Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Rangers have united with Rupert Murdoch

If you were wondering about the next Great Evil to threaten humanity, look no further than Arlington, Texas.

The Rangers -- overdogs in the World Series, former tinker toys for George W. Bush, current photo op for Rick Perry and symbolic icons of the newly revived gas and oil industry that wants to own every politician and hydrofrack every inch of America -- have partnered with that saintly, kind gentleman... Rupert Murdoch. Yes, Old Scratch himself.

The team has signed a TV network contract with Fox Sports Southeast, which means massive exposure and yachtloads of money -- we're talking the kind of money paid to lawyers to escape phone hacker criminality, the kind of money that builds entire industries around the question of whether the President's birth certificate is legal -- which means easily buying Prince Fielder or Albert Pujols, while also bidding up CC Sabathia -- salaries that will obliterate the lowly AL West (Seattle? Oakland?) -- and put Texas on par with the Yankees.

This is like a comic book: No sooner do we finally defeat the Green Goblin (the Redsocks), but here comes the Doctor Octopus.

Don't be surprised if Sarah Palin and Greta van Sesteren turn out to root for the Rangers - the Bush Rangers - in the series. Satan has arrived. Murdoch has chosen his baseball team. We can't complain about another team spending money. But the Yankees better be prepared. This is no time to suddenly get cheap, just so Hank has cigarette money, and it is no time to make a horror trade.

1 comment:

Alibi Ike said...

He smiles like Emperor Palpatine after a few Pangalactic Gargleblasters.