Thursday, April 6, 2017

It's Elementary

It's high time for some pointless sleuthing concerning Clint Frazier and Mantlegate.

Yankee fans NEED TO KNOW who told Suzyn Waldman that prospect Clint Frazier wanted to un-retire the Mick's jersey and muck up the collar area with piles of his unkempt red hair.

We can assume that a professional like Suzyn wouldn't repeat such an explosive story unless she heard it from someone in the Yankee front office or someone in the Yankee clubhouse.  People in these areas would be the only ones who could possibly have first-hand knowledge of the alleged incident.  

Let's use these assumptions to narrow our list to about three dozen possible perps.  If we coolly and rationally assess the motive, opportunity, and general character of the remaining suspects, we might just arrive at the truth.

Brian Cashman: Maybe.  Perhaps Cashman was trying to make it easier for management, fans, and others to embrace a possible trade of Frazier for another sorely needed DH that he had been planning before the leak.

10% probable

Lonn Trost: Maybe.  As demonstrated last year during PrimeSeatgate, Trost can be an irresponsible, elitist jerk.  With just that much info, we can accurately determine the probability that Trost was the leaker.

10% probable.

Prince Hal Steinbrenner: Maybe, but probably not. Prince Hal avoids Yankee games and facilities like the plague and probably doesn't make it a habit to speak with the help.

2% probable.

Joe Girardi:
Almost certainly not.  Such a move is not in the binders.

0.25% probable.

Anonymous Player:
Yeah, it's possible someone in the clubhouse was rubbed the wrong way by Frazier, but we have no way of knowing who that might be.  Also, outside of hazing an annoying rookie, I can't figure out the motive any player might have for slaying a youngster like this.  Players are fun-loving sorts ― and some of them really hate the media ― so let's say that one of them might have thought this would be a good giggle.

Probability 20%.

Jennifer Swindal: Hmmmmmm. Now we might be on to something.  Miss Jennifer was on-record as saying she didn't like Frazier's hair and, because this didn't happen in North Carolina, she might have run across Suzyn in the ladies loo and whispered a secret or two in her ear.  That gives her both motive and opportunity.

45% probable.

Randy Levine: Levine is still stinging from the PR debacle he unleashed following the Yankees arbitration victory over Dellin Betances.  Levine also had motive to cause someone else with red hair to be more hated by New Yorkers than himself.  Plus Levine is a clown.

Probability 99.7%.

Except for the Randy Levine analysis, none of the above is based on science.  You didn't hear it from me and nothing's in writing.  Make of this what you will.

Hint: It was Randy Levine.


Leinstery said...

Of course it was Randy Levine, the guy only knows how to cause problems. I have no idea how the story started/got out other than it being pinned on Suzyn, but I'm 100% positive it started with Levine emailing some fake news reporter from the freshly minted email address. From there our dear Suzyn was dragged into a dark room and told to take the fall. A resilient Suzyn initially told them to fuck off, until they pulled up a live feed of Roger Clemens in his back yard, the implication being they wouldn't consider him for the fifth spot in the rotation if she didn't play ball. Suzyn, loyal to a fault, agreed to take the heat. And that snake Randy Levine slithered away from the scandal. Well not here, you have to wake up pretty early to fool us Levine.

el duque said...

This is cutting-edge sleuthing! Take that, Woodward!

Alphonso said...

Nice work there, Sherlock. It is element one in preparing us for a trade.

The second coming of the " Jay Buhner " trade.

Fuck me.

Anonymous said...


KD said...

Until I read Leintery's comment, i struggled to understand why Suzyn would kiss ass during her last 6 months of employment.

ranger_lp said...

We need to check Suzyn's private email server....

John M said...

"Did Trump collude with Russia?" has just become the second-most important question of our times.

Anonymous said...

Gawd, LBJ, I loooove your graphics!! Not sure where you dig all of them up, but that picture of Cash-Puss - - does anyone else notice a strong resemblance to Al Bundy??
Then there's the one of Jen Swindle (oops, sorry, sic) - - the North Carolina comment says it all - - that one almost made me a) choke on my Diet Coke b) lose control of my irritable bowels - - I swear - - and, God, I'm still in love with the IBS Lady.
Also, that picture of Murray Langston in an Yankee uniform - - gotta' love it!!
Incidentally, I think you're dead-on with the Amazing Randy (sic) - - but just one weensy-beensy bone to pick with the whole hilarious mess: ahem - - shouldn't your probabilities add up to 100%?? Or - - did you borrow Mick Mulvaney from tRUMP to do the math?? Regards, LB (No J)

Local Bargain Jerk said...

shouldn't your probabilities add up to 100%??

I wasn't a math major, I was an English major. However, I was also an Economics major and I remember this from a statistics course?

    - If you flip a coin, the probability that it will land on heads is 50%.

    If you flip another coin, the probability that it will land on heads is 50%.

    If you flip another coin, the probability that it will land on heads is 50%.

And so on.

In other words, it's not a zero-sum game.

Or something