Sunday, January 31, 2016

Abe Vigoda is dead, Howie Kendricks is signed, and Hal Steinbrenner lost $30,000 gambling on baseball cards.

This week, the Yankee Code Red Terror Alert finally ended.

Howie Kendricks finally signed with the Dodgers.

It's over. The kidney stones passed. Count your toes. Bring the kids up from the basement. And count the kids. Remember: There are things worse than death, and there are things worse than going a winter without a free agent... things such as, well, signing Howie Kendricks.

And now we know why Hal Steinbrenner is so reluctant to spend money: He just got swindled.

Hal was more interested in old baseball cards than another Brian Roberts/Stephen Drew at 2B. Did you hear that Food Stamps lost $30,000 on a baseball card scam? (To a Steinbrenner, $30,000 is the Clam Dip Fund. Hal wouldn't bend over to pick up $30,000 on a streetcorner.) It must have been exciting, buying packs of unopened baseball cards and thinking he might get a Mickey or a Roger. And that's what he's done all winter - signing the Kirby Yateses and Lane Adamses, hoping to get the next Steve Pierce.

The terror has passed. Howie Kendricks has signed. And now we know why Food Stamps is holding onto his money.


JM said...

I'm glad Hal has found something to do besides supervising the underpaid guys who polish his yacht and the overpaid young women who polish something else.

I'm also beginning to think that the only real interest he has in baseball is when he pays one of those young women to dress up as Nestor Chylak sans everything but the mask, giant protector and shin guards, and keep yelling 'Ball! Ball! Ball!' during their activities.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

From the article:

       Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner bought unopened packs of '60s and '70s Topps baseball cards.

If Prince Hal's experience was anything like my experience buying unopened packs of Topps baseball cards in the 1960s, he's sure to find that the packages will contain 45% Claude Osteens, 45% Joe Foys, and 10% Herman Franks' manager cards.

It is entirely possible that the first F-Bomb I dropped in my life involved saying, "What? Another f*ing Claude Osteen? This game is f*ing rigged!"

Rufus T. Firefly said...

C'mon Duque, tell us what happened to Fonzie.

I'm concerned for his health, and not just his liver.

Mustang said...

John M, Hal couldn't possibly overpay those women who polish his something else. Would you want that job? I wouldn't.

Rufus T, Alphonso winters in South Mexico, where he supports himself by gambling on Dirt Field League baseball. Their All-Star Break is in early February. I wouldn't be surprised if we hear from him then.

ceeja said...

What are we talking about here -- polishing the bishop? Milking the one-eyed lizard? Spanking the monkey? Playing pocket pool?

Let's talk baseball. Yanks got a good enough team to make it interesting.