Saturday, October 6, 2018

The Yankiverse was poised for an incredible symmetry - Brett Gardner's resurrection - and then nothing happened

Nothing stings like pissing away a potential back-breaking victory. You held your opponents balls in the palms of your hands, and they slithered away. And make no mistake: Last night's loss may haunt us to the end of time. I'm still in a daze of anger and frustration. How many times did a Yankee batter take several close pitches, grind out the count to 3-2, and then swing at ball four, well out of the zone? On full counts, it was as if we were predestined to swing, regardless of location. We fought and fought... and then folded like sticks of Juicyfruit.

In 263 career starts, only three times has JA Happ been knocked out more quickly. How does a veteran like Happ summon up such a clunker for perhaps the most career-defining game of his life? And four strikeouts by Giancarlo Stanton, whose solemn face is wearing thin. He is threatening to become the new A-Rod of October, the star famous for failing when it matters.

But but BUT... we didn't need to sweep them in Fenway. We simply need to win tonight. Chris Sale threw a ton of pitches - we'll hit him, if we get another chance - and nobody from the bullpen shut us down. They even used Porcello, a sign of fear. I am still deathly afraid of Stephen Wright - the pitcher, not the comic - whose knuckleball could be the death of us. I believe they are waiting for the right moment, their finger on the trigger, to detonate the knuckler. 

Tonight, we will learn the extent of Aaron Hicks' tweaked gonad, because Boone would normally sit Brett Gardner against a lefty. And if Hicks is out for the post-season, it's a huge setback on every level... except for magic.

Let's face it: There is a grand scheme of symmetry, a painted masterpiece of redemptive juju, to having Gardy thrust into the spotlight. He's had a terrible year, and he's almost certainly gone from the Yankees this winter. It's not hard to see him bouncing around in late March, a free agent without a contract. Thirty-six-year-old outfielders coming off horrible seasons... there isn't much of a market. But there is tonight...  

In my fantasies, Gardy will lead us. He's the Yankee most likely to solve the knuckleball, the Yankee most likely to deliver a bunt single - (remember: it was Benintendi's bunt that killed us last night) - the Yankee most likely to make a diving catch that defies physics.  

But it didn't happen last night. Gardy went down swinging.

A final note: If anybody went to Foley's Sports Bar in Manhattan last night looking for Mustang and me, my apologies. The trade winds of alcohol blew us in another direction, and group decisions were made that revealed our true inabilities to lead. We watched the game in a fake Irish bar on 39th Street, howling into the vortex of comic book drinkers more interested in a Captain America movie on a competing screen. Sad.


KD said...

Tonight is a must win but no matter how this series goes, it is apparent that this redsock team is no super team of destiny. As for the Yanks, I truly hope they move Stanton this offseason. Imagining having to watch all those hopeless strikeouts and declining average over the next decade is just too depressing to contemplate. Hal, it is manly to admit a mistake and face the conquences. Remember please, it is only money.

Anonymous said...

Trade Stanton where he wants to really go - the Dodgers, and then sign Manny, Corbin and Bryce

13bit said...

Tonight, they either show up or they shut up.

They either walk away with massive hard-ons, giving the proverbial finger to the assembled Bostonion hordes or they get Red Sox tattoos on their foreheads, which will be hung in shame.

They either live up to the pinstripes on their backs or they take the Bolt bus back from Beantown, slowly chanting "who's your daddy?" the whole way while fingering worry beads and eating Pringles straight from the can in their mouths.

They either learn to craft a quality at-bat or they put their training bras back on.

They either show some focus or go lay down and die in the locker room, that infamous, rat-infested Fenway visiting team locker room.

Yes, Duque, "all we have to do is win tonight." This is the 2018 Yankees, though, so we don't know who will show up. It'll be either Jeckyll or Hyde.

Time to go repeat the word that I vowed I would not utter again here, but which sort of rhymes with "factotum."


TheWinWarblist said...


Local Bargain Jerk said...

They either learn to craft a quality at-bat or they put their training bras back on.

Another excellent candidate for the saying in the IIH masthead!

TheWinWarblist said...

Ma Boone's stupid face??

Anonymous said...







Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

Last night we scared the BLEEP out of the Red Sox and their altar-boy-raping fans.

Tonight -- we kick the BLEEPING BLEEP out of the Red Sox and their dog-abusing fans.

You hoid it hear foist!

Local Bargain Jerk said...

News Flash: Steven Wright may be out.

John M said...

Hope they activate Heath Hembree. Even the name is a riot.

Last night was depressing. Stanton was terrible. Can't we sit him? At this point, Neil Walker is looking good.

I knew getting him was a bad idea.

TheWinWarblist said...

Neil Walker never looks good.

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

But Walker seems to walk a lot. Could be worse.

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

Hey: you remember that mid-summer International Juju that actually worked? In spades? It was focused like a laser beam on Gardy. Maybe we need to try it again tonight... on Gardy.

I mean, the guy has more heart than the rest of this soulless bunch of zombie bats combined. And although it's noticeably faded lately (along with his average and RBIs), he had the best sense of humor, dumping vats of Gatorade on walk-off winners, and just being beaming the biggest, most mischievous grin.

And if this is to be his last time in pinstripes, I think the guy deserves the best send-off we can muster. He's earned it every bit as much as Mariano and Jeter and Tex (minus all the garage-clogging farewell gifts).

So I'm stayin' up - and am hoping that my fellow non-Yankee Yankee fans are up and about, too (geez, there gotta be at least some Canadians watching, and Mexicans... and DEFINITELY Japanese!). So let's call for a Major International Gardy Juju which will spill over the rim and wake up the rest of the team.

Duque - King of Juju: consult that gypsy with the storefront spewing incense onto 165th Street and come up with the best time window.

TheWinWarblist said...

It's October. Maximum JuJu everyday through the Fall and into Winter.