2. The wings will go first, followed by the cookies. There will be salad left over.
3. You will vastly underestimate the need for alcohol.
4. Turnovers in the game - important!
5. The refs will call for a 10-minute video replay review and defy all laws of logic to overturn a call, favoring the Patriots.
6. As the fake people in the fake crowd fake listen to the fake Halftime Show, you will see a death head in the cheese dip.
7. Some poor wide receiver will be crushed, carted off and never seen again.
8. Everyone will watch the commercials and hit the bathroom during the actual game.
9. By the fourth quarter, you will be either suicidal or asleep.
10. Belichick and Brady will win, ruining the night.
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11 comments:
where's the memo that explains how the Patriot dynasty has been propped up by the NFL to ensure that New England Republicans have something to cheer about?
(that was not a political provocation. merely a statement of fact.)
where's the memo that explains how the Patriot dynasty has been propped up by the NFL to ensure that New England Republicans have something to cheer about?
Both New England Republicans?
Other predictions:
1) Despite their standing bet on "all things sport" of a case of New England Clam Chowder vs. A case of The Clap, the bet between John Adams and Benjamin Franklin will end with one of them reneging.
2) My wife will not understand why we are not watching the Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet.
3) I will feel that there was a better party that I should have been at.
4) The 4K high def TV I will watch the game on will disturb and frighten me on some level probably because I never want to see anything in that kind of detail.
5) Because I hate both teams I will switch allegiances several times during the game and just end up rooting for the defense. Sacks on Brady, interceptions, dropped balls, (not penalties - slows the game down), fumbles, missed field goals. Basically a ship of fools so that I can feel better knowing that my Giants are just 10-12 players away from beating these guys.
Doug K.
I have no interest in watching this bloated, brain-damaging spectacle. Make that plural if you count the halftime show. We're having company instead, a foreign-born woman who mercifully has no interest in football whatsoever. I'll be playing some vinyl if you're in the neighborhood.
To follow up on Anonymous's (yes, by rights you do put an "s" after the apostrophe, though nobody does it) comment on liquid clam dishes, I will grudgingly concede that New England chowder is far better than the tomato-based Manhattan poseur. But that's the only thing they have over us.
OK, maybe also Kennedy over our current White House occupant, but after that, nada.
There will be numerous 10 minute " review" periods.
Most will focus on:
"Did he complete the catch?"
"Where was the ball when his knee touched the ground?"
"What can we do to ensure a Patriot win?"
As side notes:
Gronk should not be playing. But due to the Patriot's ( and his ) decision that he has, " miraculously cleared the concussion protocol," I hope he gets his bell rung.
I would like to see Brady run over like road-kill. Just once. In such a fashion that, for a period of 6 months, his girlfriend can't distinguish his ass from his face.
Enjoy the game.
Oh, my, John M, we may have to throw down over that apostrophe s. Out of respect -- and laziness -- I am not consulting any style guides right now, but I'm pretty sure ol'Theodore Bernstein will tell us to leave the extra s out.
I never did get that second "s" thing. Doesn't it have something to do with the number of syllables in the word? And if so, why so?
No soccer or Yankees (of course) in the Times today, just a mesmerizing article on how we came to switch from saying "hike" to "hut." ( I mean "mesmerizing" in the sense of reducing someone to somnolence or semi-consciousness.).
That leaves it Soccer 18, Yanks 2 on the year, 3-1 on the month.
"death head in the cheese dip" happens a lot around here. I should cut back on the Vitamin D.
I can't wait til this effin' game is over, so I can start listening to sports radio again, LOL!
I love "death head in the cheese dip," and all the rest of this entry.
The one thing to be said about the Super Bowl: it got better.
Games 3-9—or III-IX, as the National Pretentious League would have it—had to 7 of the worst football games ever played.
Sure, No. 3 was exciting, and to a lesser degree, 4, because they proved the AFL could play with the NFL. (Though in retrospect, anybody eyeballing the teams should've been able to see that. The only reason 1 and 2 were so lopsided was because Vince Lombardi was a flippin' genius.)
But after that, the only game vaguely exciting was No. 5, the infamous "Blunder Bowl," where there was some suspense mostly because both the Colts and the Cowboys made so many mistakes.
These games were just bad. The losing team scored only 49 points, or exactly 7 a game, while the winners scored a grand total of 132, for an average of 19.
Even these stats were deceptive; the losers' totals included things like the return of Garo Yepremian's ludicrous "pass."
One team would get ahead of the other, and then just run the ball into the line the rest of the game. This went on all through my impressionable childhood. It was THE worst era for pro football.
If pro football had stayed that bad, in that much of a defensive funk, it would now be about as bad as most soccer games are today—and about as popular. The awfulness of those games probably gave the NFL the push it needed to finally change the rules.
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