Last time we landed so far out, it was 1992: the year Bill Clinton was elected, Rodney King was beaten and Sam Kinison was buried.
As our own Stang posted last night, the NY Post is suggesting a plan that should bring smiles to Prudent Hal Steinbrenner and Brian "Fuckin" Cashman: Don't try to spend your way back into contention. Go with what you've got. The fans want austerity. These free agents are simply too expensive for the Yankees.
The unions have gotten too big for their britches. It's time for someone - the Yankees, dammit! - to draw the line. No more big-ticket signings. No more $300 million payrolls. Let's get back to the days of boot-clicking and bootlicking. Some Japanese pitcher expects $200 million? Not on our Rolex watch, pally. Cody Bellinger? Juan Soto? Fuck dat. Give us austerity! Now! Altogether...
AUSTERITY, NOW!
Sign Yamamoto, trade for Juan Soto?
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Josh Hader, some free agent later?
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Matt Chapman, more high-priced crap, man?
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Shohei Ohtani, some bearded Afghani?
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Lance Lynn, again and again?
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Jorge Soler, another high-roller?
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Let's not bother to spend to the moon!
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
They'll all perform the same under Boone.
Franchy Cordero and Willie Calhoun...
Note: Added from Doug K in the comments section...
If they follow that plan find me a saloon
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Cause I'll be up early and drinking by noon.
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
We will be 25 games back in June.
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Not viewing YES broadcasts anytime soon.
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
They're as painful as watching Kyle MacLachlan in Dune.
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
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15 comments:
If they follow that plan find me a saloon
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Cause I'll be up early and drinking by noon.
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
We will be 25 games back in June
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Not viewing YES broadcasts anytime soon.
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
They're as painful as watching Kyle MacLachlan in Dune.
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN!
Oh and Duque - really nice reach on "bearded Afghani". I was wondering how you were going to get out of that one. :)
Brilliant, Duque! Brilliant Doug K! (Hey, that even rhymed!)
How long before the Post gets rid of the comments section, as a few other Yankee blog sites have done? Cashman's fragile ego can't handle criticism and he has no supporters beyond Hal's inner circle.
A more central question in my mind: Will Hal cut off Cashman's access to the family trust and make him go dumpster diving; or, will he throw a lifeline to his entitled GM and let him buy another high ticket player, who will be broken by the incompetent training staff on the way to opening day?
It just makes you wonder what Cashman has on Hal, to keep him on payroll?
Hal doesn't want to be bothered learning how to properly manipulate a new GM. And possible a woman? Fuhgeddaboutit.
possiblY. That's a Y, damn it.
Not going to matter what the Post or Joel Sherman or Michael Kay says...not major will change...and if it does, I'll be the first to look surprised...
Doug - we should do a deeper dive into your Kyle MacLachlan in Dune lyric.
I’m curious….. :)
HAHAHAHA
Cashman joins in:
Lefty or righty it don't mean a thing
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
Just go for the fences on ev-ery swing
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
Joel Sherman's a woeful tool
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALOHOUN
Rather listen to Allen than more of that fool
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
The prices get higher, the team just gets worse
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
Cashman stays on like a gibbering curse
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
The bodies keep dropping as fast as they can
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
Joel Sherman still thinks there is some kind of plan
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
It's 24 - Where is Jack Bauer?
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
Only he can save us in this darker hour
FRANCHY CORDERO AND WILLIE CALHOUN
All the poetry here made me think of Blazing Saddles (to be honest, a LOT of things do):
Taggart: You use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
Hedley Lamarr: “My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought, cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.”
Hedley Lamarr: “I want you to round up every vicious criminal and gunslinger in the West. Take this down. I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists!”
I think Hedy has got us covered.
That's Hed-ly!
I bet if the old man was still around, Hal would be off in the corner mixing a batch spotted paint.
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