Monday, December 7, 2015

My Interview with Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner

To my astonishment and disbelief yesterday, the famous, near-destitute Yankee owner phoned to talk baseball. After a quick introduction, I scrambled to turn on the recorder.

ME: (click)... no, this time is good... I've pulled out... What's on your mind, I'm Not Cheap?

IMNOTCHEAP: That's it! I'm not cheap!

ME: Uh-huh. Nice to meet you. And I'm el Duque.

IMNOTCHEAP: No, that's just it! I'M... NOT... CHEAP!

ME: Yes, thanks for calling, I'm Not Cheap. What's on your mind?

IMNOTCHEAP: Stop calling me I'm Not Cheap, because I'm not cheap!

ME: I don't understand?

IMNOTCHEAP: (Howls into phone.) I'M NOT CHEAP!

ME: El Duque!

IMNOTCHEAP: No, you don't get it! You say I'm Not Cheap. BUT I'M NOT CHEAP.

ME: You're absolutely right, I'm Not Cheap.

IMNOTCHEAP: No, I'm not. I'm NOT I'm Not Cheap!

BACKGROUND VOICE: Who the hell are you talking to?

ME (to background voice.): I'm Not Cheap.

IMNOTCHEAP: No! No! No! It's not I'm Not Cheap. It's me, and I'M NOT CHEAP!

ME: And I'm El Duque. What can I do for you, I'm Not Cheap?

IMNOTCHEAP: Bahhhhhhh! (To someone off phone) Cashman, I told you this wouldn't work! (Back to receiver.) You're not listening. For the last time... I'M... NOT... CHEAP!

ME: El Duque! Pleased to talk with you. So, I'm Not Cheap, who's on first? Ha. That's a joke...

1 comment:

John M said...

I wonder if Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinboy knows Tom "I'm Not Winning" Coughlin?

Hal keeps finding new ways to not spend money, and Tom keeps finding new ways to blow games. You'd think they have a lot in common.