Sunday, January 11, 2009

Yankeetorial: This Yankee Stadium Fiasco is the Bush Administration All Over Again

Maybe you missed this journalistic slapdown, buried in Saturday's New York YOUR AD HERE Times uppity hit piece on capitalism, which had the nerve to argue that taxpayers should not be paying for plasma TVs the size of railroad cars in luxury suites at the House that Rudy Built.

Members of Mr. Bloomberg’s administration fought like tigers to get a free luxury suite with 12 seats for the use of city officials, haggling so that chicken wings were included.

Well, well, well. As Elvis exclaimed to the illegal-as-hell, 16-year-old Priscilla Presley upon their first-ever meeting, according to her autobiography, Elvis and Me:

"What.. have... we... here...!"

We have a Redsock-leaning billionaire mayor, whose administration is burning public money like home heating fuel while happily replacing the greatest sports cathedral in America with a Disney plastic replica that features blow-dry butt wipers and Wi-Fi in the luxury bathroom stalls... and during the 11th hour of negotiations, some rising David Stockman says, "Wait! You gotta throw in a four-dozen wings per game with celery and blue cheese (his spelling, not mine), and we get choice of mild, nuclear or teryaki!"

What. The. Fuck.

This new Yankee Stadium is turning into a George Bush administration-level fiasco: Everything about it stinks. We wallpaper money over the corruption, we piss away the treasure of our legacy, and after all is said and done, we have Sidney Ponson on the mound.

Right now, the newly minted stadium critics won't be happy until the luxury suite fatcats are wiping their butts with game programs and listening to the action with transistor radios pressed to their ears, and we're back to Lee Guetterman in the pen. Instead of a Yankee steakhouse and Hard Rock Cafe, we'll get an International Yankee House of Pancakes.

One saving grace. The city and the Yankees undid the deal last week, ending Bloomberg's chicken walk to chicken wings.

We got one more week of George Milhouse Bush. But this stadium thing... folks, it's Afghanistan. It's never going away.

4 comments:

B. Z. Kiel said...

Adam, your thoughts?

Anonymous said...

You just had to include Bush in the article didn't you? Better be careful what you wish for. Barack Hussein Obama's administration is yet to take office and already there are signs of their intentions, all of them pointing toward socialist policies. Enjoy the next four year comrade.

el duque said...

It is going to be an awful ride, I grant you. But now and then, the people who got us here -- in a new stadium and a new depression -- need to stand up and take a bow.

She-Fan said...

Lee Guettermann. Yankee House of Pancakes. I'm laughing very hard right now.