Monday, August 17, 2015

Hey Alphonso, put on your nookie-catcher aftershave: Jessica Steinbrenner is on the market

There's a new opening atop the Yankee food chain for a hustling, good-looking career survivalist.

Jessica Steinbrenner and Felix Lopez - whose marriage the NY Post cuttingly says had "elevated him from the dirt to Bomber royalty" - are calling it quits.

A few bloggers and NY insiders had taken to calling Lopez "Felix the Gardener," which sounds suspiciously like a crass reference to his ethnicity. (Certainly, that can't happen in NYC, right?) More interesting is the bizarre notion advanced this winter that Lopez was the reason why Cuban star Yoan Moncada signed with Boston. It's never been explained how Lopez could have ruined our chances - was it the whoopie cushion he used under Moncada's mom? - but the guy certainly made enemies in and around the Yankee brain trust. Long ago, they slapped a sign on his back that said "Gold-digger." And now, he's done and gotten himself gone from the masthead.

Donno what happened. Don't care. But my spider sense tingles whenever an organization conveniently loads up all its mistakes - (and not shelling out for Moncada was a big one) - and hangs them on the poor slob who happens to be walking out the door. The vagaries of love and marriage - who's right, who's wrong - those are damn hard calls to make from the upper deck. Still, it's got to really suck if you're a Yankee executive, and you work with the knowledge that some guy can marry into the Steinbrenner family and suddenly start telling you how to do your job. And if that's the case, Felix Lopez wasn't the problem.


John M said...

I don't think "handsome" is a requirement, judging by the photo of Felix.

That said, Jessica Steinbrenner is no Jessica Rabbit.

Leinstery said...

How about the game by Nunez? Starts off by lining one off Mitchell's face, then flashed some leather to rob Didi of a hit. I'm sitting there thinking, "what the fuck? This guy has plagued the Yankees for too long". Thankfully a tiger can't change its stripes and he proceeds gets thrown out trying to steal second (helmet no where in sight), and then loses the game with the most Nunez of plays. To think Cashman could have traded him for Cliff Lee when he was still one of the best pitchers in baseball.

Dutchfan said...

This was a fun game to listen to on the radio. Great win although the Yanks had to use the entire bullpen.
Wonderful hit by Bird and (even though I didn't watch him hit this time) I really love his stance at the plate. Looks sort of classic. Nice.

Tom said...

Jessica looks like George. She's sort of a handsome woman, although for her season tickets suitors will undoubtedly be lined up around the stadium in Tampa.

ceeja said...

Bird is a pleasure to watch. He picks his pitch and drives the ball well to all fields. He seems very comfortable at the plate. And unlike all the veteran re-treads the Yanks tend to sign, he's got a big upside. This guy could be very, very good.

ceeja said...

Reminds me of an old line from the seventh grade: "I wouldn't f**k her with your dick."

KD said...

come on. that's a streinbrother in drag.

Alphonso said...

ceeja - where did you go to elementary school? Me and my friends were getting excited looking at ads for bras in Vanity Fair, and you all had lines like that in the seventh grade?

Duque, I just got new Oaklies and can head to Tampa and see if I can stir things up. Thanks for the tip.

Nunez has always been a turd waiting to hurt his team; former, current and future. I heard that the kid was back in the Yankee clubhouse post his hospital visit. Good show.

He has to get right back on that horse, though. And he was looking good. Can we activate that Duncan brother to take Nunez out?