Monday, January 26, 2009

Exclusive Excerpts from Joe's Book

Without telling anyone, Chien-Ming and I had worked up a little routine. I asked, “Who is the Chinese foreign minister?” Immediately, he chimed in, “No, Woo is on first!” The whole place cracked up. Zim had to take a pill.


The ball cleared both walls and probably would still be traveling had not it hit a passing train. Mel looked at me and shook his head. “Well,” I said. “Let’s bring in Scott Proctor.”


“Let me get this straight,” I said. “I can write out the line-up any way I want?” George gave a wide grin. “You got it, chief,” he said. “We’ll have Johnny lead off, followed by Jeet, Bobby, Arod, Jason, Hideki, Jorge, Robbie and then it’s up to you!”


Throughout the colonoscopy, I stayed cool as a cucumber. But I couldn’t stop thinking about Suzyn’s question. Why not use Scott Proctor?


It was heartbreaking. He looked up at me with those sad, defeated eyes and rasped, “Joe, I let you down.” Well, what could I say? “No, please, don’t think that way,” I said. But privately, I was stewing. A voice inside wanted to shout, “Christ, Arod, instead of eighth, maybe I should have batted you ninth!”


I knew from his glassy-eyed grin that Sterling was well into his fourth tequila and valium. “Guesh what,” he said. “Somebody's pretty little thirdbaseman's goin' out with Madonna.”


I warned Boomer not to talk to ESPN. "Remember, David,” I said. “No matter what they claim, no matter how they act, they’re ESPN. We’re YES."¶


“What do you think?” Mattingly asked. I kicked at the dugout wall in disgust. “Well," I said, "Is Proctor warmed up?”


The Ghost of Scott Brosius said...

Poor Scott Procter

Anonymous said...

Right. He's with the Marlins now. No big crowds to distract him.

Wailin' Suzyn said...

I get it!


Whew, that was a good one!

Note to Ghost: The iSuit arrived today!