Obviously, we set the Wayback to 2001 and stop the world series loss to Arizona. But we don't bother with Luis Gonzalez or Catsup Curt. The previous winter, we don't let Boston acquire Manny Ramirez. That's the fulcrum point. If Manny goes to Boston, over the next eight years, he'll hit 274 HRs, bat .312, and drive us nuts. He'll kill The Curse. He'll be baseball's best pure hitter, a bamboo dart in our asses. We gotta stop him. How? FuckifIknow. You built the fucking time machine, fer kricesakes; so, figure out how to get Manny.
Which brings me to today's Epic Literary Point:
I believe we are near the Second Coming of Manny Ramirez. His name is Juan Soto. The Padres can't stomach his $33 million salary, and he'll demand even more next winter. The Yankees need him. He'll be a one-year NYC rental, a chance to size-up Gotham, and for Gotham to size-him up back.
Bottom line: We must acquire Soto, no matter how badly it hurts. He might be the baseball's best LH hitter. (Bryce Harper is another time machine issue, for another time machine.)
The great Mike Axisa of River Ave (subscription required) suggests the Death Barge could get Sojo for Michael King and three prospects, including Everson Pereira. Frankly, I dunno. I avoid trade speculations, which are always bogus. (Honestly, when MLB execs whine about critics, on the matter or trade speculation, they have a point.)
Whatever it takes, the Yanks must get Soto. He has all the trappings of the next Manny. He's not great in LF, he's sorta moody, and every at-bat is a three-act play. But the somabitch can hit.
Bat him third, and Aaron Judge adds 20 HRs. We might even salvage Giancarlo (who, sadly, we must keep.)
Make no mistake: Our worst holdover is not Stanton. It's Hal Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman, who face no accountability for the last two miserable years.
Hey... did I mention that I am from the future? I know things: Life is not fair. The sparrow is immortal. Taylor Swift is an alien. And Soto must be a Yankee. It simply must happen. Traders gotta trade...
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26 comments:
I we have a time machine, can we get King George a couple of hookers 8 months before HAL is born? Then do it again for Ca$hole's father (which might not be needed if the first time machine works). Then a couple more times for the hideous individuals named Selig and Manfred.
All of our lives would be orders of magnitude better.
*If* we have a time machine.
eYE bLaiM SpEl cZech.
“ Make no mistake: Our worst holdover is not Stanton. It's Hal Steinbrenner and Brian Cashman, who face no accountability for the last two miserable years.”
Truer weirds were never spoken.
We won't get Soto. He's not even on Cashtool's radar. Nor is Oh! Oh! Oh! Ohtani.
Going nowhere, doing nothing much, doing something stupid if anything at all is done.
Welcome to 2024. And then some.
Haiku Tuesday - SpEl cZech eeDishuN
2 0 2 4
SUCKS 2 SUCK & BLOWS 2 CHOKE
WE DESERVE MUCH MORE
San Diego needs salary relief.
Yu Darvish is already 37 years old and is owed close to 80 million dollars and is signed until 2028 when he will be 146 years old.
Soto and Darvish save them 43 million dollars in 2024 alone. Toss in Matt Carpenters 5M and that's the 50M that they are short.
Darvish becomes the #5 starter (until his arm falls off). Cut Carpenter in spring training.
If the Yankees agree to take the above three, the cost in players would be reduced. They should try to hang on to King and trade Schmidt instead.
Cole
Yamamoto
Nestor (until his arm falls off)
Rodan (until his arm falls off)
Darvish (until his arm falls off)
King - when any of the above's arm falls off)
That will do.
As far as Yankee related time machines go...
I go back to 1976 and tell myself not to bring my removable Panasonic AM/FM Cassette deck to the game if I'm going to park the FIAT 124 in the Yankee Stadium Garage.
Doug, How will your 1976 self react to your current self appearing to chit chat about about using mass transit instead?
I just want my tape deck back. For all the buzzers and whistles of my current car's "media center" the Panasonic had better sound. Or maybe I just played it a LOT louder.
Or you could still hear things better
@ Doug....I ruined many clutches when stoned and with my sound system cranked up back in the day. Using the clutch as a Vox Wah-Wah pedal while playing air guitar was the culprit.
Hal, Cashman, and the rest of the Bloated Front Office ™ are members of the Eloi while Yankee fans and patrons form the Morlocks.
The one advantage of Cashman's wrecking the farm system is that, often, the young, "can't miss" prospects he trades away are already so ruined that they never produce. This is not 100 percent—but true enough that I would risk dealing for Soto, if it's at all possible (which I very much doubt).
Of course, the moment Soto is on the Yankees, they will try to ruin him, but who knows? Maybe Judge will quietly steer him away from the team's coaches.
I think Doug's idea is pretty damned ingenious. Yeah, I would do that. It would also enable us to stick King back in the pen, where he is most needed.
As for 2001...I was seething at the time.
Manny was already a monster with the Indians. The Yanks signed Mussina instead. Why instead? Why not get both?
The scuttlebutt was that they were afraid Manny would start hanging out with his Washington Heights homies. Racist claptrap. Manny is Manny, period.
Also stupidly missed from that time: Big Papi (coulda had him for song, supposedly George wanted him, Cashie said no), and Vlad the Lad (Yanks claimed to have qualms over how he would do in the big city.) Yeah, I'm sure it would've been much more difficult for Vlad to adjust to a city where millions of people speak the same language, and the weather is much warmer. Oy.
It becomes pretty clear by now that that time machine should be used to go back and...convince Cashman he wants to go into his daddy's horse-swapping business. (Hey, I'm trying to be nice!)
Cash doin his best shitting in his bed impression with his Stanton comments...way to attract other free agents asshat
I dunno. I hate to ever cut a break for Cashie, who I loath with the white-hot fury of a thousand suns...but really, Cantrun's agent is THAT offended? Gimme a break. The guy hit .191 this year—and .211 last year. He really thinks NYC is the only place where he would get flak for that? Maybe he should try Boston, or Chicago—or anyplace other than Florida, where the fans don't care, and don't come out.
Genius Cashman could not wipe his behind properly, the man is a PUTZ!
True... but we know these players stand for each other and share agents (Stanton and Judge are buds) Word gonna go around (probably even from our Capt.) That the GM ain't shit. I just don't see how given the last 2 press conferences Cassh has done someone like Yamamoto is gonna want to sign
Ca$hman knew what he getting with Staton. He wasn’t the Cal Ripken of the NL. Have the balls to cut his ass and admit you fucked up, what a Dbag!
Apparently CantRun's agent is also representing Yamamoto.
Smarter than your average BEAR
AA,
1976. NYC. Mass transit?
Even Paul Kersey was reluctant to go there.
Fuck
Rufus - Mass transit in NYC in 76/77/78 was a blast
AA,
A derailment maybe.
Did you room with Bernie Goetz? Or Paul Kersey?
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