How is that possible???

Your 2023 New York Yankees may never have dreamed the impossible dream. But last night, they played the impossible game—at least according to the Yankees' front office.

Somehow, Gerrit Cole—a man I've long derided as "Flouncy," I will admit—pitched a two-hit, complete game shutout against a likely playoff team, the fearsome Toronto Blue Jays.

How is that possible???

As it happens, Cole threw just 105 pitches...and struck out just five BJs.

Again, I ask...how is that possible?

Everyone but everyone in MLB knows that the only way pitchers have success is by throwing incredible, 100-mph, arm torquing, elbow-twisting heat on every single pitch, striking out or walking nearly every batter until they are absolutely fried at the end of five innings—and ready for another TJ every 2-3 years.

Could it possibly be that Cole pitched to contact, getting Toronto's bloated, buffoonish blowhards to hit the ball to Yankee fielders???

Lest you be worried that the globe has gone off its axis, most of the rest of the Yankees played the same way they have all year.

Their lineup—which included three "hitters" batting under .200, four under .210, and five under .215—produced the standard 13 strikeouts.

The one exception?

That Judge fella—the one man who said to the Yankees' crack(ed) crew of trainers and coaches, "Uh, no thanks, I'll do it my way"—and has put together some incredible feats of hitting ever since.

Yesterday, The Judge not only hit two, two-run homers, but also got a key walk that helped along another rally.

But again...

How is that possible???

Everyone knows that you have to pay rapt attention to the Yankees' coaches telling you to swing for the fences on every pitch, until you hear that certain something pop in your elbow.

(Incidentally, while I know it's a small sample size on one side, here is the comparison of Giancarlo and Florial, The One Man Who Struck Out Too Much Even for the Yankees:  

Florial: 15 games, .250/.351/.354/.705, 15 Ks, or 1/game.

Stanton: 100 games, 100 games, .191/.275/.420/.695, 121 Ks, or 1.21/game. 

Plus, Florial can still run and play the field.)

No, there is absolutely no way that last night's game was possible. It didn't happen. Strike it from your mind—it's a chimera, a hallucination caused by swamp gas, or the Northern Lights. 

It's simply not possible.