Suddenly, the icky feeling returns

It doesn't take much to knock me off the band wagon. A nudge or a bump along the trail, and I'm flying into the bog. It's Yankee fan P.T.S.D. - the sudden urge to hide behind the couch and watch a network sitcom. It's the dead-on, absolute certainty that the Yanks will lose, and that I have been somehow transformed into a fan of Two Broke Girls, which is like being Kafka's cockroach, but with lower self-esteem. I felt it last night.

I can't explain it. But in just the way that we looked like winners for a week, last night you saw the garbage barge spewing purple smoke and headed back to port. No hits through five, a scratch single, and then a monstrous fielding gaffe by the one guy here for his glove... and suddenly, it was 2011-2016, and Jayson Nix was throwing to Lyle Overbay all over again. 

Listen: An eight-game winning streak is a banner way to celebrate the spring sap erections of April. But it's also a balloon waiting to be popped. As Alphonso pointed out, last night we were suddenly subjected to a rerun of Two Broke Boys - the marshmallow-tipped spear of Brett Gardner and Jacoby Ellsbury atop our lineup. I thought that twosome had been sealed in amber and mailed to Zambezi, but there they were - a Seussian Out 1 and Out 2, speed-dialing through the first six innings.

And of course, that helped conjure the bottom third of our lineup - the Black Hole of Calcutta, which we've come to know well in recent years. Last week, you had the volatile Aaron Judge or the born-again Chase Headley down there, waiting to strike. Last night, it was Romine, Torreyes and Kozma (oh my) - and not enough pinch-hitters to strike early. It was a bottom third like all the others that have made this, thus far, the worst decade in Yankee history.

Last year, when he couldn't hit a lick, Headley was benched three times in the April. (I looked it up.) Last night, leading the team in hitting, he sat out his first game of 2017. I suppose everybody needs a rest. Still, it fits the main bugaboo about Joe Girardi - he benches hot players because of some computer print-out, which means he has traded his instincts for algorithms. One thing we know about Girardi's software: It doesn't take into account the streakiness of hitters. And we are a team of streaky hitters.

One certainty of 2017 was that we'd know early on if this team was worth a piss. Nobody argues that Pineda, Headley, Gardy, Ellsbury et al will need a half season to get their bearings. They'll either do the job or disappear. Thus far, they have done the job. But the streak is over, and in recent years, the Yankees usually matched winning stretches with collapses. Now, we'll see. I'll be watching from behind the couch.

Bad Plan, Joe

The minute I saw the line-up today, I knew we weren't going to score more than 2 runs.  Like last year, when 2 runs was our most common production on offense.

When we trot out Gardy and Jacoby in the 1,2 slots, something goes limp.  They have been awful for years, batting in those positions.  The logic was decent, but the results never were.  And it is contagious.

If you look at the winning streak, what made it work was other combinations at the top the order.  Sanchez hitting second, Hicks hitting second, Jacoby batting 5th, sometimes 4th.

But Joe went back to the original, " this will make us impotent" binder, and dialed up Gardy, followed by Jacoby.  And our offense went south.

Immediately came the strikeouts, the groundouts and the fly balls.  Immediately came 12 straight Yankees, down in order, with the perfect game broken only by an infield slow-roller to the middle.

Don't ever do this again, Joe.

It is an antiquated plan, doomed to fail.

Burn that fucking line-up.

We need the " slash and dash,"  the excitement, the reasons to hope.

Not the same boring old crap that has always failed us.

We have a better chance of being hit by lighting, but...

I think I heard Kay say that the Yanks record is starting a season with 10 in a row at home. Nine possible tonight (but it is Severino, so I'm not holding my breath, although I will if it helps the juju). We're playing like it's 1998. Everyone who sucked the past couple of years is great. Headley is tied for the AL batting lead. The baling-wire-and-masking-tape starting rotation is amazing. The bullpen is the best in MLB. Judge is hitting now, Bird is hitting now. And we don't even have Sanchez and Didi yet.


I'm trying to enjoy this, but it's hard with the weight of inevitability crushing down on me. Still, does anyone else remember that year....'86, maybe?...that the Tigers came out of the gate and went 25-4 or some ungodly skein. Their lead was so large after just over a month that nobody could catch them the rest of the year.

Joe's binders will tell you that the games in April don't really matter. Horseshit. You can ride April into October just playing .500 or so the rest of the year. If you suck in April, you create a mountain Chatwin couldn't climb. (He did climb mountains, didn't he? I have a faint recollection...) That's what happened last year.

At the start of Spring Training, it was clear that this team was the ultimate Lotto ticket. The odds were not in its favor, but man, if they were lucky and good enough, and everything clicked at once...

Stop me before I get horribly disappointed by the All Star break.

Comeback lines

“I knew I couldn’t start the way I started last year...” Mr. Headley discusses the comeback.

"The big thing is, it’s about learning which off-speed pitches to swing at...”  Mr. Judge ponders his comeback.

“I just try to be up there and do my job." Mr. Castro talks about his comeback.

“It’s confidence and throwing with conviction. I’m throwing more strikes.’’ Mr. Warren remarks on his comeback.

"Richard Simmons was hospitalized on Monday at an undisclosed location... After a few days of battling severe indigestion and discomfort while eating, we agreed it was best for him to seek treatment.” Mr. Breaking News discusses a potential calamity.

Winning, winning, winning... oh dear, it's just so tiresome

Keeping with our grand IT IS HIGH tradition, let's come to grips with the downside of winning eight in a row.

1. Your team always have to pitch a full nine innings. Thus, extra wear-and-tear on bullpen. NOT FAIR!

2. You start watching other scores and checking standings. Blah.

3. Your underwear starts to reek, because UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU CHANGE IT.

4. Headley goes 1-4, sinking his batting average below .400. What the hell is wrong with him?!

5. You have to miss important television shows, such as I-Zombie and Ice Road Truckers, because the game will be on.

6. The constant, unrelenting sex.

7. Having to maintain proper dour attitude and finding fault in something new that Cashman did. (The Scranton team has no decent first-baseman! WHO IS RUNNING THIS SHOW?) 

8. If this keeps up, we won't draft high, we won't be able to dump veterans this July, and we'll lose our ranking as a top farm system.

9. You start pondering strange connections. (Example: Eight wins, eight guys Arkansas is trying to execute. What does this mean?)

10. Sense of otherworldly terror in seeing Alphonso writing hopefully. Does this mean world is coming to end? Because that would just be typical around here: We start winning, and the world ends. This thing with North Korea better not become a full-blown WWIII, not with the Yankees on a winning streak. But we haven't lost since the bombing of Syria, since that positve NYTimes thumbsucker on Cashman, and since the blood sacrifice of James Kaprielian. Should we bomb another country? Should the Daily News write a Cashmanic biography? Do we need to kill another prospect? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WIN EIGHT IN A ROW. YOU GO MAD.

Nine, please.

It Doesn't Seem Possible

I know from experience that El Duque is sleep walking in a major " hang-over" condition.

His posting, I suspect, was done way in advance and, "scheduled," because he didn't trust me ( the others came through ) to " cover for him."

But we celebrate on the coast, also.   True, we couldn't crowd into a garage with 1000 teenagers and just scream for 8 hours ( last night's Sheer Mag concert in Syracuse), but someone has to go to the LA Symphony, in the Hollywood bowl.

But I digress;

Is it possible ( it doesn't seem so, I know ) that I was wrong about Greg Bird's foot?  He hit yesterday like a skinny Lou Gehrig.  And his defense " sings" of "Donnie Baseball's"  best days.

Is it possible that Pineda has, " found his groove?"

Is it possible that Romine is a first rate, starting catcher?

Is it possible that Ronald Torreyes is related to Phil Rizzuto?

And is it possible that Hicks looks more comfortable in CF than Jacoby?

Anything, I gather, is possible.

Feel better Duque.  It was supposed to be a blast.

Here's What's Great

Seven wins in a row.  Seven.

Chase Headley is playing out of his head.  He has a .531 OBP.

Aaron Hicks, after a demoralizing 2016 campaign is contributing.

Ditto Ellsbury.

Michael Pineda has shown consistency.  Just using the words "Pineda" and "consistency" in the same sentence before 2017 would have been laughable.  It may still be but, over the past two starts, he's been consistently excellent.  If he wins his next one, he can wear his hat any way he wants.

CC crafted what could be called a "fine performance by an aging veteran".  Watching him on Saturday was like watching a 72-year-old carpenter building a nice bookcase in your formal den, taking time to add a few subtle flourishes just because he thought they might look nice.  

Aaron Judge is a physical specimen.  I look forward to his at bats. The man was down 0-2, fought back to a full count, and then hit a homer that some dipshit fan misplayed for him into a triple.

But it didn't matter, because Bird was the next batter and he hit a towering home run.  Even if it's for one game only, Bird looks like he regained his stroke.  His OBP last night was 1.000.

We don't seem to miss the loss of two players everyone thought of as our best — Gregorius and Sanchez — because their replacements, Torreyes and Romine, have stepped up and done the job.  When we have all these guys back, jeez, this is going to be fun.

But what's the greatest part?

Jordan Montgomery is pitching tonight.  I am truly excited and looking forward to seeing what he can do.  If he hangs in there and is the gamer he appears to be, man, this is going to be fun.  Here's a quote from him that appeared in yesterday's NY Post.  He was asked, "What is you mound mentality?":

Just try and be as aggressive as I can. Be in attack mode the whole time I’m out there, and just go after the hitters, not try and nibble, but just trust my work, trust my preparation and if I do it right the ball’s gonna go where it’s supposed to. If you’re touchy-feely with it, the wheels are gonna come off quick.

In my next business meeting, I'm going to say "If you're touchy-feely with it, the wheels are gonna come off quick."  People will be impressed.  

I want this guy on my team.   I want this team on my team.  

I am looking forward to tonight's game like I haven't looked forward to a game in a few years.

Yowsah.  Next up is Yogi's number.

Which, by the way, is great.

When it's going good... Yanks even beat the curse of national TV

I don't have to tell anyone how much the world can change in a week. Last Monday, the Yankees were on life-support, and United Airlines didn't offer free coach service beat-downs. By next Monday, we could be at war with North Carolina, Taylor Swift might have said something, and who knows, this hangover might be over.

Why lie? I missed last night, benched by manager Joe for an old-fashioned punk-ass rock show. If any of you ever get a chance to see Sheer Mag, you will be witnessing the preeminent eighties power-pop garage punk skuzz band on this planet, and with a show that makes Bruce Springsteen look like Rick Springfield, and feel free to tell them you know me, because they cannot deny it with a straight face. 

All I know is the Yankees actually played on national TV and didn't disgrace themselves, which over the years, they have managed to do quite consistently. I can't back this up with stats - hell, we use sentences here, not cheap-ass algorithms - but it seems like every April, the Yankees go on ESPN and fall apart like a Nicolas Cage movie. Last night looked to be a prime time Easter Sunday disaster, especially with Michael Pineda - The Man Who Was Traded for Jesus - taking the mound. 

I direct you to the rollicking comments section for wrap ups and analysis. I consider you to be the most dynamic, knowledgeable and passionate peanut gallery in the Yankiverse. 

Truth be told, I only got to see two at bats last night. Betances was pitching in the eighth, and I watched him walk the then-tying run into scoring position. It looked like a classic meltdown, and somewhere in an ESPN nerve center, some Redsockian editor was licking his chops, cuing up clips of Dellin getting whacked last September. And then Betances threw three pitches so wicked that they could have grown warts, and that was - as Stephen Hawking would theorize - THAT. Strike one. Strike two. Strike three. Cue the Easter bunny.

We play the White Sox and Pirates, and then we go to Boston. Three night games against the Redsocks, one on ESPN. What are the odds that we'll see Chris Sale? A thousand percent. I don't care. That's a week away. By then, who knows where we'll be? 

Sheer Mag tonight in Syracuse

My sons' band - Sheer Mag - is playing tonight in Syracuse. Afterward, they'll come over to the house, and we might have a drink or two. 

As a result, my daily report on the Yankees tomorrow could be delayed. Or impaired. Or rendered incoherent.

Alphonso? John? LBJ? KD? Bern? Bill White? Mustang? Anybody... can you cover for me? 

I assume we will win, and I will hold you all accountable if I'm wrong.

The Classic Bad Teammate

It's the talented rookie who insists on playing, while injured.

The guy who covers up his injury, so as not to lose his spot.

A player unwilling to sit down, and be honest about an injury, because he " wants to play."

The person who thinks his "toughness" will be honored, if he plays while hurt.

Meanwhile;  he can't hit and he can't run.

He, unintentionally, aggravates a minor injury until it becomes a "consuming " injury.

Soon, he is under the knife for something that, with proper rest, would have healed.

He misses his second consecutive season.

An asshole, in truth.

If Greg Bird can't run, he should sit

I don't know why Greg Bird jogged to first yesterday, after he finally put his bat on a ball and walloped a routine infield grounder. But he did his best impression of Joggy Cano, strolling down the line and savoring each step, as if that old song by Mac Davis, "Stop and Smell the Roses," was playing in his head.

My assumption is that Bird was running gingerly because his ankle is hurt, and if so, I have to ask a simple stupid fan question: Why is he playing? 

Because it's April, the whole season is ahead of us, and right now, Bird looks like a Godzilla monster in Korea who is channeling the movements of a drunk Anne Hathaway - (which is actually the plot of a current movie; see? read this blog and you stay cool.) 

Bird won the IT IS HIGH/Geico 2017 Grapefruit Heisman Trophy for clubbing seven homers and leading the team in hitting. Then on the first of April, he was magically replaced by his evil twin. Yesterday afternoon, Bird actually became a trending topic on Twitter, when his batting average fell to .042, a symbolic tribute to Jackie Robinson. Because he's been nursing a bad foot, the Yankees rested him for a few days, playing the Yang to his Yin, Chris Carter. (Together, they have struck out 21 times over 11 games.) It doesn't seem to have worked. Bird is still struggling, and late yesterday, he jogged out a grounder.

Listen: I'm not suggesting the kid needs to be benched, replaced or sent to Scranton. He is 1 for 26 on the season, and he'll needs 200 at bats before we start to fear the worst. But if he can't run to first, he should be resting the foot, because this is not working for anybody.

And if he just didn't run to first, because he's lost and depressed - well, he ought to have a talk with Brett Gardner. It's a long season. The Yankees need Greg Bird, the whole package. 

Stealing A Win

There is no way we can be accused of legitimately beating the Cards today.

I stopped counting how many times Yankees struck out.

For the first few innings, no Yankee put the ball in play.

We had a desperate lineup;

1.  Resting Aaron Judge, who was beginning to flail (again) at pitches in the dirt.

2.  Resting Romine, who homered and had two hits yesterday ( per Joe's strategy of never going with the hot hand.)

3.  Playing Bird, who I am now convinced has an injured ( unhealed ) foot problem and, as a result, cannot get his " legs under him" for quality at-bats.  Hence, he is 1-28, and left 5 guys ( minimum ) stranded on the bases today  as he missed pitches by a foot.

4.  Not having Halliday as our DH.  I think he tried too hard yesterday to impress his former teammates, and hurt his back swinging ferociously and futilely.

5.  Not having either Betances or Chapman available.

I mean CC pitched as though he was alive and well.  And the hitless, rookie catcher handled his duties to CC well.  Other guys ( mostly Jacoby ) contributed but, without the 8 walks, 2 errors, and poor fielders choice decisions by the Cards, I don't think we get by.

We stole the win and avoided incarceration.

Pretty good day.

The Kaprelian blood sacrifice now up to...

Bird celebration of Jackie Robinson trends on Twitter

Holy Cow, did you see this video of Mick, Yogi, Whitey & Moose singing 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' on the Ed Sullivan Show with the guy who wrote 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame?'

I know, it's from the Yes Network site, but still.

For the record: Ponder this next time Hal pleads poverty

Last week, Forbes estimated the value of the New York Yankees at $3.7 billion, nearly a billion dollars more than the second most valuable baseball team in America, the Dodgers.

That doesn't take into account the Steinbrenners' personal wealth from selling their majority shares of the YES network, several years ago, to Rupert Murdoch.

Each family member is certainly a billionaire, probably several times over. They will never in their lives feel the slightest financial pinch. To call them "super-rich" is an understatement. They are not the 1 percent. They are the .0001 percent. 

This doesn't make them evil. It does not make them our enemy. They were born into this wealth, and that's all they know. 

But whenever Harold Zieg Steinbrenner - known as Hal - laments the need to cut salary and avoid those horrible luxury taxes, we simply must remember that he is merely playing a parlor game for his own amusement. 

If Jacoby Ellsbury's contract is a waste of money, it's not the player who should be booed. 

If the Yankees are not competitive, it's not the players who should get booed. 

Just sayin'... 

Five in a row, baby, feelin' groovy!

Hello, lamp posts, what'cha knowin'? I come to watch yer flowahs growin'! Aincha got no whymz for me. Deedleedeeedee-... I'M WALKIN' ON SUNSHIIII, WOOOOAH, I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHIIII, WHOOOOAH, I'M WALKIN ON SUNSHIII, WOAHHHO, AND DOE NIT FEEL GOOOOOOH!

Oh?! You surprised me! Sorry about that. I was just enjoying a little "me" time. The 2017 Golden Snowball-winning Syracuse sunshine (not to be confused with "golden showers") is radiant, the birds are chirping, the IBS lady is in the shed, winterizing the snow-blower, and THE YANKEES HAVE WON FIVE IN A ROW, BABY, FIVE. 

Turned out, all we needed to do was sacrifice one itzy-bitzy pitching prospect (James Kaprielian) to the juju gods, and we wouldn't even miss Gary Sanchez and Didi Watzizname. Considering that we have a boatload of youngsters toiling down in the minors, we should be able to keep up the juju sacrifices all season. I am upgrading my official IIHIIFIIc projection to 88 wins, a wild card challenger. 

We are in second place, a game and a half behind Buck's Cucks, and one game ahead of the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM).

Good grief, all is groovy. 

Wait. Did you know that:

Tyler Wade, playing nearly full-time shortstop, is leading the International League in hitting at .481? He is 13-27 with four stolen bases. Ruben Tejada is third at .438. (But Carrot Top Clint Frazier is at .217. That's why The Master doesn't put stock in batting averages during April.) 

Luis Cessa, at Scranton, has yet to give up a run? The entire season, not one run! He's thrown 7 innings, yielded six hits and struck out six. He was always the guy most likely to claim that fifth starter slot - (until "the River" Jordan Montgomery came along) - and now, Luis is finding his groove.

Thairo Estrada, a 21-year-old infielder at Trenton, is hitting .389 and slowly wriggling his way into Gleyber territory. He impressed the clipboards in camp, whacked a couple dingers - (don't make me think you have dirty minds) - and if he has a breakout season - yeah, that "IF" word, always fun - it would give us huge leverage for the future. Last year in Tampa, he hit .290 and was overlooked by the YES-press-mess machine. (By the way, Gleyber Torres, age 20, is hitting .267. But it's too soon to think about batting averages, right?)

I don't want to shortchange the juju sacrifice that we made by sending young Kaprielian to those bitter, cheap-suited, no-name, middle-management gods. Scroll down on this site, and you will see a long list of Yankee pitchers who, since 2006, have undergone Tommy John surgery. What leaps out is that most of them are names you've never heard. They were young men with incredible futures - the stars of their high school or college teams - who one day felt a twinge in their elbow, and their dreams blew up like a Mento in a Pepsi bottle. On the entire list, only one pitcher has ever really rebounded to have a great career - Mark Melancon - and it didn't happen until he was well into his fourth team. All the others were never the same pitcher. Let's light a candle for Kaprielian - and Rumbelow... and Goody... and Lindgren and DeCarr, et al... but when Tommy John knocks, he usually brings along a career counselor.  

Five in a row. CC today. In the name of Kaprielian, and in the spirit of Simon, Garfunkle, Katrina and her waves... let's make it six.

50 Basis Points

I have been expressing concern for our rookie, Bird, and his injured foot.

The Yankees, in my view, rushed him back for yesterday's game.

I do understand that Carter is not physically fit to play 162 games, given that he was 

signed as a back-up.  

So Bird, naturally, told everyone, " I'm ready.  I'm good."  Otherwise, we'll be seeing Romine at

 first ( with Beltran out of the picture).

Let's hope he is an honest young man,  and understands the implications of a nagging and lingering injury, as opposed to toughing his way through another game at the stadium.

If he is 100% healthy, then I will happily shut-up about that.

However, he went 0-4 with 3 strike outs.  I didn't get to see them, but strike outs rarely make a player look good.

He is hitting .050

In my terms, that is 50 basis points.  Like what Banks now pay on your Savings.

Something ain't right.

Who was going to be greatest? A look at the fallen Yankee soldiers slain by the murderous hands of Tommy John

We couldn't wait to see him.

Yesterday, the Gray Lady noted that James Kaprielian is the 15th Yankee pitcher since 2014 to need Tommy John surgery - and 15 minutes can save you big in car insurance! - according to a database kept by a writer named Jon Roegele.

(Only the Indians have had more, with 17. The Mets have 14.)

Here is the Yankee list of TJ victims, going way back to 2006:

James Kaprielian

Nathan Eovaldi

Ty Hensley

Ivan Nova

Jacob Lindgren 

Tyler Cloyd 

Brandon Pinder

Nick Rumbelow

Chaz Herbert

Sergio Santos

Joe Harvey

Chase Whitley

Austin DeCarr

Domingo German

Vincente Campos

Nick Goody

Andrew Brackman

Joshua Rogers

Joba Chamberlian

Caleb Frare

Manny Banuelos

Sean Carley

Conner Mullee

Andrew Chin

Corey Black

Christian Morris

Christian Garcia

George Kontos

Mark Melancon

So, the question is, who was gonna be the greatest? 

The answer, of course, must be based on the truest barometer of Yankee greatness - YES team/public relations conventional consensus hype. 

Thus, players like Nick Goody, Nick Rumbelow and Brandon Pinder fall short: Not enough superlatives. Also, I'm dropping Nathan Eolvaldi, Joba Chamberlain, Ivan Nova and Mark Melancon - who had decent careers, even if they weren't what we wanted.

I'm boiling it down to six candidates, like the Oscars. And the nominees are... (in alphabetical order):

Manny Banuelos: Compared to Ron Guidry, roared through the system, led the "Killer B's," fiery competitor, incredible composure, was truly gonna be great!

Andrew Brackman: Former first-rounder, the tallest Yankee pitcher in memory; was drafted despite needing TJ surgery, led the "Killer B's," had a cup of coffee, was truly gonna be great!

Vincente Campos (formerly Jose Campos): Part of the famous Jesus Montero/Michael Pineda deal, some experts called it "the Jose Campos" deal; hard-thrower, was truly gonna be great!
Ty Hensley: Former first-rounder, Texan who invoked comparisons to Roger Clemens, had a shoulder injury, then another injury, then got in a fight with a linebacker, then another injury, was truly gonna be great!

James Kaprielian: Former first-rounder, a consensus early pick, missed most of last year, was expected to shoot through system, maybe reach Yanks this year, was truly gonna be great!

Jacob Lindgren: Former top pick (not first round), one of the first of his class to reach the majors; was lights out in college, unhittable in minors, was truly gonna be great!

And the winner is... obviously: Nobody was ever going to be greater than Brackman. That 6'11" frame, the fact that he hardly ever pitched and already needed TJ surgery, and was picked first anyway... how could you NOT have his plaque at Monument Park? He's the greatest prospect that Tommy John ever ruined. Thank you, Tommy. 

The emerging Yankee plots of 2017

Thus far this season, the paid political banter across the Yankiverse has centered on the "Hashtag: BabyBombers" - Gary Sanchez, Greg Bird and Aaron Judge - none of whom has been here long enough to crush our hopes, or as the cool kids would say, to "Hashtag: RobRefsnyder" us. Still, in these parts, before you go blathering praise for Aaron Hicks or Luis Severino, you better dress in Kevlar, or like you're in the front row of a Gallagher show. 

Hell hath no fury like a Yankee fan who foresaw the next Pedro Martinez and received the next Colter Bean. And even if John Ryan Murphy has vanished from the planet - actually, he's now a Rochester Red Wing - the fan base still fumes over the loss of "Hashtag: J.R.Murphy" every time Hicks makes an out.

Which brings us to yesterday. Severino pitched wonderfully, and Hicks homered twice, and they propelled our heroes to a sweep of Tampa. Now, a three-game sweep of Tampa is not exactly the defeat of the Spanish Armada, but if Sevy and Hicks are for real - dare we dream it? - a huge, Stygian shadow could be lifted from the 2017 Yankees. A wild card would be within reach.

It's a long season whose plot lines have not even begun to spin. If I were the show-runner for this team, these would be my four emerging character arcs, along with the series from which we would steal.

1. Jacoby Ellsbury - (The Americans) He came here as a Redsock spy, dispatched by his evil overlords to infiltrate the Yankee lineup and destroy it from within. A master of deception, he has even stolen home to give the illusion of Yank loyalty, so he can then gum up the works. But lately, something has gone wrong. He seeks redemption from the woman he loves, who has come to see him as a .245 hitter without power, causing him to rethink his mission... and his soul. Alas, that means he faces the most dreaded assassins known to humanity, the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM). 

2. Hicks - (Glee). He was part of a group of adorable kids who came to Yankee High School wanting only to make his music. He lost his scholarship after an unfortunate prom night episode ruined his ability to rhyme. Worse, he lost his girlfriend to the new Big Man on Campus, whom the fates also named "Aaron." His mom and dad constantly fight, and he's living in a hobo camp with Mason and Ref, his autistic, transvestite, illegal alien, raised-by-wolves brothers. But good Mr. Girardi, the social studies teacher, sees something in these plucky lads, and he's going to "Hashtag: KarateKid" them into one last chance in the upcoming talent show.

3. Hal Steinbrenner - (Billions.) The trillionaire son of the billionaire boar, he has fallen into a life of booze, drugs, stomach pumps, beautiful women, leather straps and uses of feces that defy description in prime time listings. He lives as a prisoner of the scheming Cashman, who possesses videos of unspeakable debauchery, involving maple syrup, though Hal's public image remains as pristine as his good intentions. He yearns to win a championship for his young, underdog Yankees,  and more importantly to someday wean himself and sister Jennifer off of prescription oxy and lead-based paint chips, which keep him from doing what he wants to in life: working with wood.

4. Severino - (Scream Queens.) Everyone knows the stories about the terrifying curse upon his high school class. The list is endless - Brackman, Kaprielian, DeCarr, etc. - of young boys who seemed destined to win the county talent show, but who then turned up murdered by someone - or some thing - that surgically chopped off an elbow and turned them into "Hashtag: Stepford" insurance agents. He vows to investigate - to "Hashtag: ScoobyDoo" this deepening mystery. But will the curse claim yet another Yankee?

Don't change that dial. At least, not during a four-game win streak.

Some Idle Thoughts

1.  James Kaprielian did not choose Tommy John Surgery.  Tommy John surgery chose him.  The best thing for Yankee fans is to, " erase your brains," of this guy.  He never existed.  If he returns, say, as another Chassen Shreve, then you have gained something.  Not much, mind you, but something.

2.  The Montgomery boy;  I think he earned another start.  We'll write off the first inning walk and homer to, "rookie nerves."  His strikeout/walk ratio was good.  And he did get Longoria twice on K's.  My issue is: it took him 95 pitches to last 4 2/3 innings.  At that rate, he'll never get a W.  Nonetheless, unless the black swan comes for him, I think we have a dude.

3.  Luis Severino is where we have the big play.  He either becomes a dominating pitcher or flames out.  If this is truly going to be the positive season El Duque is willing it to be, the cards have to fall for us on this guy.  We need to draw to the inside straight.

4.  I believe, as I have previously stated, that Sanchez will be out until the all star break.  His injury takes at least 4 weeks to heal.  Add to that, the need to " test the strength " of the muscle without hurting it, and then playing some minor league games.  He is too valuable an asset to fuck up with an over zealous return to action.  Which brings me to point 5.

5.  The biggest story yesterday , due to my views on Sanchez, was the play of Higashioka, our back-up catcher.  True, he is hitting zero ( 0-4).  But, aside from one passed ball, he handled the catching duties pretty well.  He is a guy who, for sure, needs full time work in the minors, but "desperate times call for desperate measures. "  He can do the job for now.  We don't have to make a trade for a 40 year old Molina brother, and give up a prospect.

6.  That collision at first base was like watching a car accident.  Give Gardy credit for crawling to the bag instead of laying there, and getting tagged out.  He is guy you want in your foxhole.  He must have been one great running back, if he ever played football.  That Weeks character is like an oak tree.

7.  Aaron is beginning to look comfortable on defense and with the bat.

8.  Greg Bird is a huge worry to me.  All the signs are ( supposedly ) good.  The X-rays, the MRI's the whatevers.  But I can't get out of my head;  why would an injury, sustained in Florida several weeks ago, nag him so much now?  I really think the doctors have missed something and that, shortly after he returns, we'll see him undergoing more exams.  Unless, that is, he stays out 4-6 weeks now.

9.  Meanwhile, Chris Carter is not embarrassing himself.  We have to be glad we have him.  Isn't it amazing that the Yankees just cannot get this first base problem ( since Tex's injury and failure to break the shift ) solved?  No matter how much depth we develop, we wind up with makeshift solutions.  Didn't Romine play there for an inning already?

10.  Tyler Austin may yet get a shot at ( first base ) back-up. But his history is like Slade Heathcott's, when it comes to injuries.  Every time he is ready for the spotlight, he goes down.  This injury ( 4-6 weeks to recover from the fracture  ) has to be followed by 2 weeks of minor league play and, by then, either Bird returns for good or Tyler gets a shot to relive Carter from time to time.  We'll see.

11.  Soon, we'll begin hearing about DIDI's progress.  But Torreyes is a dynamo.  Lucky for us.

12.  Headley?  Headley?

Onward and upward.

Kaprielian out until 2019

He has chosen Tommy John surgery.

He'll be out for - what? - 16 months? He's young enough to heal quickly, maybe throw a few innings at the end of 2018. He'll probably pitch in winter ball of 2018-19 and come to Tampa that spring at age 25.

Not too old to have a decent career. But he goes from being the Yankees' top pitching prospect to another guy who'll have to prove himself on the Trenton roster. 

I'm starting to wonder if it's ever worthwhile to draft a pitcher in the first round?

I Shall Be Released

One last holdout from Bardball's Bob Dylan Spring 2017 Forecast:

They say ev’ryone can be replaced
Yet every lefty is still here
So I try to play second base
Or third or short or anywhere

.    I only bat .190
.    So my chances do decrease
.    Any day now, any day now
.    I shall be released

They say ev’ry man needs protection
They say you keep your eyes on that ball
The marketing guys aren’t my rooting section
My agent won’t return my calls

.    I’m in the B-game lineup
.    Starting to feel it’s just a tease
.    Any day now, any day now,
.    I shall be released

Standing next to me around the cage
Is a stud too young to buy a beer
He wants to gain the wisdom that comes with age
But I just want to play another year

.    I see the rookies rise up
.    Big potential, play for cheap
.    Any day now, any day now,
.    I shall be released

Gardy goes jarred-y, but youth will prevail

Thus far, the most hopeful aspect of the '17 Yankees is the bulge of adorable, fuzzy-faced millennials that is tracking throughout the system. Yesterday, when Brett Gardner staggered off the field, instead of hearing pearl-clutching gasps in the owner's luxury box, you could detect the sound of opportunity knocking in Scranton and Trenton.

Before continuing, let's do the right thing and wish Gardy a fast recovery. He is our de facto team captain and, as a clubhouse presence, impossible to replace. He'd gotten off to a nice start - (5 stolen bases, most in the AL) - and now - well - if it's a concussion, these things are scary. 

But if Gardy needs two weeks of sun and sand with Bill O'Reilly - (worst rebab I can imagine, even with the clinic on phone sex) - the Yankees will survive. For now, Aaron Judge (tied for 3rd in HRs with 3) has claimed RF, and Jacoby Ellsbury (.321) is in center. Aaron Hicks (.231) can play LF, and Mason Williams (2-15 at Scranton) can get the shot he deserves, as doors pop open throughout the farm system.

Good grief, it might even bring a blip of hope for Rob "Brigadoon" Refsynder, clearly suicidal (hitting .063) in now his fourth year of Triple A. It means a boost for young outfielders whose paths look as bottled-up as a victim of the IBS Lady's handiwork - (you know, the one on TV in the leotards, and why does writing "leotard" feel so politically incorrect?) From top to bottom, the Yanks have one of baseball's deepest minor league systems, and if you're not checking out the daily box scores in Trenton and Charleston, you're missing one of the biggest sinkholes of wasted time known to astral physics. 

Every night, a core of authentic Yankee prospects takes the field in places like Scranton, traditionally the Antique Road Show for minor league collectibles and misprinted bobble-heads. Consider this block in last night's lineup: 

Tyler Wade, ss
Clint Frazier, lf
Dustin Fowler, cf
Rob Refsnyder, 1b
Mark Payton, rf

Followed by the cast of "Lost." (For an unknown reason, perhaps related to Gardner's injury, Mason Williams didn't play.) Each of these players could jump to the Bronx next month and instantly become a beacon of hope. (Tyler Austin should soon return from his foot injury.)

At Double A Trenton, a similar glut:

Rashad Crawford, cf
Gleyber Torres, ss
Miguel Andujar, 3b
Mike Ford, dh
Billy McKinney, rf

Go further, and you'll find former top pick, the venerable Dante Bichette Jr., though his ship may have sailed.

At Tampa, even more...

Jorge Mateo, ss
Kyle Holder, 3b
Trey Amburgey, lf
Nick Solak, 2b
Austin Aune, rf
Jhalian Jackson, dh

And at Charleston - way down there - the whole lineup is viable, centered by Blake Rutherford, the golden boy. All summer, we'll watch rising phenoms and huge disappointments. Meanwhile, the Yankees should be able to shrug off short-term injuries - even to Gary Sanchez - replacing broken parts with newer ones, rather than visiting the scrap yard for Ben Franciso and Lyle Overbay.

Of course, the age-old problem remains: Pitching, pitching, pitching. On that front, we'll always be measuring the treads on discarded radials. But everywhere you look, some kid is on the move. Damn, there IS hope down there. You'll just have to look for it.

(For the record: I'd like to state categorically that no Yankee is worse than Hitler. If I've ever made such a statement, I hereby apologize.)

Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM) suffers minor setback with all-star hurler

Off night.

Yank Aaron nearly decapitates Ray pitcher

Someday, Aaron Judge is going to kill somebody, and then we'll all look back on this day and wonder what we could have done to prevent it. 

Don't look at me. I got nothing. But this is a still shot of a bullet that Judge hit today off of Jumbo Diaz. It missed him, thankfully, because it was measured at 116.5 miles per hour - or 1.9 miles per minute. And if not for the centerfielder, this ball might have traveled a full 1.9 miles. 

Shortly after Judge today whacked his third home run in three games, John Sterling began self-pleasuring himself by waxing over the possibilities. He suggested that Judge will be the first person to ever hit a fair ball out of the new Yankee Stadium. The Master assailed those pre-season critics who called Judge a homer/strikeout player, and he has already used three different homer hollers: "It's Judgement Day"... "Here comes the Judge.".. and "He's the Judge and jury." 

It's going to be a long season, and we won't fully realize what we've got until Judge has passed through his first major league slump. But he sure looks good coming off the bus. And we better start thinking of contingencies when he kills somebody. 

There's no grand mystery behind Jordan Montgomery, today's starter

In baseball, there has always been a big disconnect between the blue-chip "can't miss" prospects - the Humbertos - and those sad-but-successful, blue-collar tillers of the minor league dirt, which I call the Bootchecks. 

It's the grand chasm between experts and fans, between the radar gun Einsteins who get paid to assess talent and we stumble-bums who simply check the box scores every night to see what the hell Cito Culver did.

The first group, of course, is named for Humberto Sanchez, the key treasure in the great Gary Sheffield dump-trade of 2006. The Tigers got Shef, and we received Humberto and three orders of lunch meat. Despite tepid stats in the minors, Humberto's girth and grit gave Yankee scouts sizable erections (though to be fair, he faced a "soft-tissue" arm injury that hurt his chances.) With considerable fanfare, Humberto finally made it to the Yankees in 2008 and pitched 2 (two) innings, yielding one earned run, for his career ERA of 4.50. 

His counterpart, Chris Bootcheck won 76 games in the minors, most of them at Triple A. Over 12 years, he generally got the dirty job done, but Bootcheck bounced around and bounced around and bounced around and - hey, I can do this all day - clawed his way up to the Yankees in 2013, when he threw one inning and gave up one run, for an ERA of 9.00. To my knowledge, no scout - not even the late Billy Connor - ever sent him an Old Spice gift basket wrapped around a poem by Lord Byron.

So you've got the Humbertos - the first round picks and big bonus Latinos - (think Andrew Brackman or Ricardo Aramboles) - who are always dancing buck naked in our Yankee wet dreams. And then you have the Bootchecks - (the Vidal Nunos and David Phelpses) - who inch their way through the system, inning by inning, simply by winning games that nobody remembers.

Which brings us to Jordan Montgomery, today's 24 year old Yankee starter, who is - gasp - both a Humberto... and a Bootcheck! 

This is Montgomery's fourth year as a pro. The Yankees drafted him in the fourth round out of college, where he was a closer. Thus, he hadn't thrown a shit-ton of innings. The scouts saw something that made their billiards flush. They turned Montgomery into a starter. Ever since, all he's done is win. 

Get this: In 2015, between A and AA, Montgomery went 10-8 with an ERA of 2.95. Last year, he started with Trenton and went 9-4 with a 2.55 ERA, then moved up to Scranton and went 5-1 and - gulp - 0.97. Yep, lights out for the year. This spring, he was perhaps the Yankees' greatest pitching surprise. Now, he's making his MLB debut.

And let's be honest: There can be a psychological drawback to being the guy who has dominated everyone over the last two years. If Montgomery gets cuffed around today, will it destroy his confidence? The last time anybody hit him, Donald Trump was a joke. (Insert your own Trump jokes here.) I mean, could Jordan Montgomery be the magical Yankee unicorn for which we've been waiting all these years? We've gone through Manny Banuelos, the Killer Bs, Kai Igawa, all the way to Luis Severino and James Kaprielian. Is Montgomery, who floated both over and under the radar, the answer?  

Humberto Bootcheck. Let's see. Keep your juju powder dry.

Reflections on a grand rumination by John Sterling

Early in yesterday's game, Yankee radio announcer John Sterling took time out to illuminate a fascinating side of sportscasting - venturing into an area of his profession that seldom gets explained. John was telling why he generally refrains from citing batting averages of players in the early games of the season.

Why, you ask? Well, it's simple. Think with us here...

John said that if only two or three games have been played, the batting averages of players can actually be deceiving. For example, a hitter might come up to bat with an average of .500, which - at first glance - would make him one of the greatest hitters of all time. Not even Ty Cobb or Ted Williams came close to hitting .500. A man who hits .500 is destined for the Hall of Fame.

Nevertheless, if you go about saying that the batter is hitting .500, you could be misleading the listeners. The fact is, he might be two for four on the season, which is why his average is .500. It's not that he is the greatest hitter in the history of the game. He might even be a lousy hitter - hence the few at bats - who simply had a good day or two at the plate. It's one of the ways that statistics can be skewed.

As a result, John said in the first games of the season, he prefers to give the actual raw hitting statistics. He'll say that the hitter is two-for-four, and not go about saying that he is hitting .500. That way, listeners at home won't get the wrong idea.

John was using common sense to prosecute those who misuse statistics, when explaining the nuances of the game. At times, more is less, and a sportscaster needs to make things real. That is one of the reasons why on this site refer to him as "The Master."

One of these years, we will have two brand new Yankee radio announcers, driven by Jeep. It's likely that they will spring from the pool of oily haired types who frequent pre- and post-game shows on YES, and they will never stoop to using personalized homer calls or game-ending win-warbles, and they will never take the time to explain such fundamental aspects of sportscasting as the proper times to using batting averages. They will be witty, self-assured, knowledgeable, and they will never call a ball high and outside - and then have to correct themselves and say it was a strike. 

When that day comes, trust me: We will find ourselves telling stories about John and Suzyn, laughing with tears in our eyes, and seriously wishing they were still around. 

A-Rod watched the Pineda game with a war criminal

But, perhaps to Al's credit, it looks like he and the Kissingers ran out of things to talk about.

Yet another chapter unfolds in the mystery of Pineda

So yesterday, as he walked out for the 7th, every crank believer and hard-line cynic across the Yankiverse had to be pondering the same unponderable thought: 

What if stink bomb Pineda actually throws a perfect game?

This wouldn't just be transformative. It would be apocalyptic. An opening day like no other in Yankee history... a game to enter the pantheon of great memories... to justify Pineda's last five crapola years... to end forever the nasty comparisons to Jesus Montero... and to - gulp - cement his future in New York?

Nah. No way. That didn't happen, thanks to the wise juju of Yankee fan Martha Stewart, winner of the first IT IS HIGH IBS Lady Fan of the Week Award for Explosive Guidance Under Pressure. Watching from somewhere, probably over a rising souffle, Martha coldly studied the long term implications of an Opening Day perfecto by Pineda, and exercised her celebrity juju veto. She tweeted about the perfect game, unleashing the kind of hell storm juju that only a former talk show hostess can generate. In doing so, she may have saved the Yankees from a 5 to 10-year deal, which would involve more money than she paid in legal fees for a monogrammed electronic ankle bracelet. No perfect game. No moment for the ages. No long term commitment. Thank you, Martha Stewart. May the IBS Lady always ride with you.

Today, the dirty little whispers across the Yankiverse sound like this: Pssst, Cashman. Trade'm. Trade'm now, today, tonight, tomorrow, before the next outing. Get what we can, trade'm, call it a victory, and that's Chinatown, Jake. Trade'm, trade'm, trade'm... 

Because here are some realities about our mysterious third starter.

1. We'll almost certainly lose him next winter. He'll be a free agent, and no matter what he does this year, there are simply too many IBS moments in his past for Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner to pony up cash to keep this guy. If Pineda pitches well, he'll want a five or seven year deal, and Cashman won't even pick up the phone. Too much water under the Tappan Zee. He's Ivan Nova Jr., and if there is one certainty about 2017, it is almost surely that this is Pineda's final year as a Yankee. 

2. He probably won't make it to winter - departing at the July 31 trade deadline. In an appealing long term scenario, Pineda would fetch a boatload of young talent that can buttress the Yankee future. This team is a year, maybe two, from becoming a legitimate American League brawler. Pineda will probably never be a part of it, unless it's in the form of what we get in return. 

3. He's still likely to suck. In the 7th, after Longoria broke up the no-hitter with a double, it occurred to me that if Pineda surrendered a two-run HR on the next pitch - a common trait - he would hear boos walking off the mound. Can you imagine that? Guy throws nearly seven perfect innings, but the crowd would be angry? Still, who could blame them? I don't know when we can officially declare that Pineda is a solid starter, but with this guy's track record, it doesn't happen in one day. 

So what do we have? Damned if I know. From now on, let's make Austin Romine his personal catcher. And let's go bonkers if he looks dominant in the first few innings. Let's try to help him find himself. He's 28, entering his prime, and the better he pitches, the better off we'll be. But keep this in mind: Yesterday, Pineda lowered his 2017 season ERA to 3.97 - barely a whit below his career 4.03. He's been unhittable before. That's when the stink bomb goes off. So let's hold our noses and root.

In hotly awaited debut, Boston's super-prospect didn't make it out of the second inning

When the creators of the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny finished their trade for Chris Sale, they crowed over craftily keeping top pitching prospect Jason Groome, the 12th overall pick in the 2016 draft.

Yesterday at Single A, Groome walked off the mound in the second inning after giving up nine runs, the team trainer at his side. 

Succubus destroys perfect day

This must be avenged!

Yanks Extend Win Streak...Odds-Makers in Vegas Choke

A lot of money changed hands today and, if you were backing Yankee superstar, Michael Pineda, you were the winner.

The odds of the Yankees winning the World Series just shifted from 1000-1 to 989-1, and there is money to be made for the optimists.  This season, we are all optimists and positive thinkers.

Duque is holding my money.

I wonder what Alphonso would say about this New York Times story

Can This Man Revive the Yankees?

Raise A Glass To CC !

Three cheers for CC  !  Hoorah, Hoorah, Hoorah !

He broke the Yankee mold and actually resembled a major league starting pitcher in our 7-3 victory yesterday.

And three cheers for Aaron Judge ( why do they ever throw him a fastball?), and three cheers for our leading RBI banger, Ronald Torreyes.  This guy might just keep DIDI on the pine.

Our DH walked 5 times yesterday.  Austin Romine stepped up.  Chris Carter hasn't made a blunder, yet.  And the Hicks boy looks better in CF than Jacoby, who may now become our designated pinch runner.

We are back on the winning track.. all our ills are behind us.

So let's drink a round to CC.  Raise your glass and sing his praises.

It is as if we have Bartolo Colon back!