Yankees sign "Brendan Ryan with a lesser glove" to eliminate the need for rookie infielders

There is a psychological reason why humans regularly picture the apocalypse. By contemplating asteroids, earthquakes, volcanoes and tornadoes full of chainsaw-wielding sharks, being stuck in snow on the New York State Thruway just doesn't seem so bad. 

Which brings me to today's apocalyptic Yankee news...

The Empire has signed Danny Espinosa to a minor league contract.

Crickets.

Okay, for a moment, let's consider the worst-case scenario in Tampa. What if three weeks from now, Glyber Torres, Miguel Andujar, Tyler Wade, Thairo Estrada and Ronald Torreyes arrive in Tampa with gonads the size of weather balloons due to chronic re-tweaking, thereby scratching the 2018 Yankee infield youth movement. If that happens, we would turn to Espinosa - our first "Espy" since Alvaro Espinosa became one of Phil Rizzuto's faves during the dark ages - (Matt Nokes, Deion Sanders, Mel Hall) - between 1988 and 1991, part of the 14-Year Barfield Barf.

Espinosa is a 30-year-old, good-field, no-hit utility infielder who would handle 3B or 2B if everybody else Buckners his way back to Scranton. Last year, Espinosa bounced across three teams, hitting .173 with 6 home runs and four Ks per every 10 at bats. He's a switch-hitter, much in the way pitchers are switch-hitters. Since 2013, he's hit .207. (Note: By comparison, the light-hitting Alvaro Espinosa produced a career Ruthian average of .254.) 

Here's where things get scary. Don't be surprised if Espinosa isn't in the lineup on opening day. Much has been written about the looming Yankee front office strategy of holding back Torres and/or Andujar for the first six weeks, thereby robbing them of a year of leverage in future contract arbitration. Other teams do it. I suppose the Yankees might, as well. That could leave Espinosa and Jace Peterson - another veteran glove - to bat eighth and ninth through the month of April. 

Theoretically, the '18 Yankees won't need hits from the bottom of the lineup. If the big guys don't produce, we are toast. The last two won't save us. And there is a bright spot here: By acquiring Espinosa, it looks more as though Cashman won't sign some expensive free agent - (gulp, the Toddfather) - who will have to play, regardless of how the rookies do. Instead, Cash is combing the scrap heap, contemplating the apocalypse. Let it snow.