Who cares if it turned out to be for last place - the final wild card berth having vanished long ago like Melania in Iowa. The pennant race is over, but the muscle memory remains.
Close your eyes, and it's still Yanks v Redsocks, BOS v NYC, Varitek v A-Rod, Ben v J-Lo, New England v Manhattan - the war of clam chowders. And make no mistake here: Boston is tanking, looking to next year, while the Yankees race to save Cooperstown Cashman's Christmas bonus.
But here's an idea: Let's enjoy the stress-free autumn - no heart attack losses, no PTSD meltdowns, no walk-off gut jabs - just a two-month, increasingly dank whatever...
They cannot hurt us. They cannot ruin another morning or night. Considering the ongoing embarrassment of NY sports - the Jets and Giants? dear God, shoot me - they cannot draw blood. NY sports is why Gotham remains America's cultural and artistic center: They're so awful, so horrible, that people must find alternatives. So see a show, a concert, a lecture, an exhibition. Those men in tights and helmets... they don't matter.
No stress. And hey, a sweep is a sweep, right?
Yesterday, in game one, with a one-run lead and only one out, Closer Clay loaded the bases on walks. So what did Redsock batter Alex "Mookie" Verdugo do? He flailed at the first pitch, grounding into a DP. It summoned forth one of The Master's longest win-warbles of 2023. I estimated 7.5 seconds, a glorious output for an 85-year-old man. Neither Biden nor Trump could have done it. For one moment, the dream survived, with John electrified by the Jeep brand.
In the postgame, Justin Shackil - pride of Wayne, NJ - dutifully outlined the wild card race, as if it mattered, while Suzyn prepped her Clubhouse Report, and Aaron Boone performed his imitation of Mitch McConnell at the MTV Awards. The Yankees are going about their business, as if nobody anybody is watching. It's sorta sad, sorta enjoyable. But they can't hurt us anymore. Hey, what's on the Turner Movie Channel tonight?
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41 comments:
The pennant express is back on the rails! Imagine a team can score 7 runs w/o a HR. I thought the was illegal in MLB?
The Starr Insurance Yanks Tragic Number is 11. The MassMutual RedSox Tragic Number is 12.
We are going to be gaslit over that fact that we were still in the playoff hunt with a week and a half left. Participatory trophy milestones are easy to find nowadays...
THEY CAN'T EVEN TANK PROPERLY, THE FUCKING FUKDEDY FUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, by the way, fuck Aaron Rogers. With the disembodied, dead frozen head of Ted Williams.
Winnie -
Aaron Rogers aside - and I'm starting to think that Aaron may not be a good name for NY sports figures... Rogers, Hicks, Boone...
When I read your comment I flashed on a graphic of the Ted Williams hitting zone using your above described head instead of baseballs. All screaming no,no no!!!!
If I had AA's graphic skills I might take a stab at it. Fortunately I don't. (and AA - don't do it - we will all be lesser for it. I'm ashamed I thought of it.)
AA???????????????
Above Average.
The Commentariat:
Doug K.: Ted Williams hitting zone and spray chart using the disembodied, dead, frozen and wailing (Oh no no nooo!) head of Ted Williams in lieu of baseballs.
Where waiting on you AA.
We struck out 27 times yesterday. That’s a whole game’s worth of outs. I saw bits and pieces of the game, and every Yankee hitter had the same approach - swing as hard as you can no matter what the situation. What a damning indictment of the team’s organization philosophy and development techniques.
Here is the cumulative slash for Pereira, Peraza, Dominguez, Wells, Rortvedt, Florial
329 cumulative PA
.166/.239/.262. OPS = .501
take away JD, it’s even worse.
The future’s so bright, I gotta wear shades!
Yeah, but never forget, 999: all those endless upswings have the added advantage of injuring guys as well!
All of this is rapidly making baseball unwatchable. Less and less contact, less and less action in the field, less of the best players in the game, less strategy, less skill, more injuries, more cheap home-run records, more flailing strikeouts, more sponsor ads on the unis, more rule changes necessary to do what baseball players and managers used to know how to do without coercion.
Mo’ Sports Betting
To be fair, Rortvedt is hitting .100. That's dragging down the group.
@ BTR999, I wear my sunglasses at night ... so I can ... so I can ... see Yanks strike out all of the time ....
@ Doug K, According to the good book, Aaron never made it to the promised land. Which appears to be the same fate that will befall Aaron Judge. He broke the A.L. home run record, but winning a championship seems more difficult than walking a camel through the eye of a needle.
What if it were a Camel Light?
Duque, "what's on the Turner movie channel tonight?"
Well, I've been busy as a bee compiling my dvd/blu ray collection. Recently watched a double shot of Hammer anthology horror: Tales from the Crypt/Vault of Horror on blu ray by Scream Factory. These movies looked so damn good. Seems like they were shot yesterday. I'd seen Tales from the Crypt on tv before, but Vault of Horror was a first watch. I think I liked Vault even more! Fabulous, highly recommended.
Also recently watched "Nosferatu: the Vampyre" with Klaus Kinski and Isabelle Adjani. Sorry to say, but I cannot recommend this one. Thought it sucked, actually. There were good long scenes and shots of traveling through beautiful rugged mountain trails and passes, almost makes you feel as if you were there, but that was as good as it got. Dracula's castle seemed more like an Italian or Spanish summer rental with its cheerful white plaster and stucco walls. Kinski acted like Dracula on LSD. (Maybe he was on LSD?) There are numerous time consuming shots of a large, flapping bat that add absolutely nothing to the film. And this idiot who played Renfield was completely out of control. Even the beautiful Adjani was just plain annoying. Skip this one, if you value your blood.
Up next, Vampire Circus and Watusi.
@ AA, Would need a Neanderthal cave bear hide & fur sewing needle to get that sucker through.
Hammer - The only Aaron I can think of that won while here was
Aaron Burr. And he played in the Meadowlands.
Hammer - love your movie schedule - I actually mentioned Vampire Circus on this very blog less than a week ago.
Perhaps you should consider changing your handle from Hammer to Amicus of God.
Just a point of order; I watched the USMNT v Oman instead of Yankee v Red Sox.
I thought Oman was a gulf. Turns out it is a country.
Once Jesse was taken away by the Ju-Ju Gods, I hung myself out to dry.
Winny - I must dutifully respect Doug’s impassioned plea for me not to do that spray chart photo illustration.
However I’d be more than happy to email you a wonderful photo I have of this giddy Yankee fan carrying a ketchup slathered tray of fries up a steep staircase all whilst wearing an impressive bit of Yankees swag dangling at the end of giant bike chain.
Would that suffice?
@ AA, You mentioned Vampire Circus a week ago? I don't remember seeing that. Though I have to admit, I have been remiss in my blogging duties lately. This business of tanking has got me down. And with The Martian out, now there really is nothing to root for.
But back to my dereliction of duty, I should be ... as the Master used to say ... whipped, flogged, and flagellated (by that delightfully hot chick in the middle segment of anthology movie "Black Sabbath"). Back as she was then, of course, she probably looks like hell now.
The Master used to say that phrase all the time: "whipped, flogged, and flagellated". He hasn't said it in many years, so far as I'm aware. The Yankee censors must've reined him in.
On his last broadcast, I hope he gets it one final time!
Alphonso, do you mean Jesse Barfield?
sorry, "gets it IN one final time!"
Try Black Sunday, and not the bomb at the football game one.
While being burnt at the stake, the witch Asa Vajda vows to enact revenge on her descendents. Hundreds of years later Asa returns to life and immediately raises her henchmen from the dead, ready to keep her promise.
Ah, I've heard of that one, or seen the promo on amazon. Seems interesting but isn't that in black & white? Probably why I've haven't got to it yet.
The Black Sunday football game movie, I've seen on t.v. Kept waiting for a Great White shark to show up next to Robert Shaw!
Horror Hotel
The House that Dripped Blood
Asylum
Burnt Offerings
The Brood
Just read the wiki write up on Black Sunday (1960). A Mario Bava flick. Well, you've convinced me to see it. Thanks!
It occurs to me that I'm like a vampire who sucks up horror movies, instead of blood. Can't get enough. Got to get my fix!
@ AA, I've seen the middle three of that list! The first and last ones, never heard of. Will have to check 'em out, thanks!
For a truly lame experience, try Cannibal Girls, featuring a couple future members of Second City TV. Most dialogue improvised, truly bad.
Horror Hotel is a classic...
Love them Italian horror movies, Lucio Fulci, Dario Argento. Phenomena (1985) with Jennifer Connelly, and who can forget that Iron Maiden "Flash of the Blade" soundtrack?
Fulci's City of the Living Dead, The Beyond, and The House By The Cemetary. Nobody knows what the hell is going on, but they're gory, bloody disgusting, and fun! The Yankees are only disgusting, so no fun at all!
Wiki says Black Sabbath was Mario Bava's directorial debut. So I'll have to see it.
JM, Someday we'll have to compile a list of the "so bad, it's good" kind of movies. Dozens of them around. First and foremost of which would be, and we've talked about this one before, "Life Force", with that hottest of them all vampire wench walking around totally naked for the entire movie!
Hammer - keep me in mind for that list too :)
Michael Winner’s The Sentinel is interesting.
LifeForce does have a “relative” flick in something called The Hidden which is an interesting watch.
And then there’s this crappy fave (also connected) called I Come In Peace.
...and you go in pieces!
Let's Scare Jessica to Death.
That's a movie, not a statement about a Steinbrenner.
Black Sunday's on YouTube. I watched it the day you were all talking about Black Sabbath. Scared the shit out of me when I saw it as a kid on Chiller Theater, Saturday nights, with Chilly Billy Cardilly of course.
Jessica is a good one, ED
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