Winning, winning, winning... oh dear, it's just so tiresome

Keeping with our grand IT IS HIGH tradition, let's come to grips with the downside of winning eight in a row.

1. Your team always have to pitch a full nine innings. Thus, extra wear-and-tear on bullpen. NOT FAIR!

2. You start watching other scores and checking standings. Blah.

3. Your underwear starts to reek, because UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU CHANGE IT.

4. Headley goes 1-4, sinking his batting average below .400. What the hell is wrong with him?!

5. You have to miss important television shows, such as I-Zombie and Ice Road Truckers, because the game will be on.

6. The constant, unrelenting sex.

7. Having to maintain proper dour attitude and finding fault in something new that Cashman did. (The Scranton team has no decent first-baseman! WHO IS RUNNING THIS SHOW?) 

8. If this keeps up, we won't draft high, we won't be able to dump veterans this July, and we'll lose our ranking as a top farm system.

9. You start pondering strange connections. (Example: Eight wins, eight guys Arkansas is trying to execute. What does this mean?)

10. Sense of otherworldly terror in seeing Alphonso writing hopefully. Does this mean world is coming to end? Because that would just be typical around here: We start winning, and the world ends. This thing with North Korea better not become a full-blown WWIII, not with the Yankees on a winning streak. But we haven't lost since the bombing of Syria, since that positve NYTimes thumbsucker on Cashman, and since the blood sacrifice of James Kaprielian. Should we bomb another country? Should the Daily News write a Cashmanic biography? Do we need to kill another prospect? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WIN EIGHT IN A ROW. YOU GO MAD.

Nine, please.