With nothing better to do, I appropriated four hours last night to America's version of cultural jury duty.
Didn't care who won, the Jersey Gints having sapped my football fandom back in November. Just figured I'd watch, in case something happened.
Nothing did (well, one exception.)
The obligatory 10 thoughts:
1. The game was torpid. It seemed like eight hours. I claim to love a crisp defensive gem. This was not that. New England's OL played like Styrofoam statues. Both QBs overthrew wide receivers who were wide open.
2. In today's NFL, when place-kickers commonly hit from 50 yards out, a game of field goals barely rivals the excitement of professional cornhole.
3. Actually, late in the game, something did happen. A streaker ran out onto the field and briefly eluded security. Naturally, NBC cut away and, while Mike Tirico clutched his pearls, refused to show it. Fortunately, there are cellphones. See above.
5. OK, number three does make me a geezer. Considering the world we're leaving them, millennials have every right to "Okay Boomer" us. But the collective theme from last night's ad blitz seemed to be that the world we know is flying out the window. Good luck understanding it, everybody.
6. Wait! One exception: Two ads told us that Lays Potato Chips are made from... potatoes! WHO KNEW?
7. The halftime show needed subtitles. Seriously, would it have been that much of an extra expense, or artistic comedown, to let us dolts at home know what Bad Bunny was saying? Okay, now, I'm really sounding old: But they built a billion dollar set and didn't fucking bother to show us the lyrics. I looked forward to understanding Bad Bunny's messaging. Big disappointment.
8. At least it was fun to imagine Trump hating the show. True to form, he complained. Almost makes it worthwhile.
9. Always enjoy Tirico, who - full disclosure - was in my rotisserie baseball league, way back when he worked in Syracuse. But Chris Collingsworth has run out of gas. The slower the game, the more superlatives he heaped. By the end, we were witnessing the greatest defense in NFL history. Ridiculous.
10. If there is a Hell, it is watching the Super Bowl pregame show through eternity.
Yanks open Tampa on Wednesday.
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21 comments:
At least the Pats lost. In an otherwise bleak, radioactive desert of a news day, the Patriots lost. I say this not solely as a New Yorker nor as a recovering Jets fan, but as a person who values decency, considers B*****K and B***y emissaries of Satan, and believes that Foxboro is a gateway to the netherworld. I don't follow football anymore, but I would never root for the Pats. Unless, maybe, they were playing the Cowboys.
PS: Go Bad Bunny
Bad Bunny did advise everyone to learn Spanish.
It would have been a more exciting way to spend our time leading up to the half time performance than watching the game.
Si.
Okay, that exhausts my Spanish skills. I went to bed as the game started, but the missus stayed up for the first half and the Bunny show. She had nothing to say about any of it, but was glad to hear that Seattle won.
I saw that Fat Hitler watched the Bunny show, too. The better to curse it out, I guess. Hey, how about that Kid Rock?
You are allowed to reply, "Is he still alive?"
RIP Fred Smith
Durbin to the Red Sox for beans. We're cursed.
2026 Projected American League East Standings - As of January 29
Toronto Blue Jays 90-72
Boston Red Sox 90-72
Baltimore Orioles 88-74
New York Yankees 87-75
Tampa Bay Rays 75-87
"So there you have it. Based on the projections from all of these simulations, the Yankees finish fourth in the division, winning seven fewer games than last season. So much for this being a 94-win team that got better."
Let's bring back Gary Sanchez and Chad Green. What the hell. They need a job.
Regarding:
#2...If anyone really wants to watch professional cornholin, I can recommend a few classic porn movies.
#4...Buy the steep crypto dip.
#6...Oh, I remember those food scientists at Lays introduced their WOW potato chips in the late 90's. It was aptly named due to the surprise effect of the olestra oil they used, which reduced the amount of fat stored in the body but induced explosive diarrhea. "WOW, I just shit my pants!"
#7...Next year's Super Bowl halftime show will feature the Hassidic rapper Matisyahu, who will croon in Hebrew. Subtitles will be used, but they will flow right-to-left, confusing all English-speaking people.
On another note, referring to yesterday's posts: What was your draft number, if any? Mine was 56, LOL.
yeah, the Fred Smith thing. man
Hey Carl, I think we put on a better show in yesterday's posts than the Super Toilet Bowl yesterday, eh?
Actually, that was the first football game I watched in about a decade. I kind of enjoyed it. The main thing was the effing N.E. Patriots got their butts handed to them. Wow, that was SWEET!!!
And the Seattle QB was ex Jet draft pick Sam Darnold. When they picked him back in 2018, I said that was the right pick. Of course, the Jets can never develop players, especially QB's, so he floundered with the Jets. I read that he went around the league, like a journeyman, or like a samurai on a quest to find the right master to learn from. He honed his skills in San Fran, went to Minnesota and finally made good. Now he's a Superbowl Champion in Seattle. More power to him. He proved that the New York Jets do know how to pick the right QB and that the New York Jets cannot develop players if their lives depended on it. Congratulations, Sam Darnold! I always knew you had it in you!
People who didn't know any better went around callin' Sam Darnold a "bust". I will pull a Christopher Columbo here and say it: I told you so!
Sam Darnold still has a big time arm. I was glad to see a few long howitzers downfield, although they didn't connect.
That Patriots QB, Drake Mayes, (I have a lot of trouble remembering his name, who the hell names their kid "Drake"?), has spaghetti arms with piddling velocity. Can he break a pane of glass with a throw? Him and Chad Pennington should get together and have a velocity contest. Betcha Pennington wins, 25 mph v. 23 mph. Seriously, I saw a whole lotta wounded pigeons death spiralin' down yesterday. A lot of those throws looked like badminton shuttlecock serves. You know, there were girls in my middle school with bigger arms than Drake Mayes.
What's that Patriot QB named after, the old english sea dog, Sir Francis Drake?
He's on the wrong team, then. Should be a Tampa Buccaneer.
Fifteen men on the dead man's chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil have done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Didn't watch the half time show. Went to the kitchen to get something to eat. Lo and behold the Bad Bunny thing went on so long that I made it back just in time for the second half.
I'd never even heard of Bad Bunny until recently. What's he do, rap? I hate rap except maybe for one song by Beck called "Loser", one of the Yankee theme songs for the last decade and a half. The chorus is soccer chant style and it's hilarious.
If Trump watched an alternate half time show elsewhere, then how does he know what Bad Bunny did? Anyways, the criticism is not entirely wrong. If the whole thing was in Spanish, then how the hell are thick Americans supposed to understand? No comprende, amigo!
Hey, betcha I can spit further than Drake Mayes can throw. Hell, betcha I can blast a cumshot further than Drake Mayes can throw!
Hey, let's allow Drake Mayes to borrow the Yankee loser song. For once, it's not the Yankees who are losers. And it'll piss off Trump, because it's got Spanish. That putz'll be like "I can't understand a word of", "what language is that?" Stoopid putz.
Soy un perdador
I'm a loser baybee
So why don't you kill me?
(Everyone together now)
SOYYYYYYYY UN PERDADOOOOOOOOOR
I'M A LOSER BAYBEEEEEEEEEE
SO WHY DON'T YOU KILL ME????
When Richard Cole (Led Zepplelin road manager) and Led Zeppelin got busted by the French gendarmes for driving like maniacs through the streets of France, they got thrown into a holding cell. Cole had everyone sing English soccer chants at the top of their lungs. It only took five minutes for the gendarmes to crack and throw them all out of jail.
If you get busted by ICE, sing the Loser song at the top your lungs and get everyone else to also. They'll crack in five minutes!
Agreed, other than the halftime show. I’m fairly fluent in Spanish, but it was hard for me to catch all the lyrics. They’re mostly harmless. I had no issues with any of it. Some may long for the return of Up With People, but as Springsteen sang “hey buddy, that ain’t me”
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