Friday, December 4, 2015

I'M NOT REALLY HERE: Let us celebrate the Poetry of Brian Cashman.

I have a book coming out Dec. 15, which I plan to promote with the fervor of a bear atop Leonardo DiCaprio. It's called "BARD OF THE DEAL: THE POETRY OF DONALD TRUMP," and as far as I'm concerned, The Donald is no longer campaigning for President: He's on a book tour. This book is the ultimate bathroom read: "Take your dump... with Trump!"

It comes fast on the heels (12 years earlier) of "PIECES OF INTELLIGENCE: THE EXISTENTIAL POETRY OF DONALD RUMSFELD," which followed quickly (12 years earlier) after "O HOLY COW, THE SELECTED VERSE OF PHIL RIZZUTO," which I did with Mustang.

For the next few months, look for a Donald Trump Poem of the Day, gleaned from his recent appearances, because the man is an exploding human volcano of verse. But fear not, Yankiverse: This will never undermine my relentless truth-seeking, truth-telling and truth-varnishing exposes, as we celebrate the Yankees' drive toward the ultimate 2016 goal: the $189 million payroll.

Today, however, something different. Today, thrill-seeker Brian Cashman will put his life on the line to rope down a tall building somewhere in white bread Connecticut, from where most evils of the world - golf, patent leather shoes, Internet slide shows - emanate. Thus, we will ponder I'M NOT REALLY HERE: The Poetry of Brian Cashman. These poems were spoken yesterday to reporters, as the verse-meister did what he does best: Say nothing about nothing. He's nowhere near the level of Trump, but he does manage to always say nothing - or next to it.

It doesn't hurt to listen.
It doesn't hurt to talk.

It doesn't hurt to have
Aggressive conversations.

The only thing that would hurt

      Would be...
       If we...

Made a bad move.


He's not going to raise his hand
And say he needs a time out.
He's going to continue to run
     Through the wall...
     And over the wall.

He is wired in a way that
He's going to go down fighting,
And there's never any excuse
     Of an injury...
     He's like Derek.



I think, over years gone by,
We've grown as a franchise
to not be reactive.


We're continuing to execute
A game plan that
We've been very open
And honest about.


John M said...

"We're going to execute a game plan"???

They have a game plan??????

el duque said...

It's like a series of bad one-liners about ISIS.

Hey, what's the secret to a good ISIS joke? It's in the execution!

Also, make sure your audience doesn't know where you be heading!

(A hereby apologize for the above.)

KD said...

Rumsfeld vs. The Donald. Discuss.