That's because super agent Scott Boras, a scion of dicksmanship brinksmanship, will string out the bidding until March, if necessary, to squeeze extra bacon from the piglets billionaires. Moreover, he won't accept a deferred payment plan, as Shohei Ohtani did with the Dodgers, because, in this case, there isn't an entire country picking up the tab with endorsements.
That leaves the Death Barge to either wait patiently until Soto's decision, or to start collecting the usual all-stars from five years ago - Alex Bregman, Paul Goldschmidt, Whit Merrifield, your mom - with each expenditure undermining Food Stamp's willingness to chase the generational talent.
I mean, if we sign Bregman - banging that celebratory garbage can lid - would anyone believe Hal would also pry Soto away from Steve Cohen, the Dodgers, or Rogers Communications? Sorry, folks, but the spittle trail from Hal's clenched grimace will tell everyone he's bluffing, hoping to finish second, so he can whinny, "O, shucks!" and toss in his cards.
In the modern era, the Yankees are pretty good at finishing second, or as Bert Parks would say, "first runner-up."
With or without Soto, Cooperstown Cashman must either find a 2B to replace Gleyber, or hold a spring training contest between Oswald/Oswaldo and the fantasy mite, Caleb Durbin, who is currently hitting .296 in the Arizona Fall League. We may love Durbin, a credit to his Altuvian size (5'6") and spirit, but let's not kid ourselves: He's a stretch. They all are.
Likewise, CF. If Soto jumps, that probably pushes Aaron Judge back to RF - (where he belongs) - and leaves us with, what? The Martian in CF? Quick question: Did you happen to see Jasson Dominguez in September? My God. Calgon Bath Oil Beads, take me away! He was so awful in the field that Boone went with the disappointing Alex Verdugo - .233 and 13 HRs - through the playoffs. (And, to be honest, Doogie made what should have been a great play of the modern era, somersaulting like Jeter into the LF seats, a moment destined to last - um -two minutes? Sad.)
Well, ya know what? I fukkin dunno what to do. But I know this: The Yankees desperately need Soto, and in the old days, before nepo baby Hal and the Marxist luxury taxes, we'd get him. These days, no guarantees. The Mets are already the superior team in NYC, and Cohen could go wild and sign both Soto and - say - Pete Alonzo. Hal will never do such a thing. Money doesn't grow on trees, people.
And I don't care how hopeful we want to be: 2025 looks like a long, hard, downward slog, with everything long, hard and drawn-out. And if we do sign somebody soon, it probably just means the big prize - the one that matters - is off the table.
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I'm very confident that Hal will not sign Soto or make a reasonable attempt to do so. Why am I so confident about this? Well, I think almost all IIHIIHIIC readers realize that Hal is a cheapskate and a disinterested owner the way almost all here know that Trump is a fascist and will end democracy as we know it. Hey, no complaining.....democracy had a great run of 248 years!
So, we must judiciously trade and utilize the "stars" down on the farm, mixing in a few smart free-agent signings. The problem is that Cashman is neither judicious nor smart, which we've also known from his tenure over a generation as the GM. As the Bleacher Report's Zachary D. Rymer writes about the problem of trading 2 pitchers to the Brewers for closer Devin Williams:
"Trade Proposal: New York Yankees get RHP Devin Williams; Milwaukee Brewers get RHP Will Warren, LHP Brock Selvidge (Yankees No. 6)."
"The Yankees' problem is they're short on valuable trade chips. They don't have much in the way of expendable MLB talent, and their farm system is the second-worst in MLB."
Let's face it gang- 2025 will be a very memorable year.
This comment has been removed by the authorities is now hiding under the bed waiting for the scary noises outside to stop.
Dominguez was a cf in the minors, maybe playing him out of position in left was the problem?
Sign Soto but make him a starting pitcher in addition to RF. I bet Jazz can pitch, too.
It's time to maximize value from our coddled players. Why can't Stanton learn first base? Hell, he's tall enough, and there's not a lot of call for fast running there. Problems solved.
Pitching might be the answer for Dominguez, too. And when he's not pitching, he can DH with Stanton now at first. Really, is learning how to pitch really harder than catching fly balls? I think not. My new mantra is, if Ohtani can do it, we've got five other guys who can do it, too.
Get rid of Stroman for whatever we can get. Same with Rodent. Same with Nestor the knuckleheaded.
It's past time for Cashman to get more creative with the players he has. Promote more guys from Scranton--even if they end up on the shuttle, back and forth. Give them a break and Hal, too. They're cheap.
And fuck, anybody can throw a knuckler and keep throwing it until they're 45. Time to get the boys to Tampa and start learnin' 'em. They'll be ready by April.
I guarantee fun in '25, if not necessarily success. Let's go, already.
Would like to see the team make an honest attempt to pry Brian Reynolds from the Pirates. Not a superstar, just a more than solid everyday player whose reasonable contract shouldn’t prevent us from pursuing Soto. Dominguez is probably not a burgeoning star. Getting Reynolds would take a lot of young talent, but most young players don’t pan out anyway. The Pirates have been frequent trade partners for us in the past and could be amenable to the right deal.
When he first botched a few plays in LF, I wondered if that was the problem. But it didn't seem to get better, and it's a hell of a gamble, if he fails.
Leaked internal communications indicate that the "climate is now ripe" to move forward and start "manufacturing" our players from the DNA samples that have been secretly taken and stored over the past 20 years. "Project Pettingly" (as the enterprise was affectionately named for the 23 pairs of chromosomes, 46 total in each human cell) was not intended to move forward until the mid 2030s. However it is now believed that they can fast track their first prototype (code-named the Jetenome 2.22) and have IT game ready by the start of the 2028 season. More to come......
The good news is that the rest of the AL is going to suck. Think of the historical significance of the possibility of every team finishing at .500.
On another note, this country survived Britian (twice), a Civil War, two world wars, and a host of modern-day Republican would-be dictators, and we will survive He Who Must Not Be Named, too. It's Hal, The Intern, and Boooooone who are the real threats to our collective psyches.
This little comment cried "wee wee wee" all the way home. I say, put them all in some kind of little league training program. Field ground balls and pop-ups, learn bunting again - oh Scooter, wherefore art thou? - base running, sliding, stealing, etc. MAKE THE PITCHERS RUN. Do all the shit that new guys do in order to play the game.
But seriously, ladies and germs, can't Stanton learn to play first? I mean, that would help a lot.
Could you play first base with both of your legs encased in cement? Same thing . . .
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