Monday, August 10, 2015

Funny how those 21-run Yankee blowouts work, eh? The veteran adds 14 points to his batting average, padding his numbers for posterity, smacking that critical 3-run-HR in the eighth to make it a 17-run lead! Then, when an actual game situation matters, here he comes, with his newly inflated OBP or BABIP or, whatever, and he's the same human pop-up that he always was.


Imagine the Yankees as a 90-year-old, blue-haired, spinster debutante, sitting in the Hamptons with her Jagameister, Kindle porn, and string of pearls the size of Floyd Mayweather's testicles. That's what they'd be saying today, following last week's Yankee dizzy spell. It's not fair! No one should have to put up with such tomfoolery... Two knuckleballers in a week? The idea! Cheeves, download another Rex Tripod story.

Ah, it's great when your chosen team serves up the ready-made excuse straight from the bag, like a month-old grocery salad. Two knuckleballers in a week! Why, it's inhuman! It's wrong! It throws off the hitter's delicate timing, which leaves him susceptible to a hard-thrower, and that's why you see one stinking run in 28 innings - (which was a disputed HR that, frankly, I wish had not gone our way, because it merely lengthened the time I spent watching us crap the lounge chair) - as we sidle from a division race to our annual chasing of the coveted one-game, away field Wild Card. From there, it's all about settling into another open October.

Ah, but it's not their fault. Two knuckleballers in a week! It's not right. Why don't the other teams play fair?



Anonymous said...

The top headline is misspelled and reads:

The Sayonara Kid said...

Why, oh fearless leader, do you continue to mock the JuJu gods! First by inexplicably finding comfort in a 6 game lead . . . and now by misspelling their moniker in a bid for their intervention. Please, come to your senses. At this rate of decline, we're liable to find that those wonderful pictures of the youthful master were forgeries!

KD said...

I am with you, duque. I'll even start tonight. powerful and unconventional juju is in order.

Honey Barnes said...

I hear Scranton is nice this time of year.

el duque said...

I'm thinking the Yankees can send down Tex and A-Rod and help Scranton win the International League Governor's Cup.