outfielder Brennan Boesch had entered the MLB free agent market. Immediately, the Yankiverse began rubbing its hands together with anticipation, and - yes - in case you are wondering, I am attempting to speak bitter, unvarnished mega-truth through the endangered, 1990s art form known as sarcasm.
From insider indications today, the big-spending Yankees plan to go the distance in this Boesch bidding war, not to be phased by the fresh-squeezed price tag of the slugging ex-Detroiter, who hit .315 last year. No, wait, my mistake: That was his on-base percentage, slightly lower than Ichiroville. Boesch actually batted .240, which puts him about eight points above Grandytown. And his strikeouts could make us forget that Grandy is even gone. (Oops, sorry, I'm losing my sarcasm.)
Yes, the team is considering spending $1.9 million to bring Boesch to Gotham, possibly paring him with scrap heap gold Ben Francisco, making left field the Yankee Pasture of Millionaires.
It's a good thing we held back on all those high-priced free agents last winter - the Toriis and the Joshes - cutting costs, knowing that stars like Boesch could be had for a pittance. "Dimes on the dollar!" Our new Yankee slogan! Who's next? Every day brings a new future Yankee star. (Whew, I got back my sarcasm mojo.)