Tuesday, August 19, 2014

New Jersey dot com says the Yankees have passed on the Cuban Brett Gardner with power

I hope they are wrong. But if they're right - well - the Gate-Keeper just slept with Zuul, and New York City is about to meet the Marshmallow Man. This is what happens when a team is so larded, so addicted to overpriced veterans, and with trying to win tomorrow's game, that it cannot make a long-term strategy. This is how franchises suck for 10 years.

Supposedly, Hal Steinbrenner is flinching at the prospect of paying a no-name Cuban player up to $10 million a year. Of course, he flinched with Puig, Cespedes, Chapman, et al - prefered Ronnier Mustellier and Adonis Garcia, who were purchased from the Cuban Dollar Store. They are currently the Little Cuba of Scranton.

Well, for the next two years, Hal will pay Martin Prado $11 million per season. Yes, that's Prado, with his 6 HRs and the .265 batting average - and he might be holding down right field! And frankly, he's peanuts compared to what Shell-Out Hal will pay for the aging likes of Brian McCann, Carlos Beltran, CC Sabathia, A-Rod, et al. What a gristly collection of bad long-term decisions.

If this Cuban guy does turn out to be Brett Gardner with power - as one scout famously described him - and the Yankees couldn't outbid Boston - well - I shudder to think about the things I will write next season.

Frankly, I will need a new dictionary. I will need to learn a new language, because English doesn't offer enough excretory adjectives to describe the pungency of the aromas that will be rising from Yankee Stadium. I will have to use emoticons and hundreds of extra exclamation points. I will write in capital letters, large fonts and boldface. I may end up in jail for the things I say, for the furies that I call upon, to avenge my wounded soul. Damm... just thinking about it, I need to soak my head in a bucket of ice water.

The Yankees will have paid about $20 million to free agents to extend by a month their thin strand of a chance for the 2014 Wild Card! Then THEY START POOR-MOUTHING?

If Jersey is right, a hell storm is about to form over New York City. The Gate-Keeper just diddled Zuul. Who are we gonna call? Martin Prado?


John M said...

Can't we get rid of some of the albatrosses via human sacrifice? Or just cut them loose and eat the money? God knows throwing money away is what our front office does best.

KD said...

Money probably isn't the problem. He's likely under 30.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

URGGGG! I smell a double agent in the front office, this is malicious, not incompetence, LOL!

joe de pastry said...

Sigourney Weaver, I am forever yours.

el duque said...

She is Brett Gardner with legs.