LIVE YANKEE IN-GAME CHAT: TONIGHT AT 5

LIVE YANKEE IN-GAME CHAT: TONIGHT AT 5

Sunday, April 30, 2017

On Trump's 100th day, he restores the Yankees to first

Everyone has an opinion about Donald Trump's first 100 days. But whatever your tribe, let's pay tribute to what is surely Trump's greatest achievement: 

HE HAS MADE THE YANKEES GREAT AGAIN!

(At least for now.)


Let's look at his stunning victories:

Trump successfully appointed an upstanding, right-leaning Judge. Aaron Judge - (current leading poll nickname: MOAB) - has restored a rightward balance to the Yankee lineup, which tilted far left under the Ellsbury/Gardner/Obama regime. Best of all, Judge is young enough to be guiding Yankee hitting policies for the next 20 to 30 years.  

Trump has built a beautiful bullpen wall. It starts with Adam Warren and Tyler "The Yankee Clippard" Clippard, who have been spectacular at keeping Mexicans off the bases. It ends with Dellin Betances and Aroldis Chapman - the dreaded criminal El Chapo, whom the Yankees were determined to pursue last winter, regardless of the costs. These days, the number of late-inning runners reaching home has dwindled to a trickle.

Trump has torn up past trade agreements to make better deals. Under Obama, the Yankees constantly traded youngsters for old and bloated slobs. Under Trump, these policies have been tossed out. (Note: Actually, the changes took place during the final year of the Obama administration.) Shortly after taking office, Trump - on the advice of Ivanka and Jared Kushner - scotched a proposed trade with the White Sox for Jose Quintana that had been pushed by by disgraced former general Michael Flynn.  

America won the 2017 World Baseball Cup. Under Obama, we suffered nothing but misery and carnage. That's because he was too busy bugging Trump Tower to think about this important spring tradition. What a sicko.

Trump is putting coal miners back to work. Soon, laid-off workers across the country will be happily making and selling new Yankee game swag, which is already starting to pop up everywhere. Look for a line of Ivanka fashions merged into the Yankee logo - two winners! 

The left-leading Massachusetts Redsocks have been humiliated. On the 97th and 98th day of Trump's presidency, the citizens of Boston - who hate America, by the way - watched their home park turned into a much needed fracking well. That's what they get for electing Pocahontas. (By the way, that will soon change with Catsup Curt on the campaign trail.)

Alex Rodriguez has been successfully deported. Actually, we haven't gotten rid of him completely, but Trump's plan - suggested by Steve Bannon - was to hook up A-Rod with the failing Jennifer Lopez and provide them with a fuck-tent at Mar-a-Lago. It has worked spectacularly. A-Rod has simply vanished from the scene, allowing AG Sessions to declare war on his secret criminal gang - MS-13. (Think that's a coincidence? Dream on.) 

Trump has provided the Yankees with great healthcare AT NO COST. When Gary Sanchez and Didi Gregorius went down, America feared the worst. Under Obamacare, we would have lost the month of April, and the season would be over. But under Trump, the Yankees simply used Austin Romine and Ronald Torreyes - replacements that have been spectacular. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Trumpcare at its finest! You tweak a gonad, and a new gonad is supplied, without cost, and it hits .300!

Hey, it's only April, folks. Trump has four years to make the Yankees great. I'm thinking four rings... or, better yet, eight? 

2 comments:

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

You haven't been this amusing in years. Amazing what a little winning will do for a man. But pretty soon, you're going to be saying, I can't take all this winning please stop.

Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS! ..... FUCK TENT AT MAR A LAGO.......HAHAHA!

SORRY, BUT I MAY HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH THE TRUMPSTER.

THE GREATEST WINNING YEAR WE EVER HAD WAS 1998, WE WON SO MUCH....

BUT I NEVER GOT TIRED OF WINNING THAT YEAR.

WHAT BETTER WAY TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN THAN TO START WITH THE YANKEES?

GO GET 'EM TRUMPSTER!