To revive the Yankees, Hal Steinbrenner will have to do something entirely new: He will have to outbid Steve Cohen. (Unless, of course, they can reach an agreement)

As we celebrate The Martian and his meteors - Austin Wells and Everson Pereira - it's impossible not to ponder the looming glories of 2024, a time of cultural harmony and political good will. It should be a great time to be alive, if you love civil wars and the Yankees.

Check out our lineup. Assuming that we stick with Anthony Rizzo at 1B, I count five positions locked in: Judge in RF, Volpe at SS, Gleyber at 2B and Jasson Dominguez in CF. (There is no turning back from The Martian.) That's five of nine - a batting average of .555! And we haven't even pondered the staff.

Already, voices across the Yankiverse are calling for the signing of Cody Bellinger, who at 29 will be coming off perhaps his best season. Bellinger is hitting .320 with 23 HRs -following a three-year sojourn into Gallo Town, when he hit .239, .165 and .210. He also carries a slight whiff of Giancarlo, that is, of a slugger whose career year might just have happened. 

But here's the rub: To make Bellinger a Yankee, Hal Steinbrenner will have to outbid not only the West Coast and the Cubs, but also his fellow NY billionaire codpiece, Steve Cohen. Last year, he did just that... albeit in a strange way.  

Last year, Cohen chased every big name free agent like a beagle after the garbage truck - except for one: Mr. Aaron Judge. Cohen sat out that auction, in the same way that Hal barely nibbled on Max Scherzer and Justin Verlander, who signed with the Mets.

Before going further, let me assure you that I would never EVER suggest collusion among owners: That's unethical! It simply does not happen among principled luminaries, such as Cohen and Steinbrenner. If you even thought that such moves might be made, you should be ashamed. You should be banned from this blog - from all Yankee blogs. I can tell you without a doubt that all bidding was conducted with the utmost integrity and honor. The owners do not collude. If you're reading this aloud, wash your mouth out with soap. 

Also, whatever happened last winter, it didn't help either owner, whose teams shat the beds. Therefore, this winter, if and when Bellinger comes into play, Hal will have to outbid Cohen. Right?  

Hmm. Wait a minute. There is another factor. Shohei Ohtani. He might be a free agent. Certainly, a non-collusionary spending truce would benefit both owners - if one chased Ohtani and the other got Bellinger? Of course, that cannot happen, because of the ethics involved. 

Because here's the real rub: For either the Mets or Yankees to win a pennant in 2024, they'll need both. 

So, let's be real here: Hal won't outbid Cohen for Ohtani. He'll wave some money around and talk tough, Joe Rogan-style, but then he'll do what he always does: Finish second in the biding. That would leave Bellinger. 

Insert sigh here. 

Well, they'll have to find someone to play left field. For all his hope, Pereira has six hits in 46 at bats. And no matter what they do this month, our three "Baby Bombers" have been rushed through the system, perhaps to their detriment. Five weeks ago, they were all in Double A. They ripped through Scranton with barely one visit to the Dollar General. The grim truth is that every MLB team has a September wave of youth, and unless The Martian turns out to be a monster, the Yankee crop looks rather average. One player exceled at Triple A this year, but they want no part of Estevan Florial. A year from now, will they be giving any of these guys the Florial Treatment? 

Last time the Yankees won anything - 2009 - Hal courageously signed CC Sabathia, Mark Teixieira and AJ Burnett - baseball's three top free agents. Five years later, he tried to repeat it: Carlos Beltran, Jacoby Ellsbury and Brian McCann. It didn't work. Ever since, he's let the players go and, instead, chased the money.

To revive the Yankees this winter will require a shit-ton of spending, and probably the eating of at least one giant contract. (Looking at you, Giancarlo.) And unlike 2009, this time, Hal has competition from his own back yard. 

So, would he give Cohen a call and talk about - oh, I dunno - the price of tomatoes?