Virtual Baseball: Yanks Rally to Bail Out Happ. Special Eagle Protection for Cashman.

General Manager Brian Cashman models new protective headgear.

In Virtual Baseball today, the Yankees managed to salvage one contest from the three-game set, by rallying to beat the Blue Jays, 7-6.

Starter J.A. Happ appeared headed to his first loss of the season as the Jays forged an early 4-2 lead. Former Yankee outfielder Billy "Don't Be a Hero" McKinney was, in fact, a hero, hitting for the cycle today, and executing a rare steal of home.

But a three-run homer by Miguel Andujar and a two-run jack by Clint Frazier put the Yanks back in the lead headed into the ninth.  Manager Ma Boone, showing renewed faith in Aroldis "Funky" Chapman, allowed the perpetually perspiring pitcher to try to close out the game today.

Both Bo "The Real" Bichette and Vlad Guerrero, Jr. took him deep, with record blasts that shattered windows in the hotel overlooking the playing field, but Gio Urshela's leaping line drive of a shot down the third base line by Brandon Drury managed to end the game.  Urshela was scheduled for x-rays to see if any of his fingers were broken by Drury's drive, which pierced the leather of his glove.

"Hey, it's de modern times, mon," shrugged manager Ma Boone afterwards.  "Dey hit de ball hard."

The media listening to Boone took an immediate poll and demanded that he stop talking like that, and stop using a Caribbean accent.

No word was reported today from New Mexico, where aides had grown concerned about the 48 hours that baseball commissioner Rob Manfred had spent inside a Navajo sweat lodge with Yankees slugger Giancarlo Stanton.

Invited inside to see that everything was all right, the aides did not re-emerge, but did send out an order for 28 pizzas and "more cactus milk."  The talks stretched into their 60th hour.

And Yankees GM Brian Cashman emerged from his darkened bunker under the Stadium today, wearing a new device Yankees creatures Randy Levin, Lonn Trost, and Lon Nol had devised, to help him recover from the traumatic eagle attack he suffered in a lizard misrecognition incident.

For full security, the Special Extra Eagle Protection (SEEP) device would have to be closed and locked in place, the Yankees creatures explained, but Cashman would still be able to speak, breathe, and absorb selected nutrients through various passages in the SEEP.

"Uh-oh," remarked Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner.