(Editors note: I am not sure about the wisdom of thrusting the following thoughts into the public domain. I don't know what it will accomplish - probably nothing - and the potential for disaster remains high.
It is with profound reluctance that I press on, but I feel that, in the pure-hearted interest of Plato's Allegory of the Cave, I have no choice. Let it be known that I apologize, in advance, if these following offends or antagonizes anyone associated with the New York Yankees.
With God as my witness, I do not mean to undermine or destroy a personal or public reputation. On that note, let us begin...)
Holy shit! Anthony Volpe is leading the AL in batting! Fukkinay! This could be his year!
Listen: All winter, we heard how Volpe was hanging around Tampa, studying films, batting off a tee, working to level his uppercut, blah blah blah. The usual crapola from guys who hit .209. The difference: Most converts happen at age 33, not 23, after they experience a total eclipse of their batting average. (See how I worked the eclipse into this? That's creative writing, folks!)Today - the 9th of April - ring the glory bell, light the fireworks, and let us gather on the hillsides to thank batting coach James Rowson, or Cooperstown Cashman, or Aaron Boone, or the ghost of Charlie Lau, or the juju gods - definitely the juju gods - or whomever you think is responsible - aside from Dillon Lawson, the pariah whom the Yankees fired last season, because, hey, somebody had to go - because, as stated above, Volpe leads the AL in hitting!
Okay, look: I am not a bumpkin. I realize that Volpe will not hit .417. That number is trick of small samples, a practical joke being played on every breathing citizen of the Yankiverse. Volpe is 15 for 36, that's all. Last night, his 3-run HR put down Miami like a rabid chihuahua. Right now, Volpe is protecting Giancarlo, setting up Verdugo, and bringing hope to the third of the lineup that has been effectively eclipsed (!) for the last four years.
Okay, I know what you're thinking: You idiot, you did it, you jinxed him! Have you no shame? Yeah, maybe so. But I'm done waving mirrors at this team. We need to know which Volpe we've got - the one who banged at every level of the minors, or the Rob Deer clone who swung for the fences all last year? What do we have at SS? How how long will this amazing event of nature last?
With Volpe as a hitter - I'm thinking closer to .270 than .400 - the Yankees present a dramatically improved lineup, maybe the best batting order in the AL. Do we dare hope? I'm calling the cards to the juju gods. Don't tease us. Is this burst of shining sunlight for real? Shoot me, but I say... it is.
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25 comments:
At some point if he keeps hitting for high average they need to swap him with Torres. That’s the real test, Volpe will get pitched to with Soto and Judge behind him in a way they aren’t now. Torres has some thump in his bat, let him try to drive guys in fro. The 6th hole.
Okay, I don't want to jinx this any more than it's already jinxed, but Volpe is batting .417.
4...1...7.
These are mystical numbers in the Yankeeverse. Avoid looking at them without the proper protective glasses. Read them backwards: 7...1...4.
714. The Babe. Legitimately eclipsed (ta da) only by Henry Aaron.
And also, when you include the postseason, the 1998 Yankees' winning percentage was---yes, you're right: .714.
Sure, Volpe isn't going to hit .417 all season. That would be impossible. Wouldn't it?
WOULDN'T IT?
Haiku Tuesday ~ “It takes two to Eclipse, Baby!” edition
Volpe on the brain
Rodon goes for Ten and Two
Watcha Gonna Deux
H.T ~ PT 2:
Universe in Flux
And Boone is still a Putz so
Please don’t Fuck it up
Just enjoy the ride!
He's got the talent to hit .300, although it's hard to see him hitting that high this year, simply because it would be a jump of 90 points. But if he really puts it together, there's nothing that says he can't hit .300 this year. If he continues to hit the other way, and keep his swing level, he will hit .300.
And to be fair to Hal and The Genius, they said Volpe is The Yankees Shortstop and stuck with him, through his highs and lows. Ed
It's, it's like he's living in a powder keg and shooting off sparks!
No?
All right.
But loved "like a rabid chihuahua," Duque!
Your faith in Volpe gladdens me, Duque. Negative juju has not done the job for us. It's time to switch gears. Lead us out of darkness.
The blind man keeps hitting. The last several days have been the best stretch of his Yankee career. How's he doin' it? Can he see or is he blind?
Courtesy of Black Sabbath:
I am Gi-An-Car-lo
Has he lost his mind?
Can he see or is he blind?
Can he walk at all
Or if he moves will he fall?
Is he alive or dead?
Has he thoughts within his head?
We'll just pass him there
Why should we even care?
He was turned to steel
In the great magnetic field
When he traveled time
For the future of mankind
Nobody wants him
He just stares at the world
Planning his vengeance
That he will soon unfurl
Now the time is here
For Gi-An-Car-lo to spread fear
Vengeance from the grave
Kills the people he once saved
Nobody wants him
They just turn their heads
Nobody helps him
Now he has his revenge
Heavy boots of lead
Fill his victims full of dread
Running as fast as they can
Gi-An-Car-lo lives again!
And courtesy of Iron Maiden, from The Number of the Beast album:
I am not a blind man
I AM GIANCARLO!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
God, Hammer - - - you may have nailed it.
And Stang, an 8 inning two hitter today from Rodon will go a long way in turning our frowns . . . upside down.
In addition, our tailors are standing by to measure you for your Presidential suits. The only question they had for me is whether you'd prefer a two or three button style.
And lettuce close with this:
“President Trump, he’s my friend,” Rivera said. “I can’t deny that. I will tell that to anyone. Before he was the president, he was my friend. Because of that, I’m going to vote for him.”
You might as well just come out and say that the yankees are 8-2 and on a roll.
Alphonso - the yankees are 9 and 2 heading into tonight's game.
Without a time machine and some pretty bad intentions - there's really not much that can be done about it.
So I say BRING ON! the TEN and OH 2024 New York Yankees!
(Don't stay in a bad place
Where they don't care how you are
Everyone says hi)
Luke Weaver leads the majors in wins.
Lies, damn lies, and statistics.
Did I miss something, or is there a valid reason for Cabrera to be out 2 games in a row?
Copeleius,
The reasons are several. The ANALytical dept. told them to do it. Ca$hole is the smartest (asshole) in the room -- just ask him, he's playing 5D chess. Boonie will do whatever will keep his $5MM a year job.
Either that or Cabrera has a torn UCL, and they'll let us know in a month or so, just before the surgery.
I'm sorry, I know you wanted an honest answer, but you won't get that from the Yankees either
Rodent is doing okay.
I just can't listen to Justin Shackil. Post John, he seems inevitable. Guess I'll become a connoisseur of opposition broadcasts.
Yankees Win!!!
I am sticking with my preseason predictions.
https://johnsterling.blogspot.com/2024/03/a-distressed-and-disillusioned.html
Enjoy the warm wash of hopefullness. Like when the hot girl in 6th grade said hello to you. You were so excited because she already had tits. (well raisins) Just remember, she will be the hulking field hockey goalie in high school by the time this season is over, when her only positive attributes will be no teeth and multiple sets of cleavage.
"No teeth and multiple sets of cleavage"...aka "The Three True Outcomes"
This rank enthusiasm must end!!!
@ Publius, Justin Shakil is about the blandest, most boring announcer they could've found anywhere. He does a decent enough job of describing the action, but man, what's he got that a zillion other play by play guys don't have? Put some life into it, dude!
@ Rufus, "Like when the hot girl in 6th grade said hello to you. You were so excited because she already had tits. (well raisins) Just remember, she will be the hulking field hockey goalie in high school by the time this season is over, when her only positive attributes will be no teeth and multiple sets of cleavage."
You know, hot/hulking/6th grade brings back a memory from way back in my misspent youth. The 5th grade teacher had us line up in front of the class. I had to turn around and move back for some reason or other. And I did a face plant right into the armpit area of a very tall blond Viking Amazon girl. The tallest student in the class by far. And her blouse was wet! I mean soaked with armpit sweat. And now my face, and especially my nose, was soaked with her armpit sweat. Immediately, I got a raging erection. She had teeth, with normal cleavage, must've been over six feet tall. I wonder what happened to her. Maybe she became a college basketball star.
I didn't know it at the time, but since then, I found out that female armpit sweat contains pheromones that cause raging erections in guys. Not that I've got an armpit fetish or anything, I don't, but if all those poor guys buying Viagra knew about this, Viagra would be out of business.
The thing about armpit sweat is that the girl has to eschew applying anti-perspirant under her pits. With the popularity of anti-perspirant these days, I don't know if the girls realize that they're erasing a powerful natural stimulant. Napoleon used to write letters to his chick Josephine that he was coming home, so "don't wash". That guy was a bit over 5 feet tall, maybe Josephine was like six inches taller?
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