From 2008: The Roger Clemens songbook, "Mitchell, the Feds and Congress"

From 2008, the height of the testimony before Congress
(Sung to the tune of "Lawyers, Guns and Money" by Warren Zevon)

Dropped my pants down to my ankles,
McNamee gave me a shot;
How was I to know
It wasn't B-12 that I got?

I put my trust in my trainer
To help me deal with pain;
Tell Mitchell, the Feds and Congress
I thought it was lidocaine.

I'm an all-time great right-hander,
No corners did I cut;
But Congress wants to see pictures
Of an abscess on my butt
... an abscess on my butt
... yeah, an abscess on my butt

Now I'm hiding out in Houston,
Recorder hooked up to my phone.
Tell Mitchell, the Feds and Congress
Leave me the hell alone!

Right This Minute in Yankeestory

Jose Canseco has joined legions of Americans who are losing their houses because of the current economic climate. Not the country's -- his.

Chin up, JC -- have you heard about the swell tax rebate?

Mysterious "Max" revealed - and he says Canseco's a liar

According to Sports Illustrated, trainer Joseph Dion has come forward and claims to be "Max," the mysterious trainer/steroids dealer that Canseco (in his upcoming book) claims to have introduced A-Rod to.

One problem. Dion says Canseco's full of shit and a liar.

From an ESPN.com report: "That's really, really funny because I am the one person that hates steroids," Dion was quoted as saying. "I'm against it 100 percent. And, A-Rod, at the time that I trained him -- and this I swear to God -- was 100 percent against steroids. He was one of the hardest working guys, and most natural guy, that I've met in my life. He hated steroids. We talked about it."

Yeah, I know. Canseco's a liar? What a shocker.

And, clean or not, A-Rod still can't drive in a run in a clutch situation.

Two-Gun Kid #49, August 1959, Inside Front Cover

Click to enlarge.

William S. Burroughs, Baseball Writer

An essay in William S. Burroughs' book The Adding Machine explains what 19th century drifters, thieves and addicts meant when they spoke of The Johnson Family:

In this world of shabby rooming houses, furtive gray figures in dark suits, hop joints and chili parlours the Johnson Family took shape as a code of conduct. To say someone is a Johnson means he keeps his word and honors his obligations. He's a good man to do business with and a good man to have on your team. He is not a malicious, snooping, interfering self-righteous trouble making person.

(Burroughs had a name for "malicious, snooping, interfering self-righteous trouble making person[s]." He called them Shits.)

Yes you get to know a Johnson when you see one. The cop who gave me a joint to smoke in the wagon. The hotel clerk who tipped me off I was hot. And sometimes you don't see the Johnson. I remember a friend of mine asked someone to send him a hash cake from France. Well the asshole put it in a cheap envelope with no wrapping and it cut through the envelope. But some Johnson had put it back in and sealed the envelope with tape.

Former Yankee trainer Brian McNamee is no Johnson [New York Times].

IS JOE JUICING?

* TOP: Torre on Sept. 3. BOTTOM: Torre in 2005.
* Radical change in body type calls records into question.
* Did Joe Torre cheat to pass Casey and Leo?
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