Saturday, January 31, 2026

Alert! Alert ! An Above Average Transmission has just come through.

Posted by AboveAverage at 2:34 PM




13 comments:

13bit said...

I don't care if it's Morse Code or Braille, if I can't put it through Google Translate, I'm not going to read it. Did Brian put you up to this diabolical form of communication? Is this how the catcher now signals the pitcher on the Yankees? I recall a story about the Mick's 600th homer, where the opposing pitcher yelled loudly that he was going to throw it down the middle? Am I hallucinating that memory? Have I become just an AI bot?

January 31, 2026 at 5:02 PM
Carl J. Weitz said...

Wow, what a shrewd move by Cashman. Making an offer to Austin Slater after his short tenure with the team produced a .120 batting average. If they don't have better corner outfielders on the farm or don't think that Jones and Dominguez area better options, then this team is in big trouble.

January 31, 2026 at 7:17 PM
Doctor T said...

I cracked Starlink GMR-2 encryption, by singing Camptown Races, while imitating Elon Musk, then used bluetooth capacity on Hal's unsecured phone to listen to Yankee leadership talk about their plans for the future. Here's what I heard:

Randy wonders if the next player union negotiations could result in the return to slavery. Everyone laughed, but there wasn't a lot of enthusiasm about the outcome. Lonn Trost piped in to complain about having to rub elbows with a construction worker and said he had to call up his doctor to make sure he wasn't infected.

Hal postulated about the potential savings of a player lockout on payroll and asked his braintrust to figure out how to make money on baseball if they don't play any games. Lonn and Randy said they would get right on that and thought they could make a lot of money without actual games.

Lonn suggested Yankee crypto. Everyone thought that was a great idea. Hal said move things forward, but don't spend much money on it. Everyone agreed they would need to dump their Yankee crypto before the next season ended because they were unlikely to make to the post season and a player lockout would probably tank it in 2027.

Everyone laughed when Lonn suggested they could sell high when the Yankees looked good in August and buy it all back low, once they knew there was a deal with the union and the public didn't know yet.

Hal said work out the math on that.

Randy suggested they could make even more money gaming the sports gambling lines. Boone and Cashman said they were already on that and keep Randy in the loop.

Boone was apparently playing with a figet toy, when Randy snapped it away from him and told him to pay attention. Cashman said something inaudible.

Cashman asked how they were going to spin all of this, but then the Starlink satellite I had cracked crashed into the space station and the signal was lost.

Sorry guys. I thought I was on to something.

January 31, 2026 at 8:04 PM
Carl J. Weitz said...

Doctor, all is not lost except for the signal. But that's just temporary if you once again can gain access to Hal's communications. Simply find a good place to hide the bug and get someone Hal would never suspect to do the job. I suggest hiding the device up Hal's butt, and Cashman is the one to do it. Brian is always kissing his ass, so that orifice is unguarded prime real estate. Like the Manchurian Candidate, brainwashing Cashman won't be a heavy lift. Instead of a playing card to set the command in motion, it would be more fitting to have him trade baseball cards with Michael Kay's son, and Aaron Judge's card as the trigger. Let us know when the mission is accomplished.

January 31, 2026 at 9:08 PM
AboveAverage said...

Hey Carl - I have a library book that’s been overdue since ‘73. Would you be willing to take it back to Blackstone for me ?

January 31, 2026 at 9:41 PM
Doctor T said...

Cashman dreams of power and is attacted to those more powerful than he. Alas, that's not me. He is a vain, superficial dude, however. Flattery will get you everywhere, so long as you are usful. I'll talk to Mike about the mission and see if he's down with it.

But I'm not sure the Hal bunghole idea will work. Not even Micheal Kay has the juice to get Cashman to obey suggestive commands. Only Hal has that power.

The back up plan would be to embed a microphone in shiny object in a dumpster near a rival baseball team headquarters. He's also attracted to shiny objects. So he may find it when he's dumster diving for his next championship team. I'll probably have to do that in a few dumpsters, so he finds at least one of them.

I'll report back when I have more to report.

January 31, 2026 at 10:33 PM
13bit said...

Doctor T - I'm bowing down in your direction after that post. How do I know your direction? I used the Starlink Direction Finder©, but I didn't pay for the deluxe upgrade, so I only know that you're north of me. Then again, I'm in bayou country, so almost everybody is north of me. AND, on the off chance you're in South America right now, that just means my subscription got cancelled. Anyway, I'm going to reread your post and go ponder the imponderables.

January 31, 2026 at 10:40 PM
AboveAverage said...

Any one need a beer ?

I’m more than happy to provide.

Just let me know asap.

Thank you and have a lovely day !

January 31, 2026 at 11:11 PM
Doctor T said...

I'm on the 3rd rock from the sun, 13bit. That's all you need to know.

February 1, 2026 at 12:13 AM
Carl J. Weitz said...

Surely

February 1, 2026 at 12:39 AM
Carl J. Weitz said...

And my college wouldn't give my my diploma until I paid my library fines. But I got even with them. I took every Splenda packet from each table in the student cafeteria.

February 1, 2026 at 12:44 AM
13bit said...

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

February 1, 2026 at 8:06 AM
JM said...

With the offseason soundly focused on Cashman's astounding ineptitude, it's easy to forget that Boone is an idiot.

February 1, 2026 at 9:39 AM

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