From the Comments

Throwing at Youk's head will never be the same with a White Sox helmet on him. But it won't be bad, just different.--John M

Letter to the Editor: I believe that Yankees should be punished on the field"

The Boston Herald

June 22, 2012

Dear Editor,

As an avid Red Sox fan, I believe that Yankees should be punished on the field, but not in inconsequential trials that take up America's time and money ('Jury: Clemens not guilty,' June 19).

- Katherine Lazarski,

Bristol, Conn.

Why Mets juju doesn't work

The Mets’ good-luck clubhouse chicken was sent down to the farm yesterday after the Amazin’s lost to the Yanks Saturday — but the move didn’t help last night.
The brassy bird — dubbed “Little Jerry Seinfeld” — was handed over at Citi Field yesterday to a rep from an upstate animal sanctuary by zany Mets reliever Tim Byrdak, who bought the fowl as a prank Saturday.
“Little Jerry found himself a new home,” the left-hander said before the bird was given to the Farm Sanctuary of Watkins Glen. “He avoids the fryer and the oven and everything else you can cook a chicken with.”

Last night, John said, "Dig this."

He was talking about the American League's dominance in interleague play. He was preparing to unveil a statistic.

I swear I heard it.

He said, "Dig this...!"

He did. No lie.



I, El Duque, hereby testify and swear that the above statements are true and have not been altered in any way, shape or form to convey a different meaning. I am telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Signed,

El Duque

Should the Yankees, in the ultimate attempt at torturing Redsock fans, go after Youkilis?

OK, I admit it: At first glance, the notion seems ridiculous: What do we need with Kevin Youkilis? Don't we already have enough slow-footed, overpriced, DH-oriented former sluggers? Yeesh. We have Jack Cust and Russell Branyan sitting on the Montezuma Exit of the NYS Thruway, begging the driver to slow down in the cell phone zone so they can check their messages. Plus, there's no guarantee the White Sox would ever trade us Youkilis. Yep. Whole idea is crazy absurd. Why even think about it?

Well, Jasper, I'll tell you why.

Because we now can!

My friends, we have just been handed the keys to the secret Redsock clubhouse on Cape Cod. Of course, we can stay away and respect their property. Yep. We can be fine, upstanding citizens of the AL East, worthy rivals and pillars of the MLB community.

To anybody who wants that, I say, "Leave now, you chubby Rotarian/Shriner-bot, get out, and don't come back!" This is the Redsock Nation here. In a heartbeat, they'd sign Marinano and have him cross-dressing on behalf of Little Debby snackcakes. I say, we go to the clubhouse, empty the liquor cabinet, write things on the wall with our feces, take pictures and torch it. This isn't Toronto, baby. In the name of Wade Boggs, let's do damage!

They scrapped Youkilis. The Fenway poochies are still wiping tears. The Gammonites, so heavy-hearted with literary remorse, cannot lift their pens. What are we waiting for? This is our shot at bull-goose revenge, the kind JR Ewing perfected o "Dallas," full-scale Ernest Blofeld/Loki stuff. And it's easy: We wait for the White Sox to stumble - maybe this year, maybe next - and swoop in. Once the wallet starts to pinch, we offer to play half the $8 million per - and kaboom - we just bought ourselves a Fenway revenge bomb. This is the equivalent of them planting a David Ortiz jersey in the Yankee Stadium concrete -- WHICH THEY TRIED TO DO. This is why Roger Clemens remains the most hated man in Boston. This is why they still shake their heads at the name "Johnny Damon."

We have the chance for some really top level evil. Seriously, what's more fun - going out in the first round of the playoffs, or messing with the Redsock Nation?

Eric Chavez has one more season left, if we're lucky. Anduw Jones is hitting - what - .205? We need a hitter off the bench. We somebody who hates Boston more than he hates life itself.

I hereby nominate Kevin Youkilis for 2013 IT IS HIGH/OSCAR MAYER LUNCHABLES May Yankee Employee of the Month. I will personally keep the parking space swept out in advance of his arrival.

Meh's taunt lives on

Bad recipe: HR-hitting team meets hot knuckleballer

Nobody becomes baseball's hot pitcher without humiliating the Yankees on national TV. For starters, half the people in America immediately fall in love with the guy, for beating the Yankees. Plus, you have the hype factor, the FOX or ESPN machines that gin up rivalries, story lines, etc., for the sake of ratings.

I remember Mark Fydrich crushing the Reggie-Thurman team. Felix Hernandez did it to our recent orders. Justin Verlander. Yu Darvish. It's a rite of passage. (Dice K never pulled it off, which was the first crack in his hype dyke.)

Tonight brings R.A. Dickey's claim to greatness. The knuckler vs the homer-happy team.

Steel yourselves for the over-the-top hype, for immediate drama over no-hitter potential, and a CC meltdown that will make the entire night a Mets party.

Good night to see Prometheus.

Yankeetorial: Are the Met fans using dark juju?

First off, let’s be straight:

Defeat is chickenhood.

If a Met calls you “chicken,” and then beats you… well Clucky, you have no excuse for your feathers being ruffled.

Last night, we lost our third in a row. To the Mehs. The lowly, otherworldly, fly-under-our-boot-heel Mehs. We will certainly lose Sunday, the lone question being whether R.A. Dickey will throw a no-hitter. Thus, unless we win today, we will follow our celebrated 10-game winning streak with five consecutive losses. Yeesh. We might keep losing until the International Juju Intervention has been completely nullified.

Folks, somebody out there is using hard juju on us.

They have gone Aleister Crowley on us.

Are Met fans dabbling in the black arts?

I have a theory. About a month ago, the Yankees were horrible. Ruth Bader Ginsburg had a better chance of plating a man. Then we unleashed the International Juju Intervention, putting a rift into the universal juju-space continuum. We thought it would only affect the Yankees. What if we were wrong?

One moment, Facebook stock was worth $40 a share. The next, it was $29. A couple billion dollars abruptly vanished – to where – to R.A. Dickey?

Suddenly, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were dating, and homeless people were eating each other’s faces, Brett Gardner could not heal, and R.A. Dickey is Sandy Koufax at 80 mph.

Ever since the Juju Intervention, the world has been on bath salts – yes, BATH SALTS. WTF is going on? Bath salts? I’m no quantum physicist, but I’ve seen enough Twilight Zone episodes to know what’s happening: You go screwing around with the Large Hadron Supercollider, poking your little ray shooters into the wrong particle, and the next thing you know, we're in a different universe, Mariano is hurt, Phil Hughes is pitching well, and the whole world is crazy over the Bay City Rollers. (Actually, the whole world isn’t crazy about the Bay City Rollers; I was reaching for the strangest image I could think of.)

Last night, we were chickens. The Redsocks are closing on us.

Today, we need a break. Have we used our quota?

Rivalometer

PAPI: Boston's a "shithole!" 

SCHILL: "I'm tapped out!" 

"Chickens?"

“I can’t wait to face those chickens,” Mets closer Frank Francisco told The Post when asked about playing the Yankees in this weekend’s Subway Series at Citi Field. “I want to strike out the side against them. I’ve done it before.”

World, Yankees, prepare for no-hitter by R.A. Dickey

Yeesh. Coverage of the Subway Series’ upcoming marquee matchup – CC vs RA - is like watching a reality TV show from Death Row. Right now, if R.A. Dickey only throws a shutout, he’ll be a failure.

Today’s NYT remembers the Hoyt Wilhelm no-hitter – last pitcher (a knuckleballer) to throw one against us (if you discount the team of Astros a few years back, which disgraced us.) And let’s face it: Everybody knows the team that wins via HRs will struggle against the knuckler. (Fortunately, we have the game’s pre-eminent slap hitter, Alex Rodriguez. Maybe he can dribble one into LF.)

I still remember Roger Maris’ last non-astericked chance to beat Babe Ruth's HR record in 1961, after the lords of the game decided to poke a stick in Roger’s eyes. They announced that he had 154 games to beat Ruth, and nothing more. In Game 154, we were playing the Orioles in Baltimore. Roger needed to hit one to tie Ruth. He slammed a foul ball homer, and he flew out deep to right – you heard the shiver in Mel Allen’s voice when it left the bat, but the damn thing fell at the track. And in the final inning, Roger's last at bat, the Orioles did something cruel: They brought in Hoyt Wilhelm. They brought in a knuckleballer.

I remember my dad laughing (He hated the Yankees; read mybook, and you’ll know this). “Wilhelm never gives up home runs,” he said. “Never.” I can’t deliver the numbers, which the announcers rattled off, but they were scary: Something like one HR in the last 500,000 at bats. In other words, the Babe Ruth merch tent was safe. Maris bounced to the second baseman. I’ve dreaded knuckleballers ever since. (Not even Mantle's HR off Barney Schultz salved my fears. They are just bad juju. Period.)

So now, we sit on death watch, waiting for our jolt of electricity. After Jeet and Slappy Arod, maybe Jason Nix is our best bet to break it up. Or maybe CC can toss his own shutout. Either way, the doom and gloom of pre-juju May has returned. The Mets look like the favorites. Once again, they seem to own the zeitgeist of NYC. Can anybody get a hit? Will we ever win again? Yeesh.

Sorry if this sounds cynical, but the Scranton Yankees want to stage one of those fake fan polls

What a joke. Years ago, they did it in Syracuse: The Syracuse Chiefs said they were changing the name of the team - politically correct issues with Native Americans - and they wanted public input. Yeah, right. The newspaper held a poll. The fans voted. Then the Chiefs announced their new name: the SkyChiefs. It wasn't even on the ballot. Fan input, my ass. (BTW, they're now the Chiefs again. Amazingly, SkyChiefs didn't catch on.)

So The future Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons now want the good people of SWB to play act in the illusion of democracy and choose a new name for the future Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons. Yeah, right. Fans will get to approve the team being named the Red Barons, which is like the Rooskies approving Putin. So they will be the Red Barons. Why? Don't ask. It's just baseball, which admires change the way Donald Trump admires trailer parks.

Listen: Our stupid Employee of the Month polls have as much integrity as this crapola, and we do the whole thing for mock drama. In the end, they will be the Scranton- Wilkes Barre Red Barons, endorsed by "the people." The city will rejoice in this affirmation of its past. The torch shall be carried. (Look, don't get me wrong. I got nothing personal against Scranton. And I'm not talking down to them: For God's sake,  I live in Syracuse.) This is how it's done in America today: Conduct a poll. Tell everybody what they think. Nobody can argue. And it sure looks open.

BTW, since they won't count anywhere, here are my suggested team names, based on what I've seen while passing through the town:

The SWB Amish Breakfasts Specials
The SWB Mining Disasters
The Scranton-Wilkes Barried Alive
The SWB Turnpike Traffic Cones
The SWB Hydrofrackers
The SWB Just Six Miles to Clark Summits

Rivalometer

REMDAWG: "I don't find it toxic at all!" 

YANKEE HISTORIAN: "Where's the justice?"

Amazing characteristics of newly discovered Higgs Boston particle

1. Always intends to reveal itself next year.

2. Ability to suddenly collapse into nothingness.

3. Explodes with negative ions near Valentine particle.

4. Amazingly, seems to like Ben Affleck movies.

5. Produces bizarre whining sound, called “Shaughnessy Effect.”

6. May induce cryonic freezing of former players' heads.

7. In alternative universe, has already traded Kevin Youkilis.

8. Found only by super-colliders with “toxic” clubhouses.

Gardner vows to return before 2017

In the meantime, he needs to exercise that touchy elbow.

To help him heal, we offer a few tried and true workout manuevers.

The 20-ounce curl

The vertical arm extension

The two-arm horizontal thrust

The groundhog lift

Mudville nine stepping to the plate today?

Pictured (front row L-R): Alvaro Espinosa, Mel Hall, Matt Nokes, Wayne Tolleson, Mike Blowers.
(Second row): Brian Dorsett, Jim Walewander, Kevin Maas, Jesse Barfield.

An IT IS HIGH WHITE PAPER: 29 years later, MLB finally seeks to halt out-of-control pine tar abuse

In 1983, the lords of baseball had a chance to staunch the growing poison known as pine tar and its ruinous impact upon the national pastime.

They were literally handed rock-solid evidence of pine tar abuse.

They ran like the shrieking, cowardly, fairyland piglets that they are, the dirty stinking clowns.

They could have buckled down and upheld the negation of George Brett’s infamous and blatantly illegal home run, rightfully awarding a crucial game to the Yankees, instead of cowtowing to the cheater-criminal Kansas City Royals. Their refusal to support the rule of law, in the face of incontrovertable evidence from solicitor Billy Martin, remains today a dark, sticky smear upon the integrity of the game.

Dammit, they caught Brett black-handed, his fingers stuck to the cookiejar, and their own umps called him out, OUT! And what happened next? They backtracked, overturning the call, folding like a cheap sheet of typing paper, breaking like wind at a Shriners' convention.

For shame, for shame. . . for shame!

Well, as Goodtimes Lackey used to say in the Fenway clubhouse, "Boys, the fried chicken has come home to roost."

Last night, Tampa Bay’s Joel Peralta was booted from a game after Washington Nationals manager Davey Johnson protested the blatant smear of pine tar that disgraced the pitcher’s mitt. Let’s see if it stands. It’s taken the umps 29 years to work up the gumption to make another pine tar call and do what’s right — take the stainy pitch out of the game.

Bravo, Washington! Bravo, umps! A lot gets written about performance enhancing drugs, but the ugliest scandal for the last 30 years has been how Yankee rivals have coated the game in black, gloopy globs.

Twenty nine years. . . but better late than never.

WE HEREBY CALL UPON THE LEADERS OF MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TO RETROACTIVELY OVERTURN THE OVERTURN....

1. Restoring the 1983 Yankee victory,
2. Eliminating George Brett’s home run from the fossil record,
3. Fining him for his violent outburst,
4. And reconsidering the heinous villain’s place in history.

The gristmills of the gods grind slowly... but infinitely Yankeesque. Our indignation and wrath will forever stick to Mr. George Brett like – well – not glue, but something else... something gummy. Something black. What is it? Anybody want to guess? Here's a clue: It aint licorice.

Hapless Yanks blow another; Did we shoot the juju moon too soon in June?

Thank you, Mustang, thank you soooo much, for boasting that your Rivalometer Index caused the now-long forgotten Yankee 10-game winning streak. As soon as you jumped onto the bandwagon – no, as soon as you climbed onto the bandwagon, dropped trough and mooned the juju gods — we started losing. Way to go, Al. . . that’s right, "Al," as in "Al Batross."


OK, very well, no problem. It was going to end eventually. We have now experienced the limits of the juju surge. We now know what one International Juju Intervention can do — 20-4 — but then. . . WTF? Well, here’s TFW: You wake up shivering cold and naked in the gutter, covered in Purina Dog Chow and unable to remember anything except the words "Coronet Blue," (a ‘70s joke that most of you won’t get.) You don’t know what happened. You don’t know what didn’t happen. You were playing unconscious. Now, you’re conscious, in fact, keenly aware that each pitch is spinning really fast and – like, WOW, man — you’re grokking that everybody in the stands, even the kids, will someday be dead. So you swing like Billy Crystal. And it’s all because of Mustang. . . and that Rivalometer of his better not show the blue arrow pointed up. Ask not to whom the Blue Arrow points. It points to thee.

We have now dropped two out of three — at home, in our backyard, in front of our wives and children, in broad daylight, on TV, to a team most remembered for the surreal size of Dale Murphy’s facial mole, which needed a zip code. We are staggering, wandering, collapsing — waiting to be no-hitted by R.A. Dickey — hoping to run out the clock on the season — but it’s June.

Solstice. Longest day of the year. Not made any shorter by Philip Hughes.

Did we shoot our juju moon too soon?

From 2008: The Roger Clemens songbook, "Mitchell, the Feds and Congress"

From 2008, the height of the testimony before Congress
(Sung to the tune of "Lawyers, Guns and Money" by Warren Zevon)

Dropped my pants down to my ankles,
McNamee gave me a shot;
How was I to know
It wasn't B-12 that I got?

I put my trust in my trainer
To help me deal with pain;
Tell Mitchell, the Feds and Congress
I thought it was lidocaine.

I'm an all-time great right-hander,
No corners did I cut;
But Congress wants to see pictures
Of an abscess on my butt
... an abscess on my butt
... yeah, an abscess on my butt

Now I'm hiding out in Houston,
Recorder hooked up to my phone.
Tell Mitchell, the Feds and Congress
Leave me the hell alone!

The Life of Brien

BrienTaylor, Chosen One,
Genius of the radar gun.
Lefty pitcher, future sweet.
Hundred mile-per-hour heat.
Brien Taylor, life is square.
Gonna be a millionaire.
.
Brien Taylor, seize the day!
Rising up to Double A.
Greatest prospect in the game
Future member, Hall of Fame.
Brien Taylor, has it all.
And bets it in a barroom brawl.
.
Brien Taylor, throws a punch,
Feels some pain and hears a crunch,
Feels a popping in his arm,
Staggers home and claims no harm.
Brien Taylor, after dawn,
Finds his magic shoulder gone.
.
Brien Taylor, down the drain,
Busted selling crack cocaine.
King of slammer, not of park.
Sold the wrong stuff to a narc.
Brien Taylor, never know,
Prospects come and prospects go.
.
Brien Taylor, life unfurled,
Somewhere in another world...
He's our savior, Yankee great!
Time for him is not so late.
Fate can sound a shrill alarm
Balanced on one human arm.
Brien Taylor, lost in jail.
Should have been a fairy tale.

John's Takeaway Points from Last Night's Loss, driven by Jeep

1.   It had to end someday. Everybody knew it. No streak lasts forever. Every team loses eventually. It was always going to happen. That’s baseball. You can't win them all.

2.   The Yankees are in position to take the series against Atlanta. That’s how you win pennants: By winning series. If you take, say, two out of three games from every team, you’ll win 110 games! So the Yankees are still on course to win the series – and that's crucial. Of course, you can't win every series. Nobody wins every series. Eventually, you'll lose one. It will happen.

3.   It’s all about pitching. Wednesday, we have Phil Hughes. It will be completely different from tonight, with Hiroki Kuroda. If Hughes can keep pitching well, we have a good chance.

4.   The Yankees have no kick coming about this loss. No kick at all! They had a lot of runners on base, and they couldn’t get them in. Let’s hope they’re not reverting back to that situation of early May, when nobody could hit with runners in scoring position.

5.   It was great to see David Robertson out there throwing hard. He really adds to this Yankee team.

6.   Good to have Nick Swisher back in the lineup. He doesn’t seem to have missed a step. Went two for three and hit a long fly that looked like it was gone. From the booth, both Suzyn and John thought it was out, a game-tier, but it died at the track.

7.   Hopefully, Brett Gardner is getting better. Suzyn will have all the details, plus the thoughts of manager Joe Girardi, on the Clubhouse Show.

Other statements the Justice Department should question for perjury

1. "Mr. Sterling, on what precise date did you visit the Hebrew Home at Riverdale?"

2. "Ms. Waldman, what exactly is a 'magilla?'"

3. "Mr. Teixeira, did you really plan to bunt more in 2012?"

4. "Mr. Swisher, are you sure you don't know the meaning of the word, 'Swishalicious?'"

5. "Mr. Cano, don't you know?"

6. "Something's happening here but you don't know what it is, do you, Mr. Jones?"

7. "Mr. Sterling, isn't it true that you occasionally DO make predictions on baseball?"

Dammit, how did we lose those four games?

Twenty-four straight,

That's where we would be,

If only the Yankees

Had listened to me.

Back against the Angels,

I told my TV,

"Dammit, take out Phil Hughes!

"He's just throwing BP!

But nobody listened,

We lost nine to eight.

If I ran this team,

We'd have twenty four straight.

Then that loss to Dan Haren,

I'd play a new card.

I would have walked Pujols

So he couldn't go yard.

When the bases were loaded,

No hits to be found.

I'd have played Jason Nix!

We'd have bunted around.

And the loss in Detroit

When Valverde collapsed,

We swung at his pitches,

At home, I just gasped.

"Dammit, stand there and walk!

"The guy can't throw a strike."

But nobody listened,

They'd shut off my mike.

Worst, that game against Tampa!

We had Price in a rout,

The damn bases were loaded

And then A-Rod struck out.

He drew out 10 pitches,

Fouled off at least four,

I screamed at the TV:

"Don't swing anymore!"

But he didn't listen,

He waved at strike three,

It would be ball four,

If he listened to me.

Twenty-four straight,

An impossible dream?

Not if my TV

Went straight to the team.

We'd go undefeated,

I'd not feel such a grouch,

If I just ran the Yanks

From my living room couch.

Post-Juju Intervention Record Now Stands at 20-4

Rivalometer

"We've always bounced back!" 

Sox clubhouse "toxic" 

Yankeetorial: Considering how well the marginals are playing, we should keep the Triple A team homeless every year

Quick: Who are the stars of the 9-game streak?

Nope, sir... not A-Rod or Jeet. Not CC or Robbie.

Try Hughes and Nova, Rapada and Eppley. Think Dewayne Wise. And what do they all have in common?

They've been on the cusp of being demoted to baseball's biggest hellhole, the Scranton-Wilkes Barre Yankees -- the Traveling Wilkes Barres - who haven't set a footprint into the mudflats of Moosic all year.

Their home is a bus that putters along the New York State Thruway, the most hopeless and uninspiring stretch of concrete this side of the Attica wall. They pee in Thruway rest stops and dine on the Sbarro foodlike products that make airports so full of sweaty passengers. They sleep in cloverleaf exit Ramadas, or Best Westerns, where the continental breakfast buffets give us all cause to never leave home.

Living hell. That's what they know. Living. Hell.  

Did you notice how Frankie Cervelli took two months to get over his demotion? Or that Eduardo Nunez promptly jammed a tootie and still hasn't returned? Remember infielder Bill Hall, who we dropped in late March? He was willing to accept a minor league assignment. But not that one. He didn't want to be stuck between Batavia and a hard place.

So close to The Show... and so stuck in the snow.

This is good. This is how we want our marginals - knowing it's a lonnnng drop to the Montezuma Rest Stop near Weedsport. We want Clay Rapada and Dewayne Wise to know the difference between NYC and CNY.

Nine in a row. The stars have been the Wises and Rapadas, the Epplers and Stewarts - those who stand a stutter-step away from Thruway hell, the hungriest players in baseball. Maybe Scranton was too comfortable. Is there a stretch of highway more godforsaken than the Thomas E. Dewey? If so, let's find it. Next year... the North Dakota Yankees.

Time to answer your questions on Juju

Dear el Duque, Most Supreme Juju/Oscar Mayer Lunchables Oracle,

Now and then, my team absolutely needs a base hit. I have tried many moves in the clutch, but nothing works. What should I do?

Can’t Buy a Hit
Atlanta

Dear Can’t Buy,

Timely juju is a huge problem for many young enthusiasts, who put up big numbers each season but cannot win the ring.

Frankly, you’re choking.

You’re letting the crowd on TV get to you. At times, you need to be “jujuing unconscious” out there. There’s no secret here. There’s no incantation. Simply stay focused.

You could be overthinking. Try chewing gum. Are you getting loose before each game? You can’t just come into a situation cold. You’ll tear a hammy. Clear your mind of unnecessary debris, such as work, family and personal relationships. Concentrate on the game. The hits will come.

el Duque

 ...

Dear El Duque,

I have never seen the Yankees win a game. Really. Every time I watch, they lose. Every time. I don’t know what to do, but I have been following the team for 20 years, without ever seeing a victory. Is there hope?

Hopeful
Schenectady

Dear Hopeful,

Pluck out your eyes.

el Duque   

While some credit superstitious "juju," the Yankees are 11-1 since the development of Rivalometer Science

UPDATE: 12-1!

Nats GM: Jeter's "the ultimate!"  

$173m buys few All-Stars 

A question from the throng at the Millbrook Book Festival yesterday caught me by surprise...

As I stood at the famous Millbrook multi-media podium, gazing out into a sea of 10,000 rapturous faces, one tall hand rose above the tide – the wailing criers, the emotionally overwhelmed and the young women who had disrobed and were fervently waving their bras to catch my attention – it was a stranger with a piercingly intelligent question:

“Considering the Yankees 17-4 record since the International Juju Intervention, what do you plan to do later in the season if the team encounters trouble?”

It was The WinWarblist, an IT IS HIGH commenter of infinite wit and insight. It was the first time I have ever met an IT IS HIGH commentator in the field, whom I didn’t already know. So caught off-guard by his appearance, I offered a Rick Perry-worthy response.

So, delayed… here is what I should have said:

On May 24, the Yankiverse dropped a juju Rizzutoanic bomb on Major League Baseball. We must let the dust settle. The players and teams still doesn’t know what hit them. Some even think they did it.

Nevertheless, the juju surge cannot last forever. We certainly don’t want to drain the Yankee juju well in the infancy of May-June. Some would opt for saving the entire juju well for October. These people are fools. We will surely need it for the tough trench of August – there is always a tough trench in August.

I say we should employ juju in the way that Girardi manages his bullpen: Use various juju strategies now and then to keep them fresh. We don’t want to upcap our vast juju reserves in October only to find they turned to vinegar in the barrel.

But we must not overuse it. I worry that we mixed too potent a juju intervention. (I was hoping for six out of 10 wins; nobody anticipated this.) Next time, instead of a mass Charging of the Mound – the most powerful juju intervention known – we might try a modified mass Lookaway. (below)

And it was great to see and meet the WinWarblist, whose complaints later about Teixiera surely were a factor in Tex getting the big hit three hours later. 

Now, if only I can find that guy Anonymous, who writes in Arabic…

10 things we could expect if the Yankees moved to the National League

1. Multiple chances to check up on A.J. Burnett.

2. Sabathia hits 30 home runs.

3. Renewed opportunities to sweep new arch-nemesis Washington Nats.

4. Almost never have to think about Jesus Montero trade.

5. Clinch pennants by All-Star break.

6. Win games by hitting singles.

7. Andy Pettitte pitching until age 50.

8. Watch Redsock fans bemoan "Curse of the Showalter."

9. Increased chances for Bryce Harper to get comfortable in Yankee Stadium.

10. First-ever 150-win season.

Eighteen and four since Juju Intervention

Letter to the Editor: "This is not New York, so stop always talking about the Yankees."

The Lexington Herald Leader (Kentucky)
June 12, 2012 Tuesday

Dear Editor

How long must this go on? For the past 10 years, The Sports Huddle has been on the air, starting with Alan Cutler, then Drew Deener and now Mike Cameron and Matthew Laurance.

But the real problem is Chris Cross. For starters, he's getting too old. His topics are nowhere near what sports is today. He's boring, a homer and he doesn't take criticism well.

I used to be a loyal listener, but Cross thinks his show is the second coming of Mike and Mike . This is not New York, so stop always talking about the Yankees. And we don't want to hear about the days with the Bulls. Besides, who cares that you had a post-game show 20 years ago.

What Lexington needs is a fresh sound, a fresh outlook, a fresh face. What gets me is when the NFL Draft was going on, WLXG-1300 AM wasn't covering it. Why? The Legends were on. I love baseball, but I feel the draft should have been broadcast.

Lexington sports radio from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m. is boring, boring, boring. I think Cameron is very good, insightful and willing to listen to fans and not berate them.

If you take away the prizes, would people still listen or call in? Cross, retire. Bring in someone that knows what they're talking about. Lexington did have a sports voice here, and that was Dave Shore. Too bad he couldn't come back.

Dennis Murphy

Berea

Yanks 10-1 Since Invention of Rivalometer

D-Rob "excited!" 

Beckett scratched! 

Letter to the Editor: I don't hate the Yankees.

The Boston Herald

June 11, 2012 Monday

Dear Editor,

 

In response to Steve Bulpett's column ('Easy cheering Green,' June 7), as a Celtics fan dating to the Cousy/Russell era, I do not hate the Heat. The Heat are made up of fine athletes who perform well on the court, just as the Celtics do. I respect them as professionals. And I don't hate the Yankees. Or the Canadiens. Or the Giants. I don't hate Eli or Peyton or A-Rod. And I didn't hate Jean Beliveau.

Just being a faithful fan doesn't require hating anybody. In California two people assaulted a man to the point of physical and mental disability because of misplaced hatred. So knock off the childishness.

Tom Scott
Norfolk

Since the International Juju Intervention, the Yankees are the hottest team in baseball, winners of seven in a row, 9 out of 10, and 17 of 21.

And yet Joe Girardi thinks he has done it.

"Obviously, I can’t do this without the coaches and the players and the front office,” said Girardi, who has won 421 games with the Yankees. “They give me an opportunity to do this. They play hard and they are the ones who win the games.”

That's OK. Fans are always overlooked in the MVP balloting. We expect anonyminity. Some of us even go by that name. We prefer to sit in the wings, cheering the stars' big solo moments.

But it all started with the Juju Intervention.

Once more: Cashman Hears a Hughes

“No, I won’t,” hollered Cashman. “I won’t! I will not!

“We must stick with the youngsters, they’re all that we’ve got!
“Whatever we trade them for, it’s just too little,
“’Cause a prospect’s a prospect, no matter how brittle!”
And the Boss in the corner cried, “LET’S GET FLOYD LITTLE!”

Waiting for Gardo

RAUL: What was that? I think I saw his presence. I think I saw his face. Is it him? It must be him.

ANDRUW: You saw a shadow in the lights, nothing more.

RAUL: But it came from the direction of Trenton. It was him, and he was near. He is coming. Of that, I am certain.

ANDRUW: Certainty? What is certainty? Is a first-round pick certain? Is a warm breeze certain? Nothing is certain, aside from Dewayne Wise.

RAUL: My legs grow tired of standing here. We are out in left field. We are old. Surely, he is coming to relieve us, right?

ANDRUW: They said he was coming. But I do not know.

RAUL: Wait! What was that? It was the sound of a bus, a big bus moving along the New York State Thruway. Could it be the bus that is bringing him?

ANDRUW: It is just a bus, like any bus. And he is said to still be from the place where no one goes, the place called Scranton. 

RAUL: So what should we do? I cannot stand here forever. We were designated as a hitters. We cannot climb fences. We cannot dive for shoestrings. What should we do?

ANDRUW: Pound your glove. We must wait. He must be coming.

RAUL: (Pounding his glove.) Yes, surely, he is coming. If we are patient, he will come.

Gardy will be back when Greece is debt -free

Another set back. Another few weeks. No ligament damage. But after he throws the ball twenty feet, his elbow barks. Maybe there is a dog in his elbow. Guess who we will trade for come the annual deadline of horror? It is no longer about who we we get. It is only about who we give away. We will deal Banuelos and Murphy or Gomez for a slow And old left-fielder. Or a failed player. Watch and fear.

Ralph Nader to the Yankees: "Have you no mercy on your play-calling broadcasters?"

Ralph Nader — the once-relevant consumer fighter whose ego and useful-idiocy gave the world President George W. Bush — is targeting the Yankees’ relentless conveyor belt of in-game radio commericials.

In a letter to Randy Levine and Brian Cashman, Nader lists 22 ads that "disrupt the flow and excitement of the game broadcast and undermine your responsibilities as a guardian of the national pastime," according to the NY Times.

Of course, he is right. Every Yankee fan knows this. But to say the ads "disrupt" Yankee broadcasts is like saying the Atlantic Ocean is moist. The non-stop  ads are so disgracefully greedy — so over-the-top pure evil, (driven by Jeep) — that we can only ridicule them.

Whenever a Yankee is safe at second, you have a 30-second window to ponder the fall of civilization, while John reads his New York Life copy.

What’s amazing here is the team's tone deaf response: "It is always a surprise who tries to grab some publicity around a Subway Series."

Gee. Criticize the Yankees, and they personally attack you? They must not feel safe and secure. 

Listen: Nader is a punch line. He pooped his pants in 2000, and nobody will or should ever forgive him. When he talks about running for president, it's like Lindsay Lohan vowing sobriety. The way his eyes wander and shine, he looks just a few bath crystals shy of a UFO cult. (Still, dammit, it’s nice to know he’s a Yankee fan.) But he's right. I wish more celebrity Yankee fans would raise hell about this. Where are you, Bill O'Reilly and Keith Olbermann? This is the issue that could unite us all. 

The ads are beyond tiresome. They are insulting. The pitching matchup (Chock Full o’ Nuts), the pitch count, (5-hour Energy), the rally moment of the game (Rally BMW), the game-time temperature (Peerless Boilers), the National Anthem (Mutual of America Life Insurance), the call to the bullpen (Honda), the 15th out (Geico). They would hawk urine if they could.

"Have you no boundaries or sense of restraint?" Nader’s letter says. "Have you no mercy on your play-calling broadcasters?"

By the way, that last question came in at 90 miles per hour. If you want high-speed Internet, Time-Warner Cable...

Nader claims he grew up in Connecticut listening to Mel Allen "when the commercials were reserved for the commercial breaks-between half-innings." That’s a pink-glass memory. Yankee home runs were "Ballantine Blasts." Still, there is nothing like this crap:

"Tonight’s umpire alignment sponsored by Levy, Phillips and Konigsberg, a leader in asbestos litigation. If you or a loved one suffers from lung cancer or mesothelioma, call 1-800-MESOLAW or visit lpk.com."

Rivalometer

JOE: "They feel good about themselves!"  

THEO: "I blame myself!"