Tuesday, August 11, 2015

AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE! Juju Intervention set for tonight, top of the second in Cleveland

Fellow IT IS HIbreds...

Let's face it. There is no juju. No magic, no Bigfoot, no wood nymphs, not even a Chuckie or a Batman. It is a dead universe for magic. When the Yankees play, fan lives don't matter. Deal with it. The juju gods have.

And yet... 

What if someday you end up drinking in some eternal, afterlife bar with Jean Paul Sarte, Howard Cosell and Mickey Dolenz - the Ringo of the Monkees - and Sarte says, "EEDIOT! LIFE WAS A FOOKING DREAM! YOU COULD HAVE WON EVERY SEASON, EVERY WORLD SERIES, IF ONLY YOU HAD BELIEVED! THOSE TEACHERS, THOSE BASTARDS, THEY RUINED YOU WITH THEIR FOOKING LOGIC. EEEMBICLE!" Then Humble Howard runs off to smoke in the bathroom, and Mickey - (who isn't dead yet, but might be by then) - sings an entire rendition of "I'm a Believer." Trust me. You'll feel pretty crappy... and for all of eternity. Do you want that?

No. And that, my friends, is why we do what we do. That's why we invoke juju and charge the mound. Some fans stand up and yell, "AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE!" I'd rather be the Avenger who simply says, "Mrs. Peel, we're needed." And so...

It is time to release the Kraken.

Tonight... Second Inning... Cleveland... Juju...

The first International Juju Intervention (IJI) of 2015.


Tonight, by the Hoary Hosts of Hal, I summon all couch-born disgruntleds of the Yankiverse to rise from their Lazy-Boys, and their bean chairs and - Lo! from their knees of hopelessness... STAND UP, RISE UP, FIRM UP AND EXPEL JUJU INTO THE FERTILE LOVE BUCKET OF YOUR TELEVISIONS.

As the second inning begins, Yankee fans everywhere must confront their TVs, radios or electronic baby sitters and discharge high-grade, invisible Rizzutonic particles - (death rays, to the layperson) - in the general direction of Ohio. 

We shall will the Yankees to win!

Why do this? Why make oafs of ourselves? We know juju is impossible. It's crazy. But as Superman once said, "Darn it, Lois, it's so crazy it might just work!

But it can't work. Right? Why think otherwise? Well, folks... this is fact: 

On May 21, 2012, IT IS HIGH conducted the first International Juju Intervention (IJI). Over the next three weeks, the Yankees went 20-4. Goddammit. Look.  It.   Up.  That same year, on Aug. 31, we launched a second IJI. Gyadammot, I am not lying: The Yankees promptly went 10-3.

Since then - in 2013 and 2014 -  I'm not gonna sugarcoat it: Our Juju Interventions did nothing. Not one stinking win. The reason? Those crapola Yankee teams were beyond our help. 

So... here we are... 2015...  Whaddawegot? It's time to find out.




Dutchfan said...

Dear Lord, this is not only a grown-up. It is actually a "elderly person".

Unfortunately there will be now JuJu support from Rotterdam/Holland due to time zones and other warps. Is there The question is if it is possible to take that into account. So when I do my intervention at 7.30pm Dutch time will it translate in the time continuum to 7.30pm EST?
Or would it be better to do it at 7.30am Dutch, which coincides with a six hour delay realtime.

The thing is, as an elderly person, I tend to doze off round midnight and only a full bladder and/or too much wine get me to wake up somewhere during the night. Problably during the 5th.

I need guidance.

Alphonso said...

Use the 6 hour time difference. It is essential that the interventions be time-precise, based upon the Yankee game in progress. Not on some convenient, time-delay basis.

If the second inning occurs at7:30pm EST in America, you must sych up with that. We appreciate and need your help. Americans often wind up watching world Cup matches here at ungodly hours, when they are based many time zones away. This event is the same thing.

Only a JU-Ju intervention is more complicated, so it must be a full impact, coordinated assault.

Many thanks and good luck.

It is D-Day all over again.

Tom said...

let's git'em, boys! (and girls)

Toronto is out-Steinbrennering us, but we've got a good team. And with our help, Juju Intervention International, we can usher them into the one-game playoff, at least.

The Sayonara Kid said...

7:30 pm EST. The metaphorical concrete on my garage wall will be crumbling.

Dutchfan said...

1.10am cest Rotterdam will be standing by. Set the alarm instead of relying on the old bladder. And once again she will see me as a silly fool. What does she know!

el duque said...

You should not refer to your wife as the old bladder. But I know what you mean.

Mrs. Peel said...

I am in! Your mental illness is adorable!

Ken of Brooklyn said...


Honey Barnes said...

Roger That

Mustang said...

Standing by.

KD said...

The Schmindians are going DOWN!

Anonymous said...

you got it