Monday, July 17, 2017

A nothing burger

There's a terrifying scene in Blair Witch Project, where the campers encounter a familiar downed tree over a creek - same one they saw yesterday - to realize they've been wandering in circles, going nowhere, so they cry hysterically, hoping to win an Oscar nomination. Last night, that was me. A lost weekend of wandering - 16 hours, 43 innings, 20 pitchers, a million swings-and-misses... and here we are, back at the downed tree, three and a half behind Boston and Tampa on our heels. 

For every ray of hope, there came a pineapple pillow. Betances looks good; Chapman looks bad. Torreyes makes a great play; Torreyes boots one. Judge strikes out; Judge hits an incredibly clutch HR in any other ballpark, with any other CF. Headley gets a hit; Headley fans with the game on the line. And here we are, a million brain cells later, chewing on tree bark and howling at the moon, back where we started, at the All-Star break. 

If El Chapo did his job Friday night, we'd have taken a pivotal series in Boston, jabbed a shiv of truth into the Redsockian belly, and today, we'd be flying to Minnesota without need of a plane. If Judge's ball lands three feet to the right, Bradley cannot touch it. And so what, you wonder, we still lose 3-2. But but but... in the eighth on Saturday, if Judge doesn't take their weirdo closer, Craig Kimbrel, to a nine-pitch at bat, Kimbrel might not have labored so hard and, who knows, maybe not surrendered the game-tying homer to Holliday? It's pointless to think "What if?" There is only "What is..." and today, that is up for debate. I'm all for screaming into the wilderness, looking for an Oscar nomination.

From now, the fate of the 2017 season - and the next five years - falls upon the instincts and algorithms of Brian Cashman, and that's a movie we've all seen many times. Last night, as if tired of this current Yankee lineup, the YES machine flashed graphics of potential trade targets, such as Oakland's Sonny Gray and Yonder Alonzo. I was cringing at the prospect packages we'd give up. This isn't about punting on Rob Refsnyder. Hell, we punted on Brigadoon three years ago. (By the way, Ref homered last night for Scranton - perhaps the most meaningless tidbit of information on this site since Alphonso posted estimated beautistics of the Irritable Bowel Movement lady on TV.) This is about punting on Clint Frazier or Tyler Wade, or both, because some nameless "scout" in the Yankees' organizational meat loaf just wrote a scathing memo, identifying some flaw from their stool samples. I have no idea what's coming, but it's well worth breaking down hysterically and screaming into the wilderness. 

Yesterday at Scranton, 22-year-old 3B Miguel Andujar went 2-4 with a RBI. He's hitting .299 at Triple A. When the Yankees brought him up last month, he went 3-4 with four RBIs - and was sent back down the very next day. Okay, I get it - the kid needs to play and not sit the bench. Still... it will soon be time to ditch Headley once and for, and play the future. Why are we bothering to accept mediocrity?

Last night, Jacoby Ellsbury went 1-4, bringing his average to .262. Let's not get Shakespearean on the woes of Ellsbury - we've said everything a thousand times already. But as soon as Aaron Hicks returns, it's gotta be Ellsbury who goes - not Clint Frazier or any of the kids in Scranton or Trenton. I'm still insanely bitter about giving up Ben Gamel last fall, the 2016 International League player of the year, for table scraps - and then attribute it to the great job we've done building the farm system. Apparently, the unnamed "scouts" in the Yankee front office didn't see what Seattle did - surely because they were blinded by the glow of Ellsbury's Blair Witch contract. 

Last night, Garrett Jones - I MEAN GARRETT COOPER! - finally got his first major league base hit, a double to left. He needs 100 at bats (and he needs to field his position, because he looked shaky last night.) Could he and Choi platoon? I dunno. But how much more production will we realistically get from a high priced veteran? And what do we give up? Seems to me, if we traded for Jones - I MEAN COOPER! - we ought to give him a shot. Whether we will... that's another story.

I shudder to think of what's to come. But here we are, back at the downed tree. Excuse me, while my vocal coach and I practice primal screams. Chapmannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

As the great Number Eight, the irrepressible Yogi once said, "It's deja vu all over again" - - he also reminded us "it's getting late early these days" (or something substantially similar to that).

COULD we get anything substantial for El Chapo, or are we paying him just way too much money, for way too long?? If we keep him, and keep running him out there, is he going to turn into a full-blown head-case?? I say, dump him if we can, and eat some of his salary.

Point of contention, duque: NOTHING about the IBS Baby - - er, I mean Lady - - is inconsequential to SOME of us...everybody was talking about her over at the G20 - - bet you didn't know that...

Meanwhile, the "so-called" WH Admin. turns into the Amityville Horror (where the son ends up shooting everybody, as I recall)...

Thus, we NEED the Yankees to provide a welcome diversion - - this weekend was, indeed, rough; and, sorry, I AM going to go all Shakespearian over this: I say to thee, Head-case, and THEE, Ellsbummer, and especially THYSELVES, Cash-Puss and Joey Blue-Binders: "Out, Out, Damned Spot"(s).

Re: Jones (er, Coops): Let's just please give him a fair chance - - at least he's shown he is a reasonably genuine facsimile 1st-bagger - - I liked that slick double-play he pulled off, 3-unassisted, the other night. I just hope he will get his footing, and/or timing, and start to rake. Go, Yanks!! please...

It's a nightmare on Boylston Street, to get hosed by someone named Pookie, or Punky, or Muckie, or what-the-hell-ever. May it never happen again. LB (No J)

John M said...

Hey, I still say give Garrett a chance. Besides, he was hysterically funny when he did the news for the hard of hearing on SNL back in the day.

How come he looks so young and white now? Pretty amazing.

Two games in the loss column. That's all. And we have well and truly sucked for over a month. This is what parity means. Even the "great" teams are probably not so great. Is Houston so great, or does the unbalanced schedule just let them play those lame West Division teams a bazillion times? Is LA really that great, or ditto? I don't know about the NL West, but it doesn't look like a powerhouse haven.

The truth is, baseball is just like football now. You get hot at the right time and stay hot into the playoffs and you can win. That isn't good, because it encourages ding-dongs like Cashman to trade our future stars for today's soon-to-be-mediocre players. I continue to say, trade Chapman again, and maybe even Betances this time. Hell, he hates the Yankees already thanks to the front office. Play more kids. Let's see what we've really got.

What the hell. We only have to be a little better than mediocre to take the division. Look at Boston.

Anonymous said...

Hi, John,

Huh?? Garrett Morris?? How the bleep many names does he have?? Man, if it's him, he's put on some real pounds, and gotten a Mi-ka Jackson bleach-job.

Astute observations, all, including the NFL reference; my Packers were 4-6 last season - - then they RAN THE TABLE (Aaron Rodgers forever!!). Their weaknesses really showed them up in the NFC title game, though.

But, yeah - - please, Cash-Puss - - do NOT trade away our future for some oat-munching, superannuated worm-burner!! LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

Garrett Whomever looks like a mongoloid baby.

Anonymous said...

I don't care WHAT or WHO he looks like, if he can play first base like Teix could - - and hit like Teix USED TO before the shift. LB (No J)

Anonymous said...

LETS LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.....
WE BASICALLY JUST BEAT BOSTON 3 OUT OF 4....
WE CAN BEAT THEM.....
THEIR LINEUP HAS NO TEETH WITHOUT THE STEROID ADDICT.

Nickname Damur said...

Big Papi IS the IBS Lady