This winter, we've assumed Boston would sign OF/DH JD Martinez to a contract that will look good through next summer, and eventually morph into their version of Jacoby Ellsbury Syndrome. The question is whether they'll be leashed to each other for five or seven years. We're hoping for lucky number seven!
Now, the Internet tells us that Martinez is "fed up" with Boston's unwillingness to roll a seven, or even compromise on six, and he might go elsewhere just to spite his Redsockian overlords. That's probably just "super agent" Scott Boras spewing from the blowhole. But it would set up a perfect opportunity for some other team to match Boston's offer and steal Martinez - if the owners were not colluding.
Meanwhile, check out this Boras spoken verse, composed yesterday.
THE OFF-SEASON REGATTA
By Scott Boras
They got to Florida
coming back from Japan
and what did they find?
A shipwrecked franchise.
its cargo’s in the ocean, go get it!
You know how much investment teams
put in trying to get all those players?
you’re near the free agent docks,
more teams dump. Tampa, Pittsburgh,
then finally they get to the docks,
and it’s what, two months late?
So now they finally realize
there’s no more trades
and the free agents are starting
to move a little bit
because teams are done.
I've said this before: If Boras ever wants to ditch his minimum wage job as super agent and join the high-pay industry of fan-blogging, he's got a niche here at IT IS HIGH.
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12 comments:
I don't know if Mr. Boras has sufficient appreciation for the absurdities of life to actually fit in around here. But, sure. I'd give him a chance. Show us what you got, Scott!
His piercing, melancholy poetry rivals T. S. Eliot. He obviously is living a winter of quiet desperation.
Meanwhile, on cue, your Paper of Record ran an article on...wait for it!...yes, curling. You knew they couldn't resist it, the most ludicrous of all sports in a tournament that includes the skeleton, the biathlon, and ice dancing.
Actually, this sounds like a sport for us.
"We did a fair bit of work in bars," one of the developers of this new, $3,000 "SmartBroom" for the sport told the paper.
Another developer of it has come up with the "sweeping performance index, or S.P.I., a metric that combines power and speed in one easy-to-digest figure." They all hope that more innovations are forthcoming. For example: hardware light enough to embed in brooms used in competition so that real-time statistics can be broadcast on television."
I love it! More incomprehensible statistics, streaming to us in real time! For a sport that really should be called, "Broom Bocci on Ice."
Of course, this precluded any reporting on soccer or the Yankees, meaning that we're still at Soccer 19, Yanks 3 for the year, and Soccer 4, Yankees 2 in this endless February.
First we had sabermetrics. Now we have broometrics. what a world...
Hey gang, a little off topic but something terrifying that you must all be aware of.
While watching Game 1 of the 98 World Series on Yankees Classics yesterday I saw something unsettling. The cameras at one point (right after the first pitch in the top of the 7th for those who seek to verify) showed a shot of Bud Selig and Randy Levine enjoying the game together.
Immediately everything that we have ever said about Levine made sense. He's been trying to destroy the Yankees from within because he is a pawn of longtime Yankee nemesis Bud Selig. Bud creates arbitrary rules to screw the Yankees while Levine works to destroy internally.
In meteorological terms, Bud Selig and Randy Levine sitting next to one another is a hairnado.
Personally, I'm getting tired of the whining and complaining by the players and agents. Put the blame where it belongs. Who voted for this agreement...the players?....the Union heads? The stupidity of the players and the union for signing off with MLB ownership is on display. Deal with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe they need a new Union chief!!!!
Yanks signed Russell Wilson. Doesn't make mistakes, decent arm, can make things happen with his legs. Scouts see him as a better, right-handed Tebow. We'll like him at third.
BORAS CAN'T USE CAPS IF HE COMES ABOARD!
JUST SAW LBJ'S "HAIRNADO" LINE.
FANTASTIC!..LOL
Next—LeBron.
The owners and GMs are finally wising up, and realizing that guys signed after 30 are just not going to give them 7 years of good value. The agents should adjust in return, by settling for fewer years and asking for more money per.
The now constant tanking is a problem, though. It will drive away fans eventually.
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