As everyone knows, horse head masks - made by the company known for the Yodeling Pickle - serve as powerful male sexual enhancements, famous for turning women's loins into apple butter. There's something about staring into the dead doorknob eyes of Mr. Ed that makes a lady yearn to be saddled up and ridden around the back forty. (Mine is somewhere in the basement, unused since the night long ago when Rudy Giuliani dressed in drag, hosting Saturday Night Live; that horror vision still haunts.)
Mesmerized, Kelly donned the juju-laced head piece and walked around the Yankee clubhouse. The rest is history.
Five and oh, baby, five and oh.
Folks, this is old-time, John McGraw, Phil Linz-harmonica-in-the-bus-level, 140-proof juju. We may yet have a chance at this season.
One of the problems faced by current Yankee teams is the ownership's insane ban on facial hair. This prevents the Yankees from growing playoff beards, one of the great late-season traditions in the methods of ignorance. Nobody shaves for the playoffs. It's just not done. And to deny the Yankees a shot at magical thinking, it's almost cruel.
Now, we have Shawn Seabuscuit Kelly.
Five and oh, baby. Five and oh. And we are heading into the home stretch.