Friday, August 29, 2014

A fan-based, "Hail Mary!" juju strategy that could still save the Yankee season

If we sweep Toronto this weekend, I offer one last plan - one final, magical strategy from the juju playbook of hope.

I propose that Yankee fans everywhere buy horse-head masks - or animal pull-over heads - and wear them to Tuesday's home game against Boston. Thus, when the Redsocks take the field, they will gaze out upon bleachers full of Hannibal Lecter psycho killers. It will look like a scene from The Wicker Man.

Imagine the intimidation factor of playing in front of such a clearly disturbed, blood-crazed mob. The fans won't need to cheer. They can sit silently and scrape their fingernails against the seats, growling like Hollywood C.H.U.D. cannibals. Let's see Dustin Pedroia dig in at the plate with a crowd of braying horse nostrils staring at him.

As the Yankees win game after game, more fans will get the message, until the bleachers turn into a sea of nightmares, rousing subconscious terrors within our opponents, and causing their confidence to collapse.

No pitcher can throw strikes, no batter can hit home runs, in a horse-headed arena of horror.

But first, we have to sweep Toronto...

1 comment:

John M said...

Didn't I see a CSI some years back about a subculture of kinksters who wear animal heads and full costumes to have sex?

Couldn't we all just wear rubber Nixon masks?