Virtual Baseball: Disaster in the Dome. Frazier Conked on His Dome. Yandy is Dandy.

In the beginning of their showdown series with the Tampa Bay Rays tonight, the Virtual Yankees were upended, thanks to a fine pitching performance by Blake "The Ferret" Snell, and Dandy Yandy Diaz, who rocketed two home runs into the dismal miasma of Tropicana Field.

Johnny Loaisiga, making his biggest start yet as a Bomber, was rocked from the first inning on, as the opportunistic Rays skidded hit after hit off the tattered synthetic turf of Tropicana, en route to taking a 9-2 decision.

Capping a depressing evening for the Yanks, a ball hit off the latticed infrastructure of the Trop by Ji-Man Choi bopped Clint Frazier on his crown, adding him to the team's already extensive disabled list.  Under the complex ground rules of the Trop, Choi was awarded a triple, and allowed to keep a free Marvel action figure of his choice.

In other developments today, it was reported that doctors may have to operate on the badly iced fingers of Aroldis Chapman, before they can be straightened out again.  Manager Ma Boone sent an interoffice memo to the Yanks' Virtual GM, Brian Cashman, mentioning that the team was rapidly running out of pitchers, and wondering if he had any ideas.

And beloved Yankee broadcaster Suzyn Waldman told reporters that while she still missed John Sterling, her erstwhile partner, she continued to find the recorded Voice of Phil Rizzuto be a soothing presence in the booth.

"I find that I now think incessantly about eating lasagna, and that I keep envisioning a store filled with money for some reason," Suzyn admitted.  "But I do like how he keeps mentioning how well Balboni is doing down at Columbus."