stay in the lineup. Mostly, he can't.
JM, do you have a poster of Giancarlo pinned to the wall above your bed? Do you dream of being bench-pressed by the big lug?!?!?
Bitty is spot on: this guy only delivers when it doesn’t matter!
He’s been a millstone around this team since Jeter fleeced The Intern.
Loved "masterpiece on the hull of a sinking ship," Duque. And yeah, these Yanks keep drawing you back in. Thing I'm amazed at, though, is how little momentum they seem to gain from winning.
Last month, you'll recall, they came out and simply destroyed the Cubbies, 11-0 at Yankees Stadium. Judge was making amazing plays in the outfield, everyone was hitting home runs, etc. 11-0. With Fried slated the next day, and Warren the day after that.
I thought—despite my better judgement and no more hope, still, that they would be thriving in October—'Well, maybe they've turned things around and are going to go on a tear.'
No such thing, of course. Mister Blister was gone after 3 innings. Warren pitched all right, but the Yanks scored only 3 runs in 2 games. And so it went. They had run off three in a row and were looking at an easy fourth, when the meltdown happened on Friday. It's like they fall, and they can't get back up.
In fairness—though why I should be fair to a multimillionaire who can't be bothered to train in a way that keeps him playing, I dunno—Stanton has had some big games in the postseason. But he's missed too many of those, as well.
Get this: Jake Bird has been optioned to Scranton.
Amazing. Yeah, he sure spit the bit, as Mad George liked to say. But really. You give up two, highly rated prospects for this guy—then send him down after 3 appearances?
Bird is 29, and this is his fourth season in the majors. I imagine he is gobsmacked by this. What a way to kill his confidence in no time!
That’s what The Intern does best, Hoss. It’s his superpower, and no doubt will be part of his bio on his Hall of Fame plaque.
"Underachieving Yankees are a terrible reflection on Aaron Boone and his coaching staff | The Show" (Heyman and Sherman)
August 4, 2025 | 7:15pm
The dam is breaking. There is nowhere in the media, mainstream or otherwise that is not either calling for Boone's head or at a minimum headed, toward the knife drawer.
If they lose again in Texas (and they will) Girardi by the weekend.
Beauty Abounds . . .
Duque, you will be like Rip Van Duque.
Days from now, you will awaken from a blackout drunk somewhere in Upstate NY and ask, "How did Boone screw up the game last night?"
And we will answer, "Boone? He is no longer. Tis Girardi that calls the shots!"
And you will inquire, "What of Cashman? Surely he was purged too?"
And we will hand you a bottle and reply sadly, "No we still have that putz..."
And we will each share a long slug of the drink called resignation.
I'll post tomorrow morning, as usual. From then on, dRUNK bLOG.
I know. I meant resigned to our fate. :)
šššš
From now on, I'm only going to talk about their looks. Did you notice Bird's nose is shaped like a beak?
Went to look for the story and found this: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jake_Bird
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