Monday, August 3, 2015

Derek Who? This is the dawning of the Age of Gregorius, the Age of Gregorious... Gregorious! GREGORIUS!

Ellsbury and understanding, Gardner and Tex abounding,
No more A-Rod juice derisions, Headley living dreams of visions,
Mystic Cashman revelation, and the mind's Drew liberation...
Gregorius... GREGORIUS!

Ok. That's out of the way... Wait! No! An aside! In the late eighties, my wife and I went on a cruise ship - (didn't get Legionaires disease or taken hostage, so no news) - the Fifth Dimension performed, and they were so fat that they did the whole damn show sitting in wide-body chairs. No way they could go up up and away in a balloon. It's a wonder the boat floated. They should have called themselves The Fifth Hypertension...

Ahh, first place! This is how life is, six games in first: The moment feels right, and you feel a song coming on and... There's NO people like SHOW people there's NO people I KNOWWWWWWWWW...

Where was I? Didi Gregorius! Mariekson Julius Gregorius. Born in the party capital of the world: Amsterdam, Netherlands. Wait... was I on some Ibogaine delirium, or do I vaguely recall screaming about the Yankees trading Shane Greene for some Little Leaguer who throws to the wrong base? Must'a been someone else. Wasn't this blog. Here, we practice Zenlike moderation...  I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHINE... OOH-OHH... I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHINNNNNE... OHH-HOO... AND DON'T IT FEEL GOOD!

Didi Effing Walking on Sunshine/Man of La Mancha Gregorius! He's only 25. Can you believe that? He was born in 1980. 1990! A Reagan Bush baby! And he'll become a free agent in 2020, the year of Hugh Downs. Over the last two weeks, he's hitting .419. Four nineteen. Against RH pitchers, he's hitting .279. In the second half of the season (small sample size) he's hitting .370.

Thus far, every month as a Yankee, his batting average has dramatically improved. April - .206. May - .232. June - .258. July - .317. August - .429. At that progression, in September, he'll hit .503, and in October, .689!

Listen: Shivers crept up the Yankiverse's spine when Toronto traded away its best primal wad to extract Troy Tulowitzki from the party capital of North America: Colorweedo. The Blue Jays added firepower to a lineup already meatier than a Hormell assembly line. But right now, I wouldn't take Tulo over Didi if it meant signing on for a herpes cruise across a sea of flaming feces.

Because one question today is stitched into every Yankee fan's overworked liver: How good can he be? Did we just replace Derek Jeter - snap the fingers - like THAT? Is this the dawning of the Age of Gregorius? If so, IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS...

8 comments:

Tom said...

I think you meant to say he was born in 1990, which makes him a Bush baby. No biggie.

el duque said...

You're absolutely right. I was singing too loudly while typing. I've corrected it, thanx.

Anonymous said...

Gregor the Great at bat reminds me of Mickey Rivers. Just kinda slapping the ball all over the place. What an improvement from April.

Anonymous said...

It's true. more of us are liking Gregorious.

ceeja said...

The Age of Gregorius. Pretty good. Better home run call than the current one. If Sterling starts singing "This is the Dawning of the Age of Gregorius" on his next homer, you'll know he's either a reader or a weak mind susceptible to a Jedi mind trick.

KD said...

Ceeja, they all read this blog. where did they get the idea to donate Al's "milestone" bonus to charity? HERE! They got it from duque! duque is responsible to getting millions out of Hal for charity. Can there be any doubt?

ceeja said...

Well Cashman may have been listening to Alphonso when he decided not to trade away the farm for a better chance at the second wildcard slot. Not that Alphonso is going to forgive him any time soon for past errors.

John M said...

Jesus Christ, the guy is called Didi. That's just freakin' embarassing.

Can't we just start calling him Mariekson?

OK, how about Mari? If it was good enough for the mother of our Lord (or Lard, as they say down South), it's good enough for our shortstop.

Or Mariek? Mariek the Freak? How about just Freak? Freaky Gregorius...kind of Kekich/Peterson-y...

What about changing the spelling at least? Dee Dee Ramone got away with it.

We have to do something. 15 years of a guy called Didi is going to be cringeworthy.