Tuesday, December 21, 2021

It's time for 10 Yankee Christmas wishes

As the big night nears, you can feel energy draining from the Yankiverse. The Mets have become NYC's "It Girl," and Tampa is the dominant variant in the AL East.

It's not impossible to imagine the Yankees - hogtied by contracts, egos, austerity and hubris - finishing last in their division. 

So here are 10 Christmas wishes unto the juju gods, who - frankly - owe us for last year's debacle. If five come true, I'll call it a success. 

In 2022, I would like to see: 

1. Yankee batters reduce their strikeout totals by 10 percent. We cannot field a team that whiffs 10-to-15 times per game.

2. Hitters bunt when opposing defenses go into outlandish over-shifts. There can no longer be excuses for batters who hit .200 and yet refuse to bunt.

3. Aaron Boone smash a water cooler. Full-tilt Pauly O'Neill. At least once.

4. John Sterling manage a game. Suzyn as bench coach. Boone can do play by play.

5. The Yankees not drain their farms for a wildcard birth. If by July 30, they are not contending for the Division, they should start thinking about next year.

6. Hal Steinbrenner put the team up for sale. He needs a soccer club.

7. Brian Cashman get a Rolex, plaque and promotion upstairs; the team should hire a GM from outside the organization.

8. Gary Sanchez and Miguel Andujar start over in new cities. They need to escape NYC. 

9. Brett Gardner retire with a day honoring him at Yankee Stadium. He should be put on a fast-track to become our next manager.

10.  The pandemic end, and the Yankiverse return to crazed, hysterical normalcy.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

9 comments:

JM said...

Gardner as manager?

I'm flabbergasted. But hey, it's an idea.

Unknown said...

Jesus, I’d rather see Giambi as manager. Think about all the booze, hookers and blow at the post game buffet every day

13bit said...

6 through 10 especially.

we need some blog member to take one for the team and strike a Faustian bargain.

won't be me, but I'll document it and make sure your family understands.

because I care.

love you all.

ranger_lp said...

11. Increase by 10% the number of times Boone says "Horseshit" to an umpire.

Celerino Sanchez said...

I wish they should sign John Daly as a fitness consultant

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hilarious, Bitty! And well put as ever, Duque.

Hazel Motes said...

The Yankees aren't funny anymore or worth anyone's time or attention. A vast wasteland.

Goat said...

They were never funny, you humorless piece of shit. We only made jokes because we had to. You, stat baby, have no sense of humor and never will.

EDB said...

I have several wishes El Duque. This won't come true, but, Cheapskate Hal, Genius Cashman, Manager Kumbaya Know It All Randy Levine disappear. STD Sanchez, Barren Hicks, Mr Whiff Gallo and Choke Master Chapman are no longer Yankees.