Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Yankee leadership divided over distribution of "Youk the Tragic Redsock" satire

FLASH: Bomber brass hotly debating controversial song parody that could tarnish Yank-Redsock rivalry. Lyrics to follow.

(Warning: Those who might be offended by vulgarity, bad taste and horrible rhymes should NOT read further. Remember: This is meant to be a parody of a parody that would be written by Yankee management -- think cocktail napkin in the Tampa Horse Breeders Association lounge -- therefore the rhymes must be bad. Got that? See, the real funny thing here is that it's not funny. In that sense, it's brilliant, one of the funniest things you'll ever read, because it succeeds in being unfunny. But, hey, it was this or writing about Minka Kelly stealing Jeter from us -- they're buying a love shack in LA -- which makes her either the Yank Yoko Ono or the 2009 First Lady of the Yankiverse. Oh, fukit. Crunch time. You already got the joke, right? It's so unfunny you have to laugh. And if you are a Redsock fan, visit our special Lounge Link to the left, just for you. Where were we? Oh, yeah. The song...)

Youk, the tragic Redsock,
Batted three oh eight
And set up in the batters' box
Leaning out over the plate.

Little Roggie Clemens,
Loved that rascal Youk,
And plunked his noggin oh-so hard,
People felt it in Dubuque.

(Several heart-warming verses about life, throwing bats, and exchanging toys for performance enhancing drugs.)

The games go on forever,
Not so little boys,
So Roggie Clemens went away
To play with other toys.

Youk still hangs his head out
And won't let his spirits wain
He takes his thumps still in the bean,
From Joba Chamberlain.


Anonymous said...

2009 First Lady of the Yankiverse

Anonymous said...

Somewhere, Peter Yarrow is crying.